6-30-12

so here I am at 4:45 in the morning and thinking.  My mind is all over the place.  I know I know, trust me I am pretty sure I have a mind, I just don't use it very often :D

This week has been one of my better weeks I have had in the past month.  I have not gotten myself back as disciplined as I would like to be, but I am working on it.  As many know I have tried to call this my no excuses journey, even before Biggest Loser stole that thought lol.  I have corrected myself several times when I "tried" to use this ave of my past over the past week.  here are a couple of times. 

Wed I started my first big workout with my trainer.  As cute as he is to look at he is mean.  Don't let the cute smile fool ya.  He made me sweat.  He made me hurt.  Two days later my body still doesn't like me ... or him :D.  As he was making me do some squats I had to laugh.  As I was doing them he was telling me what a great job I was doing ( I pay him well for this part of the session) I commented that a year ago I had a hard time getting off the couch, literally.   Actually it  was more than a year ago, but that is not the part of the excuse.  As I was saying this I started to say "but in my defense it's partly because of how low the couch is"  I stopped in the middle of the sentence and said I was not going to use that as an excuse.  It was a struggle at times to get up from low places and there should be no reason that I couldn't do this.  Now here I am doing squats ... I didn't say they were pretty.  I didn't say I could go down as far as he did, but almost.  But I was doing them.  

I have told anyone/everyone to bust my chops when I am not doing what I need to do to keep me on track.  Yesterday my daughters boyfriend did this, not sure he realized it though :D.  He happens to work with me and was walking in at the same time.  I was tired and I blame him lol.  I get on the elevator, out of habit when going up.  As the door is closing I hear him say "what, not taking the stairs?"  Dumb kids whadda they know :D.   So, what did I do? I stayed on it lol... that time.  At the same time I have not taken it since.  The rest of the day I took the stair down AND up.  I have been taken them down always for some time now but I made the excuse I would do it when my knee got stronger.  I realized after he busted me that "if I can do the squats my trainer was having me do, I can take the stairs"  so I am.  I still get a lil winded, but that will change soon.  NO MORE EXCUSE!!  

I know that they only way to build my strength is to do stuff.  I am not going to get it by thinking about it.  I am not going to get it by talking about it.  I am not going to get it by someone else telling what I need to do.  I am going to get it by DOING!!  I can do this.  I need to do this.  Most of all I WANT to do this.  It is time to stop making excuses and saying it's ok because I am maintaining, it's time to get on with my journey.

My trainer has also worked up a nutrition plan to help me tweak what I need to do to keep moving forward and finish the part of the journey.  I want to hit that goal weight and THEN get into my maintain mode.  I am only half way there.  So again for anyone that is reading this, if you see me getting "off my game" or making excuses bust me on it.  I need all the help I can get.  Prayers are much welcome.  I know that God can give me the strength and it's the only way that this will work.   thanks for reading.  

6-21-12

ok so as far as the blog goes, lets face it the only thing I am doing constant is not being constant ... lol  hey but I am not giving up :D


So yesterday I met with my trainer.  I joked with him that he was going to kill me.  He promised that I would be breathing when I left.  I did advise him that if they had to take me out on a gurney in an ambulance I would still be breathing but it's not how I wanted to leave.  


We actually took it pretty easy the first day.  We did a few test to see where I needed to go from here.  I am glad there was no right or wrong answer lol.  The stepping I was ok with .... sort of.  Then this crazy man told me we (meaning ME) were going to do some push ups.  HE only did two.  I did my two and stopped, he made me keep going.  So far doesn't sound to fair ... lol  I did advise him that I had not even attempted a push up since Jr High and it wasn't pretty then.  I could see I was not getting out of this.


Then for the sit ups.  I am ok with this part.  I sit up all the time.  He informed me that he meant to exercise ... Oh :X ... I did ok with them ... nope not gonna tell ya many I did, but it was more than one and less than 100 :D


He's pretty cool.  I have known him for several years and he and his wife are really dedicated to fitness.  He is helping me with my "diet" I know I know its a life style change ... but for all purposes right now its a diet.  We are going to be tweaking some of the things I have been doing and see if I can get past this wall I am at right now.  


I hate hitting these walls.  Seems like every 20-25 lbs I have hit a wall.  I know that right now it is partly because I have not been working on it like I need to but we are getting over this wall.  I love how "we" means ME!! :D


Today not much to say about it.  I had the good ole stand by of oatmeal for early morning (5:30 AM)  and by 9:30 on my break I was hungry.  I am so glad out cafeteria started serving breakfast again.  It's probably the only time I can really find a healthy choice.  Bacon an eggs with salsa.  Mmm Mmm good.  Lunch I had fish. Yeah I used some tarter sauce, but it just tasted better that way.  I had steamed veggies to go with so I did good.  "dinner" was oatmeal.  I didn't feel like cooking.  the kids were gone and I had photo work to get done.  This was a quick and easy choice to keep me going.


Nope I didn't make it to the gym today.  I did take the stairs every time ... noooo only up once but down every time lol.  I am still parking at the back of the parking lot.  I will get back on track with the gym ... it is working now .. I got this... who's gonna join me?

6-20-12

ok hhmm seeems like this will be a weekly thing.  I am working on it, we will see how it goes. 

