Ok so today was what I had marked as my official weigh in time. As you know I had hoped that I would hit the 100lb mark. I did not. I am still holding at 86 lbs. Am I disappoint? Yeah. At the same time I had anticipated this. I would have loved to hit that mark but I am ok cuz I know I have come a long way. I am doing it right. I am not doing the crazy fad, roller coaster stuff to lose it fast. These things I have learned do get it off fast but the rewards last about as long as it took to lose it and you are back where I was and with more weight too. I have been doing this for almost 18 months without and major set backs. I didn't put it on over night and it's not going to go away over night. I actually had someone the other day ask my if I had "the surgery". I smiled with a big smile and said"nope I did it all with hard work". I have had my bad days and bad weeks here and there but looking back I see how far I have come and it's good.
I will say this again I feel better than I have in a long time. The most frustrating part? I have no clothes that fit lol. All the clothes that I held on to till I lost weight now hang on me. I guess the good part of this means I am smaller than I have been in a long time. The down side is I need to go shopping and I am not a shopper, even though I don't HAVE to go to the plus sizIe to find something that fits :D
My kicker with Doc he fussed at me about my blood pressure. I have not felt this had been a problem since I had been losing weight. He reminded me there is a reason the call it "the silent killer". There are no real signs that it's a problem. So I will be a good girl and take my blood pressure meds for now. ok ok as long as he tells me I need to.
ok well I need to go try and find an excuse not to exercise ... you got any I can use?
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
4-25-12
This is no excuses year and I am making them. When I know I am going to have a busy day I tell myself it's ok to hit the gym for less time than I had planned. Why do I do that? Why do I let that old self move in when I know that old self is destructive? I can't say it's selfish cuz selfish means you are thinking of yourself. If I was I wouldn't be so destructive .. right?
The past week has been kinda crazy for me. I keep having people tell me how good I look, yes it makes me feel good. I do feel good anyway. In the past two days I have have two people tell me they didn't realize it was me. I just don't see it. I look in the mirror I see a fat lady. I feel good but I still see where I have to go. Is that a good thing or bad?
Ok tomorrow is an official weigh in date. I go to the Dr in the morning to see what I have done over the past three months. Will I hit the 100lb mark? Probably not the way I took it easy two weeks ago. But if I don't it's ok, I have come a long way and I'm not giving up.
People ask me how I have done this. The one consistent thing I have done is keeping my calories between 1,500-2,000 and exercise. My goal is to exercise at least 30 min a day. I am failing on this one :(. I still make myself park FAR from the door I am going to. I take stairs at work, ok ok just going down for now but I am able to do this with much more ease than I could 6 months ago.
Something that I have found over the past year, like everything else, I have to change up about every 20-25 lbs. I start out doing pretty good by cutting out whites and sugars. (if you don't know what that means feel free to ask). This did pretty good for the first 20 lbs where I hit a wall for THREE weeks.
At that point I start the six meal plan with my protein shakes. I started the day off with either a good healthy breakfast then a shake of my early break at work or some days swap those two around. On the days that I had breakfast on my way to work I would stop at Subway. I got my breakfast and then a footlong/ wheat/ ham n cheese. On my lunch I would go for a walk for most of the hour. When I cam back I would have half of my Subway and then save the 2nd part for later that afternoon. When I got home had a healthy supper and then maybe a shake or smoothie for an evening snack. This worked for a while, till I had my Sept setback when Mom passed.
Six weeks later when I realized I had put back on 15 lbs it snapped me back to reality. I got back on track and over the next week and half I had dropped 18 lbs. I play with the two ethings I just stated. I kept low-no carbs and high fiber an stayed busy.
At this point in my journey I eat what I want. I don't over eat anything of the "bad" stuff but if I want a donut I eat one and keep it in my calorie count. See as soon as I tell myself, and I am sure you will agree, that I can't have something that is the very moment I want it most. I stay reasonable with my choices but if I want some chips an salsa when I go out to eat I have some.
