where to start? what to say? So many thought running in my head but not sure how to put them in words.
balance
control
happiness / sadness
alone
I see it now
self worth
roller coaster
family
peace
peace
peace ... do you have it? can you feel at peace with yourself when you feel your life is outta control? can you feel peace when you are alone? does peace help you see how to balance your life?
I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer for any of this. Everyone will answer different from the next. Some days each person can answer different than the day before.
In the past 24 hours it's the word that I have. It's the only word that makes any sense even though I can't put it into words. In some ways my heart hurts but I can feel at peace and it makes me smile.
Sadly I don't know where everyone, in my life here or in the physical, stand with God but for me I love Him. I am not ashamed of Him and He has been the real key to success in my journey.
I have felt like I was falling back more than once and sometimes I have fallen back. But when I stop and ask for help He is there. He picks me up and gives me direction. I know I don't say a lot about it in my blogs because there is more. It goes back to the balance. This is a physical journey that I face everyday. I have struggled with it all my life and I have come to accept it. That doesn't mean I can't do something about it to make it better. This is the time and I want to do anything I can to help anyone that is wanting to walk it with me. Most days I walk it alone and that's ok, I will still encourage anyone that comes in my path. I want them to feel better about themselves like I am starting to about myself.
This morning I stated that there has to be a balance. This is true ... we need nutrition ... rest ... exercise ... hydration ... and we can't forget the Spiritual side. I am not on a tangent here and I don't plan on preaching any sermons but I feel that God wants everyone to know that we can do this with His help. He gave us each other too so we can walk together and do this.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense ... again my thoughts are all over the places even trying to focus here ... but I needed to at least try to get some of it out there.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
7-18-12
Ok
so today was better. I am sure there was someone out there
praying for me. I managed to get a pretty good nights sleep.
I can't say that I woke up full of energy but I didn't feel
tired or sluggish like I have at times.
I
had some quiet time .. ate breakfast ... 2eggs an two wheat toast ...
DRY!! :D and was off to work. I did stop for my energy
drink but I also got my bottle of water too.
Work
was a short day so it went pretty fast. I made my early morning
break trip to the lunch room and got ____ not gonna tell ... some
bacon ... lol
My
lunch time was tooo early for me to be hungry so I didn't eat. I
just had two more hours to work at that point and thought I would eat
when I got home. Who am I kidding? I knew I had less than an
hour to get home, change clothes and get to my trainers house. So
no I didn't have lunch. Yes he talked to me about it. No
he didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know .. well not
really. He did say a few things that made me look at it in
different way. I am working on that. Then he kicked my
butt. Well actually my upper body. At least now I can
move my arms again :D
When
I got home I had a protein shake, since promised I would have
"something". Some how this reminded my body that it
was hungry. I really didn't feel like cooking tonight. I
was tired at this point. I did fix a nice big bowl of broccoli
.... and then one more :D A lil bit later I did go back and eat
some wheat buttered wheat toast.
The
evening was quite again. No one here but I am ok with it today.
I am working on focusing on the positive and not the negative.
I challenge anyone out there reading this: Every morning
before you get started find THREE things that you can be thankful
for. I use to do this a few years ago and it helped me get
focused. At one point of this I was feeling really down.
Physically. It was right before I had to have surgery on
my knee. I would wake up some mornings with pain that I really
didn't like. So one of the things that I was thankful for was
that I COULD feel that pain. At least I knew it was still
working and I had my leg. There are many out there that don't
.. ya know?
So
who's with me? What three things are you thankful for?
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
7-17-12
It's
been a though day. I'm not even sure where to start or for that
matter even who will care about it. Yup, I'm having one of
those moments in my life that I just don't _____ you can fill in the
blank cuz I really don't know what I don't know.
I have been feeling really bummed ... alone really. It makes it hard to stay focused. I try to keep my head up, it's not like things are bad, just not where I want to be. I know it's a selfish thought/feeling/attitude/____. I want more ... me me me me .. that's my problem I am focused on me instead of what I need to be doing. I fuss at my son all the time for looking at the negative and that's what I have been doing. So why do I keep doing it?