The weeks have been crazy. This roller coaster ride called life keeps me jumping.  I am not complaining at all.  I am not trying to make any excuses.  I have made choices, some by not making choices but choices just the same.  As my buddy Sean says "you can choose change or change will choose you".  I find that more true the more I think about it, esp as I write this thinking back.  When I don't take the time to plan out my day (diet/exercise) I am choosing to let change take over.  When I do this I am out of control.  I do not like that phrase "out of control".  I can picture a crazy person doing something that is ridiculous and potentially embarrassing for themselves and those around them.  I do not want that.

Today I HAVE to get it back in control.  Last week I planned to meet with a personal trainer today.   I woke up this morning looking at excuses not to go.  STOP!! I am going.  I have come to far to turn back now.  I am only half way to where I want to be on this journey.  Well that one big goal.  I know that once I get to the goal weight that I set out the new journey begins.  The one of maintaining where I am.  Problem is, partly unconsciously, I am trying to live that part of my life now.  I am not there yet.

My eating habits have not be good.  I say that I don't stuff myself, and I don't, but I never really did.  My biggest thing, and I know how VERY important it is, I need to get back into the gym.  I really would love to find someone that was on the same dedication level that I am for working out.  I have gotten myself out of the routine and I am not happy about it.  I am not going to use the excuse "my shift changed".  I am not going to use the excuse "I have to many things to do when I get off work". I am not going to use the excuse " I have my photo work that needs to be done"  I am not going to use ANY excuses because the point is?  I am choosing to let "life" control me.  I don't want to be outta control.   God made me for more than I have been living and I need to get off my hinny and get back to living.

In just over an hour I WILL be meeting with my trainer and let him know to push me and not let me give ANY excuses.  Anything that I say to not do this is just that ... and EXCUSES!!

I do have to say I am more active than I was a year ago.  I park at the back of the parking lot at work and when I go to the store or other places.  I take the stairs always when I am going down, we are working on the up thing and my knee is getting stronger :D yeah it's probably an excuse and I feel guilty as I write it, thanks  :D 

There are so many things that I can do physically today that I could not do a year ago.  A year ago it was hard for me to stand thru a while football game to shoot pix.  A lot of the games I would use the excuses that I wanted to get "stand shots" from up top.  I know it was because I wanted to sit down.  A year ago I could not make a full lap around the parking lot on my lunch without having to stop.  Today I can make two laps with no problem, sometimes while talking on the phone lol.  Today I can walk and talk without sounding like I am some kind of pervert heavy breather.  go ahead an laugh it's ok, I do to now :D. 

I have a come a long way but I still have a long way to go.  I can picture myself when I was at my best.  I was 22ish.  I worked out every day.  I could go into any store and find something I like to wear.  I could sit any place and not have to think "will this spot hold me".  I even turned the heads of the cute hunks that I came across lol.   There were some downsides to that time in my life but there were so many more upsides.  I don't want to go back to that time but I do want to be more like I was then.  I want to run, ride bikes, go hiking... ok that was funny to me too.  But I really do want to do some of those things.  hhmm I am now adding that to my "skinny" bucket list (stole that one from Cathy).  

Today I will get back on track and get the train moving again.  So if you are reading this, next time you see me go ahead and ask "are you doing any workouts?"  And don't let me give you any excuses.  I mean ANY excuses.  If I do don't help me by saying any of the "it's ok once in a while" statements.  Right now I need you guys to help me keep this going.  And for anyone that is on the journey with me I will be happy to bust your chops if you need me to.  NO EXCUSES!!  We can do this guys.  Now get off the computer and go for a walk :D

6-13-12

ok so I just realized that it's been a couple of weeks now since I have wrote anything.  I could find a lot of things to blame it on but truth is I have lost my motivation.  I'm not giving up I'm just not doing anything to move forward either.  Ever been there?  What got you back on track?

Today I talked with my new personal trainer.  I never thought I would have one but I am really looking forward to it. He does a form of kick box training.  I am hoping this will be the "kick" I need to get back on track. :D


I wish that at this point I could say that even though I haven't blogged about it I have been good.  That I have eaten right and still made it to the gym.  Truth is, I haven't been since Momma Pat passed.  I don't think it's because of that.  I do miss her.  I was there for Sandy as much as I could be.  I don't know maybe a lil bit that.  I can say that I haven't gone totally crazy and just eat to be eating.  But at the same time I have not kept count of anything that I have been doing.  Today I had a good ole fashion greasy hamburger at one of my favorite places.  I know "it's ok once in a while" but it was not the first choice like that I have made in the past few weeks.  Other than a few short walks on my breaks at work I have not even been doing my workouts ... till tonight.


Tonight I did manage to get out to the gym for a lil while with a friend from work.  It was short but I am feeling it.  Since I haven't been in two weeks I took it a lil easy.  I did a warm up on the treadmill (yes I got on one, it felt weird but I did it) for 10 min.  Don't laugh I did something that's what counts :D


Once I got some cardio I hit the weight machines.  I worked on my legs and abs.  I'm sure I looked pretty funny on some of them but I did it.  I am sure that the nice young man that educated me how to work the one will be laughing with his friends at the ole lady at the gym, but I got a burn going.  I know I won't be laughing in the morning when my legs cry when I move them.  But I will be smiling when I got that knock out bod ... lol I know I laughed too rofl


ok so not much to else to say.  I do invite everyone to bust my chops ... really bug me if you don't see me doing a blog.  Something more than my weekly challenge.  I may try to ignore ya at first .. but I will thank ya in the long run :D