On paper it looks so easy and really it is. It's a choice you have to make for yourself. I had a friend just the other day tell me "I can't seem to find time to exercise" my reply? "nope and you never will, you have to MAKE time" I know I am talking to myself. Today my excuse is it's to hot. Have you ever been in 100 degree temp in Texas?? that's hot :D I know I know I need to sweat. I said I has excuse, I didn't say they were good ones. Are excuses ever good??
I know I have a goal of and I am the only that can stand in my way.
The past week has been kinda crazy for me. I keep having people tell me how good I look, yes it makes me feel good. I do feel good anyway. In the past two days I have have two people tell me they didn't realize it was me. I just don't see it. I look in the mirror I see a fat lady. I feel good but I still see where I have to go. Is that a good thing or bad?
Ok tomorrow is an official weigh in date. I go to the Dr in the morning to see what I have done over the past three months. Will I hit the 100lb mark? Probably not the way I took it easy two weeks ago. But if I don't it's ok, I have come a long way and I'm not giving up.
People ask me how I have done this. The one consistent thing I have done is keeping my calories between 1,500-2,000 and exercise. My goal is to exercise at least 30 min a day. I am failing on this one :(. I still make myself park FAR from the door I am going to. I take stairs at work, ok ok just going down for now but I am able to do this with much more ease than I could 6 months ago.
Something that I have found over the past year, like everything else, I have to change up about every 20-25 lbs. I start out doing pretty good by cutting out whites and sugars. (if you don't know what that means feel free to ask). This did pretty good for the first 20 lbs where I hit a wall for THREE weeks.
At that point I start the six meal plan with my protein shakes. I started the day off with either a good healthy breakfast then a shake of my early break at work or some days swap those two around. On the days that I had breakfast on my way to work I would stop at Subway. I got my breakfast and then a footlong/ wheat/ ham n cheese. On my lunch I would go for a walk for most of the hour. When I cam back I would have half of my Subway and then save the 2nd part for later that afternoon. When I got home had a healthy supper and then maybe a shake or smoothie for an evening snack. This worked for a while, till I had my Sept setback when Mom passed.
Six weeks later when I realized I had put back on 15 lbs it snapped me back to reality. I got back on track and over the next week and half I had dropped 18 lbs. I play with the two ethings I just stated. I kept low-no carbs and high fiber an stayed busy.
At this point in my journey I eat what I want. I don't over eat anything of the "bad" stuff but if I want a donut I eat one and keep it in my calorie count. See as soon as I tell myself, and I am sure you will agree, that I can't have something that is the very moment I want it most. I stay reasonable with my choices but if I want some chips an salsa when I go out to eat I have some.
On paper it looks so easy and really it is. It's a choice you have to make for yourself. I had a friend just the other day tell me "I can't seem to find time to exercise" my reply? "nope and you never will, you have to MAKE time" I know I am talking to myself. Today my excuse is it's to hot. Have you ever been in 100 degree temp in Texas?? that's hot :D I know I know I need to sweat. I said I has excuse, I didn't say they were good ones. Are excuses ever good??
I know I have a goal of and I am the only that can stand in my way.
Monday, April 23, 2012
4-23-12
Ok so if you are following you know that I have not been getting this done every day, more lucky to blog every week. I would like to say I have been busy and it would be true but probably more than anything I have not been to the gym as much. Not that I am trying to hide that fact, but there is when I do my best thinking. I know I know stop laughing I do think sometimes :D
I really need to follow my own advise that I gave someone just today. You will never FIND time to exercise you have to MAKE the time. I can say that the new schedule is my problem but I know that I just need to MAKE the time to exercise. I have been walking on my lunch some and on my long break in the evening, but even that has not been consistent. So my game plan at this point is to MAKE myself find at least 30 min EVERYday to walk. If nothing else just walk. I am not going to include the time it takes for me to walk from my car, at the back of the lot, to the building or reverse that in the evening when I leave. I will not include the time it takes for me to walk to the break room or any other place on my breaks. I will fine 30 mins a day for the time to include for JUST as exercise. Who's with me.