I have been feeling really bummed ... alone really. It makes it hard to stay focused. I try to keep my head up, it's not like things are bad, just not where I want to be. I know it's a selfish thought/feeling/attitude/____. I want more ... me me me me .. that's my problem I am focused on me instead of what I need to be doing. I fuss at my son all the time for looking at the negative and that's what I have been doing. So why do I keep doing it?
- I have great kids, even if we argue or hurt each others feeling from time to time we still love each other.
- I have my job. Yeah I complain about it and there are things that get on my nerves at times when I am there, but it's more than a lot of people have to day. I thank God that I have it an ask for forgiveness for complaining.
- I have a car that runs. It may not be the newest. It may not be fancy or sporyt or ___ but it's mine and it gets me there. It all I really care about.
- I have a house to live in. It's not mine and I pay rent and probably will till the day I die. At least I'm not living in a cardboard box under a bridge some where.
- I have friends. Just not that close to anyone any more. Every time I think someone comes along to be there life takes us a different direction. I have plenty of those friends that I can call and know there are there for me if I call them but we all live in different circles. But I have them and it's comforting. I am sure there are some out there that don't have even that .. or at least feel they don't.
- I have my health. I am not in the best shape but that is what this journey is about. I have come a long way and I feel soooo much better than I did a year ago ... a year n half ago ... these days I take the stairs. I park away from the destination. I drink WATER. I am alive ... right?
So
why am I sitting here feeling alone? I see my kids growing up,
like we all have an will continue till the end of time. I am
really happy for them and proud of them. Even though they are
"here" I feel the empty nest already. I realized that
I have spent the past 20+ years for them. My decisions were if
they were going to benefit them. Don't get me wrong I have no
regrets and I would do it again starting tomorrow if I was faced with
that decision. I just realize that I set everything aside so I
could be there for them an forgot to "set aside" for me.
How do I do that at my age? I am set in my ways, as unorganized as that may be. Picky. an they say moody at times but I think it's just them. Where do I go from here?
So I could easily sit here and feel sorry for myself (and probably will for a while longer) or I can kick myself in the hinney (which is becoming smaller all the time) an get up and keep going. Sounds simple huh? Lets see if I do it. Feel free to bust me on it when you see me slacking off. I dare you. No one has yet!!
How do I do that at my age? I am set in my ways, as unorganized as that may be. Picky. an they say moody at times but I think it's just them. Where do I go from here?
So I could easily sit here and feel sorry for myself (and probably will for a while longer) or I can kick myself in the hinney (which is becoming smaller all the time) an get up and keep going. Sounds simple huh? Lets see if I do it. Feel free to bust me on it when you see me slacking off. I dare you. No one has yet!!
Friday, July 13, 2012
7-13-12
So today was good but ended on an interesting, challenging note. There was nothing to any extremes really. The morning woke up and got going. Stopped for breakfast burritos for me an the kids before my daughter dropped me off at work.
I don't know if I made all the best choices today. I can't say that I made the extra effort for exercise. But I can say the evening was more of a challenge that I really wanted to deal with.
For some reason part of my eating habits haven't been the best. I have kept in my calorie count range but not because I ate all the "right" foods but because I didn't eat thru the day like I should be to keep the metabolism going. I don't know why I just have not felt like eating. I wake up hungry, eat a good breakfast. Lunch some times, at least a snack size something like I did today. Today had a few chicken tenders. Yup they were battered and fried and they were good. But after a few bites of them I found myself not wanting them. Not totally because I was full but I convinced myself that I was.
Dinner? Nope nuttin. I found myself home alone again and just didn't feel like cooking for myself, nor did I feel like sitting at a restaurant (fast food or other wise). I guess I convinced myself that I wasn't hungry and sat and watched TV for a while.
