ok this is not gonna be a habit. Sunday wasn't a great day for me but it was too. The weigh in didn't go as I wanted to but it wasn't bad. I decided to take a blow off day and have fun with my kids. Biggest reason that I didn't write yesterday. My son lives in Lawton with my future daughter in law, so getting to spend time with them and my daughter and her intended. We had fun playing games and laughing. I didn't count calories. I didn't go to the gym. I just blew it off. Not feeling bad ...... yet.
So the results? I was down 2.8 lbs. I know I know if someone told me that I would quickly all the wonderful cheering up things that no one wants to hear. Oh I would mean them. I do know that it's that much less I have to carry around. I know I feel better. I actually miss when I do get in a work out and feel soooo much better when I get in at least a walk. But there is that side of me that hates ... hates ... hates when I know I could have done more and I am not where I want to be. I know I know I didn't get here over night. I blah blah blah blah ... yea it's about where anyone turns off when they are feeling that way.
I was "ok" with it yesterday. I wasn't happy about it. I wanted more but I wasn't going to let it get to me. Then ... there it was ... posted on the contest page ... .8%. OUCH!! I started out really hoping to put up another double digit. I had done it the week before the contest officially started off, so I just knew I could in two weeks, right?
No the competitive side of me kicked in and was ... well not sure what it was ... I wasn't really beating myself up. I think I was just disappointed in myself. I text a friend that is going thru some of the same victories and defeats that I am right now. I knew he would totally understand. He really didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Just "hearing" it from someone else helped me realize I have to keep fighting. I never really felt like giving up. I just felt like .. well crying. So I did for a few minutes. I sat there in my car and cried. Not just from the results but because I was in pain. My leg was hurting. Not the pain from a good workout. The pain that arthritis give me from time to time.
Do you ever just wish you could close your eyes and wake up an be something else? Someone else? at least someplace else? Sure we all do. This was one of the moments. I was fighting that battle inside. The one that say "you are hurting, go home and rest" the I feel the tugging "no no .. keep going".
After work wasn't getting any better. I did take some pain reliever before I left. I really just wanted to come home an try and relax. No there was that tugging again. "Just go" "do at least 30 min, it's not THAT long". So I did. I am pretty sure someone was praying for me. I really did hobble in the gym. "come on you can do it." "just change clothes find a bike and stay away from the treadmill today".
I walked in and almost turned around and left. I glanced to my right to see ALL the bikes were full. Then the tugging again "just change clothes and maybe one will be open." Ok ok. " even if there isn't one do some easy weights for a lil bit till one opens".
As I walked out of the locker room and scanned the gym I realized not one but TWO bikes were open. I tried to walk fast, since the lil ole man looked to be eyeing one, but it I wasn't moving as fast as him. Oh but he walked by and left.
So I settled in and began to peddle. I am still in pain but I have talked myself into at least 30 minutes. I can do. I can do this, I can do this. About 20 minutes in I realize that I am not hurting any more. I know I know I took the pain reliever but I am pretty sure someone was praying for me too. That was the tugging I had been feeling. That is what opened up the bike for me. It was also what helped with the pain AND let me get in an hour on the bike.
I would like to say that my nutrition was good too. I have not charted it all day. I know shame on me. I skipped lunch, again shame on me. It kills me that I know what I need to do. I could probably write a book on it. Yet here I am still fighting with myself about it all.
I didn't skip lunch to try and lose weight. I had really planned on taking a quick nap. By the time I had talk to my friend and kicked myself there wasn't enough time for that.
I didn't skip charting my food cuz I didn't make BAD choices. I had eggs and toast and a jalapeno dog for breakfast but I did this running out of the house and was almost late to work.
I know that when I sit down an chart it at worst part I may be under calories. No this is just as bad as over eating but hey I am a work in progress ... right? :D
I want to thank all those that are praying for me. For Sean for reminding me of how I got where I am and who important it is to keep going. For MargieAnn for sending me the 12second workout :D I will have to keep that one on hand. Thanks to Trista for checking up on me. I know there are more that have supported me that I didn't mention but I know that you are the ones that are praying for me :D Thanks guys for keeping me going.
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