We spend that much time sitting in front of the TV watching a sitcom in the evenings. Take a walk with a friend. Take a walk with your kids. Take a walk alone and think about what is going on and clear you head. You feel better. You sleep better. It's a win win situation. I know, my foot hurts, my knee hurts. I have a headache. The allergies are bad right now. Hey I am the queen of excuses but if I can find time to do something for 30 min anyone can. Oh here's a great idea. Get an exercise bike and ride while you are watching that sitcom. Before you know it you are done :D
So Thursday is my day to see the Dr. I am hoping to hit the 100lb mark by that time. In light of that I have gone back to my shakes. I am eating a good breakfast and then doing protein shakes the other two meals on weekdays. I am staying in my calorie range and I am good :D Wish me luck.
ok so for my big problem, well not so much a problem but me getting past myself. I feel better than I have in a long time, not that's not the problem. I have people tell me all the time I am looking good, not that's not it either. I can fit in those clothes that you hang on to when you lose weight and most are to big now, nope still not it. I can see on the scale, I see in the clothes I wear but when I look in the mirror I still this fat person. I know that I have come a long way but I keep seeing how far I have to go. I see the big girl. I can't wait till I can see myself like others see me, those that knew me before. I know someone reading this is going to ask how it that a problem. I can't seem to get past what I was to see who I really am.
I really need to follow my own advise that I gave someone just today. You will never FIND time to exercise you have to MAKE the time. I can say that the new schedule is my problem but I know that I just need to MAKE the time to exercise. I have been walking on my lunch some and on my long break in the evening, but even that has not been consistent. So my game plan at this point is to MAKE myself find at least 30 min EVERYday to walk. If nothing else just walk. I am not going to include the time it takes for me to walk from my car, at the back of the lot, to the building or reverse that in the evening when I leave. I will not include the time it takes for me to walk to the break room or any other place on my breaks. I will fine 30 mins a day for the time to include for JUST as exercise. Who's with me.
We spend that much time sitting in front of the TV watching a sitcom in the evenings. Take a walk with a friend. Take a walk with your kids. Take a walk alone and think about what is going on and clear you head. You feel better. You sleep better. It's a win win situation. I know, my foot hurts, my knee hurts. I have a headache. The allergies are bad right now. Hey I am the queen of excuses but if I can find time to do something for 30 min anyone can. Oh here's a great idea. Get an exercise bike and ride while you are watching that sitcom. Before you know it you are done :D
So Thursday is my day to see the Dr. I am hoping to hit the 100lb mark by that time. In light of that I have gone back to my shakes. I am eating a good breakfast and then doing protein shakes the other two meals on weekdays. I am staying in my calorie range and I am good :D Wish me luck.
ok so for my big problem, well not so much a problem but me getting past myself. I feel better than I have in a long time, not that's not the problem. I have people tell me all the time I am looking good, not that's not it either. I can fit in those clothes that you hang on to when you lose weight and most are to big now, nope still not it. I can see on the scale, I see in the clothes I wear but when I look in the mirror I still this fat person. I know that I have come a long way but I keep seeing how far I have to go. I see the big girl. I can't wait till I can see myself like others see me, those that knew me before. I know someone reading this is going to ask how it that a problem. I can't seem to get past what I was to see who I really am.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
4-18-12
No excuses, I am just not getting into the gym like I need to. I am staying active but still that too is an excuse. I am have come to far to turn back and I'm not turning back, just seem to be in the same spot. Anyone else that is on, or has taken, this journey have those times?
I feel better than I have in a long time. I doing things that a year ago I only wished I could do. Not anything crazy, just think that involve some form of exercise. Sunday I went to a carnival. We walked about half a mile from where we parked to get there. I did it with no problems and was able to carry on a conversation while doing so. We walked around the carnival for some time and then the half mile back. I did feel the exhausted feeling that I use to when I attempted things like this.