Fell asleep for a bit but woke up to an empty house an didn't feel like being here. I went for a drive. I use to do that back before I had the kids and some how it was relaxing. It doesn't seem the same these days for some reason. Sitting at the lake watching the ripples of the water off the moonlight was nice enough.
So the challenge? Something I use to do when I would drive around was drop in something an get a drink or something to eat. Part of me wanted to but I never did. Something inside of me felt empty but I knew that food was not going to fill it.
So now here I sit at 2am feeling hungry but not wanting to eat. I know I'm going to lay down in a bit and try again to sleep and I don't want to go to bed just after eating. That's what has me here. Hoping that I can get this out of my system and just sleep. Clear my brain so it will stop, right? I guess in a sense I did good today. I didn't eat in the end. I'm finally starting to feel sleepy so nite all ... hope you had a great day
I don't know if I made all the best choices today. I can't say that I made the extra effort for exercise. But I can say the evening was more of a challenge that I really wanted to deal with.
For some reason part of my eating habits haven't been the best. I have kept in my calorie count range but not because I ate all the "right" foods but because I didn't eat thru the day like I should be to keep the metabolism going. I don't know why I just have not felt like eating. I wake up hungry, eat a good breakfast. Lunch some times, at least a snack size something like I did today. Today had a few chicken tenders. Yup they were battered and fried and they were good. But after a few bites of them I found myself not wanting them. Not totally because I was full but I convinced myself that I was.
Dinner? Nope nuttin. I found myself home alone again and just didn't feel like cooking for myself, nor did I feel like sitting at a restaurant (fast food or other wise). I guess I convinced myself that I wasn't hungry and sat and watched TV for a while.
Fell asleep for a bit but woke up to an empty house an didn't feel like being here. I went for a drive. I use to do that back before I had the kids and some how it was relaxing. It doesn't seem the same these days for some reason. Sitting at the lake watching the ripples of the water off the moonlight was nice enough.
So the challenge? Something I use to do when I would drive around was drop in something an get a drink or something to eat. Part of me wanted to but I never did. Something inside of me felt empty but I knew that food was not going to fill it.
So now here I sit at 2am feeling hungry but not wanting to eat. I know I'm going to lay down in a bit and try again to sleep and I don't want to go to bed just after eating. That's what has me here. Hoping that I can get this out of my system and just sleep. Clear my brain so it will stop, right? I guess in a sense I did good today. I didn't eat in the end. I'm finally starting to feel sleepy so nite all ... hope you had a great day
Thursday, July 12, 2012
7-12-12
ok this is probably short an sweet .. well unless that squirrel pops in .. it has a tendency to do that.
So today stated with a jolt. I work not knowing what time it was cuz my phone .. aka alarm clock ... had shut off again. Not sure if I missed plugging it in or it got unplugged after I went to sleep. I realize it was still dark, this was a plus it meant I could be to late. Today my luck was good it was only 5am. whew, I can't afford to be late again.
I woke up hungry an I heard the eggs calling my name. I love me some scrambled eggs an wheat toast. Answered emails .. showered ... woke up my daughter who was to be keeping the car today to job hunt .. and was off to work ... yes I stopped for my Monster. I will work on that one later :D
Early break called to the cafeteria cuz I still love my scrambled eggs, cuz I was hungry again. It had been 4 hours since my first round :D Ok ok so I added some sausage this time ... but in all fairness I tossed half of it realizing I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.
Lunch? oh yeah I didn't have my car to go any place so I was stuck. I joked with my work neighbor to bring me food. Then again I did that to several people. I love to joke around .. I know you find this as a surprise, but it's true. Anywhoo he ended up coming back and ploopped down a sack. You want to know what is in this sack doncha? There was a big YELLOW M on it. I know that they have healthy options but this was not one of them. Chicken nuggets. At least that's what they call them. Sometime I think they use turkey too. What ... TWO boxes? TWENTY nuggets?? oh my oh my. An you know how many I ate? only 10 Ten TEN!! I tell ya only 10. I had my daughter b/f to take the rest out of the building away from me. FAR away from me. Don't get me wrong I was grateful that my friend thought about me.