The one thing that did get me when I was walking back was when I seen my reflection in one of the windows. I have people all the time telling me how good I look and it's nice to hear. And all those clothes we hang on til we lose the weight again? I waited to long to wear most of them. I can wear them but most of them hang on me. I have gone down three pant sizes and should be really proud of myself, and I am. But when I seen my reflection in the window all I seen was a fat woman.
I know people, esp ones that haven't known me long, see that fat person. Some days I do want to just yell "you should have seen me a year ago" but they wouldn't understand why. I'm sure that not everyone looks at me like that, least not like I feel on some days. I'm sure it's more me seeing where I need to go instead of where I have come from.
There is someone I have been with several times over the past few weeks and each time I was with her someone that hadn't seem me in a while commented on how well I was looking. One of them ask how much I had lost and the lady I was with kind did the double take at me when I said 86 lbs. It feels good to have people notice me. It feels good to know that I have come this far. I just can't seem to get out of my mind how much I still need to go.
I feel better than I have in a long time. I doing things that a year ago I only wished I could do. Not anything crazy, just think that involve some form of exercise. Sunday I went to a carnival. We walked about half a mile from where we parked to get there. I did it with no problems and was able to carry on a conversation while doing so. We walked around the carnival for some time and then the half mile back. I did feel the exhausted feeling that I use to when I attempted things like this.
The one thing that did get me when I was walking back was when I seen my reflection in one of the windows. I have people all the time telling me how good I look and it's nice to hear. And all those clothes we hang on til we lose the weight again? I waited to long to wear most of them. I can wear them but most of them hang on me. I have gone down three pant sizes and should be really proud of myself, and I am. But when I seen my reflection in the window all I seen was a fat woman.
I know people, esp ones that haven't known me long, see that fat person. Some days I do want to just yell "you should have seen me a year ago" but they wouldn't understand why. I'm sure that not everyone looks at me like that, least not like I feel on some days. I'm sure it's more me seeing where I need to go instead of where I have come from.
There is someone I have been with several times over the past few weeks and each time I was with her someone that hadn't seem me in a while commented on how well I was looking. One of them ask how much I had lost and the lady I was with kind did the double take at me when I said 86 lbs. It feels good to have people notice me. It feels good to know that I have come this far. I just can't seem to get out of my mind how much I still need to go.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
4-14-12
Excuses Excuses Excuses!!!
We all have excuses. It's to hot. It's to cold. It's to early. It's to late. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money for a gym membership. I'm to tired. I know I know I've used them. My new one? My shift change ... I can't get in long enough workout before work. really? Really? REALLY???
As I was swimming today I was thinking. I know I find it hard to believe too but I did. This actually when I do my best thinking. I am making the excuse that I can't get in a long enough workout like I had been getting in so I am not going. I tell myself that I will walk on lunch like I use to. It hasn't happened. I tell myself I will go to the gym when I get off work. Yeah that's not happening either. So what I have done for a workout this week? Nothing really.
So as I was swimming today I realized that because I didn't get in the workout I WANT to that I have done nothing. WHY?? I could easily go in at 5 like I had been doing and just workout less time. Then on my days off I can get in a hard workout. It sounds like a good plan but it's gonna take some planning and A LOT of prayer.
My excuse, also, for not going in the am before. I don't like to get ready at the gym I can never seem to cool off enough to get ready like I want to. My hair looks awful. Wellll I can't say that I do that great of a job on it when I am not at the gym. I want to get in at least twice a week prior to work and then two of my day off for a power workout. I have come to far to slip back to where I was a year ago.
The past few weeks were rough for me. Several things. I got in a mode that I couldn't not keep on track. Besides not going to the gym I have not been planning my meal times like I had been. I haven't been going over board on my calories, but I have not been tracking them like I need to. Some days even skipping meals. I have learned, from the past, this is not a good thing for me. It is partly how I got so obese. Don't laugh you CAN gain weight from not eating enough.