So Dinner ... oh I was lazy and didn't want to eat. At the same time I needed something so that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night (like I use to do) and go looking for something. This is not a good thing. I know I'm making excuses but I shouldn't skip a meal so I didn't :D I grabbed me a bowl of oatmeal and was good to go. YES I put butter on it. I told you I can't eat it without butter. BUT not like I use to :D I know that's an excuse huh? I'll work on that. Thanks for pointing that out to me :D Gotta keep me on track.
So today I took the stairs again ... the WHOLE day ... even when downstairs one time just to climb back up again. James would be proud of me .. heheheehe
So my biggest challenge, and the one I tell everyone to do, is getting in enough exercise. I need to hit the gym. I know parking at the back of the lot ... and walking the stairs ... and ... ok you get it .. those are all good things but I need my gym time. I would go tonight but it's to late. Nope not an excuse this time. I need my rest. Remember we talked about that yesterday. Rest helps your to think better and make better choices. And I want to get up an hit the gym early ... Early ... EARLY 5am ... lol I said I would try. We'll see what happens. I want to get back into my routine of going at least 3-5 days a week. I do miss it. I felt better and I slept better which made me think better which ... what was I saying?? hhmm guess I need some sleep ... hope everyone had a good day ...
So today stated with a jolt. I work not knowing what time it was cuz my phone .. aka alarm clock ... had shut off again. Not sure if I missed plugging it in or it got unplugged after I went to sleep. I realize it was still dark, this was a plus it meant I could be to late. Today my luck was good it was only 5am. whew, I can't afford to be late again.
I woke up hungry an I heard the eggs calling my name. I love me some scrambled eggs an wheat toast. Answered emails .. showered ... woke up my daughter who was to be keeping the car today to job hunt .. and was off to work ... yes I stopped for my Monster. I will work on that one later :D
Early break called to the cafeteria cuz I still love my scrambled eggs, cuz I was hungry again. It had been 4 hours since my first round :D Ok ok so I added some sausage this time ... but in all fairness I tossed half of it realizing I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.
Lunch? oh yeah I didn't have my car to go any place so I was stuck. I joked with my work neighbor to bring me food. Then again I did that to several people. I love to joke around .. I know you find this as a surprise, but it's true. Anywhoo he ended up coming back and ploopped down a sack. You want to know what is in this sack doncha? There was a big YELLOW M on it. I know that they have healthy options but this was not one of them. Chicken nuggets. At least that's what they call them. Sometime I think they use turkey too. What ... TWO boxes? TWENTY nuggets?? oh my oh my. An you know how many I ate? only 10 Ten TEN!! I tell ya only 10. I had my daughter b/f to take the rest out of the building away from me. FAR away from me. Don't get me wrong I was grateful that my friend thought about me.
So Dinner ... oh I was lazy and didn't want to eat. At the same time I needed something so that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night (like I use to do) and go looking for something. This is not a good thing. I know I'm making excuses but I shouldn't skip a meal so I didn't :D I grabbed me a bowl of oatmeal and was good to go. YES I put butter on it. I told you I can't eat it without butter. BUT not like I use to :D I know that's an excuse huh? I'll work on that. Thanks for pointing that out to me :D Gotta keep me on track.
So today I took the stairs again ... the WHOLE day ... even when downstairs one time just to climb back up again. James would be proud of me .. heheheehe
So my biggest challenge, and the one I tell everyone to do, is getting in enough exercise. I need to hit the gym. I know parking at the back of the lot ... and walking the stairs ... and ... ok you get it .. those are all good things but I need my gym time. I would go tonight but it's to late. Nope not an excuse this time. I need my rest. Remember we talked about that yesterday. Rest helps your to think better and make better choices. And I want to get up an hit the gym early ... Early ... EARLY 5am ... lol I said I would try. We'll see what happens. I want to get back into my routine of going at least 3-5 days a week. I do miss it. I felt better and I slept better which made me think better which ... what was I saying?? hhmm guess I need some sleep ... hope everyone had a good day ...
7-11-12
I know I know it's really 7-12 but it was late last night and you wouldn't have read it anyway :D
So my day went pretty well yesterday. I had gotten a nice nights sleep woke up bright an early and started off with a big breakfast of scrambled eggs and wheat toast. Showered and off to work my 5 hrs OT.
I did stop on the way to work an get my monster drink (rehab, only 10 calories) and made it in and out of the store without my lil friends calling me from the hotdog grill :D
My morning break I did go visit the ladies cooking up the yummy carbs for lunch :D I had a couple of pieces of sausage to tie me over till I got home.
Lunch was late, for me, but I made spaghetti, it was quick and easy and everyone would eat it. I know it's not the healthiest choice but it's ok I was doing good. I only had one helping. :D
At work I took the stairs all day down AND up :D One time I almost made it without getting out of breath on my way up. I look forward to the day I can make it all the way. At the same time I remember a few months ago when it was hard for me to take them down, so I am getting stronger. OH HEY!! That's a NSV :D
So after last night I got to have dinner with some old friends. This family stepped into my life 15 years ago at a point that I was really needing some answers. I had a daycare that I ran in my home and they were one of the best set of parents that I had. Being military (them not me) as all good things tend to do at times they left here. The just got stationed here again after being in Japan for four years. The girls had not seen each other since the left here, but had kept in touch and were excited about seeing each other.
We went to Buffalo Wild Wings. I know the common thought here is chicken wings ... coated in stuff .. fried and coated in stuff ... what did I have? WRONG I had the GRILLED tenders and there were great :D I did eat about a 1/3 of the fries and loved them and don't feel bad about it. I had a good day.
I never made it to the trainer but it's ok too. I didn't set aside a "workout" time but I: 1. took the stairs all day. 2. walked the hallway .. ok only once :D 3. did some house work ... when I was MAD... you know that HAS to burn more calories when you are mad ... right?
All in all I felt pretty good about the day healthy wise. Today is a new day and I need to get it started. I will type at ya later :D
So my day went pretty well yesterday. I had gotten a nice nights sleep woke up bright an early and started off with a big breakfast of scrambled eggs and wheat toast. Showered and off to work my 5 hrs OT.
I did stop on the way to work an get my monster drink (rehab, only 10 calories) and made it in and out of the store without my lil friends calling me from the hotdog grill :D
My morning break I did go visit the ladies cooking up the yummy carbs for lunch :D I had a couple of pieces of sausage to tie me over till I got home.
Lunch was late, for me, but I made spaghetti, it was quick and easy and everyone would eat it. I know it's not the healthiest choice but it's ok I was doing good. I only had one helping. :D
At work I took the stairs all day down AND up :D One time I almost made it without getting out of breath on my way up. I look forward to the day I can make it all the way. At the same time I remember a few months ago when it was hard for me to take them down, so I am getting stronger. OH HEY!! That's a NSV :D
So after last night I got to have dinner with some old friends. This family stepped into my life 15 years ago at a point that I was really needing some answers. I had a daycare that I ran in my home and they were one of the best set of parents that I had. Being military (them not me) as all good things tend to do at times they left here. The just got stationed here again after being in Japan for four years. The girls had not seen each other since the left here, but had kept in touch and were excited about seeing each other.
We went to Buffalo Wild Wings. I know the common thought here is chicken wings ... coated in stuff .. fried and coated in stuff ... what did I have? WRONG I had the GRILLED tenders and there were great :D I did eat about a 1/3 of the fries and loved them and don't feel bad about it. I had a good day.
I never made it to the trainer but it's ok too. I didn't set aside a "workout" time but I: 1. took the stairs all day. 2. walked the hallway .. ok only once :D 3. did some house work ... when I was MAD... you know that HAS to burn more calories when you are mad ... right?