I know part of my getting off track was from me going over board. As much as I tried not to be obsessing about hitting the 100lb mark by the time I go to the Dr I let it play me. I told myself it's ok if it don't happen but it did. I know that I will not make the goal that I wanted to make, and that's ok as long as I have not gained any back. I have come a long way. I have lost 86 lbs and feel better than I have in a long time. I am going to start looking at what I have done instead of what I didn't do right. If it takes me a life time to lose it, that ok. It took me a lifetime to gain it. I'm on track for now :D
Friday, April 6, 2012
4-6-12
This has been a rough week. I have done pretty much nothing in the gym. I would like to say it's because I have been busy working my J.O.B and editing photos. This would be true. I would like to say I have been active in other ways instead of just sitting at home on my butt waiting for it to get bigger again. This would be true too. I would like to say a lot of things, but truth is I just have not put in the extra effort to make it to the gym. I went one day and only worked an hour and a half. This was not even a normal short workout. I have just flat not felt like doing anything.
Today was a horrible day. I know it's because I let things get to me. I know I should just shake it off and go on. I know that no matter what I do, say or feel there is always going to be someone there to try and knock me back. Some that will not like me. Or someone that just flat can't be honest to my face and hurt my feelings. At the same time I have an obligation to myself to not let this get me. I have a choice to make. Am I going to get upset? Or am I going to chose to look at the positive in my life. Well today I chose to let it upset me.
I spent way to much time letting someone else affect my day. I can't help that they can not be honest to me. If they can't come to me and tell me how they honestly feel that it not my problem ... is it? I know I know I'm still upset about it. Just the way it is today.
I have made a number of not so good choices this week. Thing I am not happy about. I will have my pity party for now and shake it off next week and get over and move on. I wish I could say that I will wake up in the morning and things will be all better. I really don't see that happening.
This will be my first Easter without my Mom. I miss her her so much right now. I know she would tell me to get over it and just move on. She would say I need to live my life and that she is fine. But there are some days I really need my mom. I just want to hear her voice again. The crazy laugh she had when I would do some thing crazy. She use to call about some of the most off the wall reason, yes at times I got frustrated about it. I would give anything to have even one of those calls right now. I miss you mom. I'm not giving up, I'm just having a hard time right now. I will shake it off and make you proud. You can look down an smile and say "that's my girl". I will feel it when you do. Today I just need to cry. I love you Mom. Happy Easter
Today was a horrible day. I know it's because I let things get to me. I know I should just shake it off and go on. I know that no matter what I do, say or feel there is always going to be someone there to try and knock me back. Some that will not like me. Or someone that just flat can't be honest to my face and hurt my feelings. At the same time I have an obligation to myself to not let this get me. I have a choice to make. Am I going to get upset? Or am I going to chose to look at the positive in my life. Well today I chose to let it upset me.
I spent way to much time letting someone else affect my day. I can't help that they can not be honest to me. If they can't come to me and tell me how they honestly feel that it not my problem ... is it? I know I know I'm still upset about it. Just the way it is today.
I have made a number of not so good choices this week. Thing I am not happy about. I will have my pity party for now and shake it off next week and get over and move on. I wish I could say that I will wake up in the morning and things will be all better. I really don't see that happening.
This will be my first Easter without my Mom. I miss her her so much right now. I know she would tell me to get over it and just move on. She would say I need to live my life and that she is fine. But there are some days I really need my mom. I just want to hear her voice again. The crazy laugh she had when I would do some thing crazy. She use to call about some of the most off the wall reason, yes at times I got frustrated about it. I would give anything to have even one of those calls right now. I miss you mom. I'm not giving up, I'm just having a hard time right now. I will shake it off and make you proud. You can look down an smile and say "that's my girl". I will feel it when you do. Today I just need to cry. I love you Mom. Happy Easter
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