All in all I felt pretty good about the day healthy wise. Today is a new day and I need to get it started. I will type at ya later :D
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
7-10-12
ok So today wasn't so bad. I can't say that I made any leaps in bounds on the positive side but I think I did better than I did yesterday.
So yesterday I refilled my meds (this was not pretty me going a week without them) and I know this is part of what helped me today. I realized my sleep apnea was causing me not to sleep as well. Dr had given me some meds to help me stay awake in the day and something else to help me sleep at night. I have done this routine several times over the past few years and it works for me. I am a much more pleasant person like this.
I have said this before and I will say it again. This journey is not just about nutrition and exercise. Your body has to REST!! When I don't get the proper sleep I make poor choices. Not to mention you body does not have time to replenish like it needs to. My
Dr and I have talked about studies that have linked poor sleep habits to obesity. Now I don't know what is suppose to be the right amount of rest for you body, but I am pretty sure it's more than a few hours. If you are not sure, talk to your Dr about it.
Something else I am learning about with rest in the body is resting between workouts. I really never thought about how important it was to rest between my workouts, esp the ones that I poor out my heart in. I was talking with my trainer and he recommends 24 hrs between a hard workout. Not saying don't do anything else, easy cardio is good any time. But if the muscles do not rest, just like the rest of the body, you are not going to get the results that you are looking for. You will burn out before you get the results you want.
So how did I do today? you tell me. I got up at 4:30 this morning ,,, hungry. I had, no I fixed my oatmeal and ate part of it. I got side tracked, like I do so many times, and didn't get back to it. On my work to work I stopped, out of habit, to get a drink remember (only after going in the store) that I already had one. But I did see my sunflower seeds staring me down. I know I know Sodium ... I get it ... and I get it ... at the same time it helps me not to be hungry. I figure if I don't use any salt when cooking (like so many do without realizing it) I can have my sunflower seeds. Excuses huh? ok I'll work on that.
While I was in the store not only did I get my lil friends I seen it's friends. Taquites spinning on the "hot dog grill" I realized just recently these innocent ...small ... lil guys are 170-180 calories .... EACH!! Did I get any this morning? Whadda you think. So you are now thinking man I need to kick her in the hinney. Maybe but not for the reasons you are thinking right now.
What did I have for lunch? what did I have?? hhmmm oh yeah .. didn't feel like eating, so I didn't. This was not the first of poor choices today and not the last. On my late break I was feeling a lil hungry. I was really hoping to get lucky and find something healthy in the lunch room ... I know this is the place that can take a perfectly healthy veggies wrap in carbs and fry them ... but I thought I would give it a go, yesterday I got lucky an had a good lunch. What did I have today? A corn dog.
So now you guys are thinking she is just messed up the whole day. At the same time if you were to go back and count up my calories I am sure I didn't get that far off, esp since I didn't eat dinner. I really didn't feel like it. This means that I will probably wake up hungry in the am. I already have in my mind that I am doing scrambled eggs and taking my shake with me to work. MMMMM.
Today on my morning break I was going to do it. I was going to walk the parking lot like I use to all the time. Two rounds around the full lot is a mile. Now I didn't have the idea that I was going to do that in my 15min break, but I was going to walk. Really didn't think about it just went out there. Now I don't know how many of you are aware of what it's like with Texas and heat, but I will say that add the humidity and I didn't make it far. It the part of the front lot wasn't to bad. I had a nice breeze. I got to the other side and nothing. At this point I began to sweat. No I'm not afraid to sweat, but you don't want me to go back to work for the next 6 hrs after this. I cut it short an only did half the distance I had thought about doing. But that's ok, it's more than some days :D
I also made this no elevator day. Yes I took them up and down all day. It was to pretty, or quickly, going up but I made it. So did I make it today? You tell me. What was my day like?
So yesterday I refilled my meds (this was not pretty me going a week without them) and I know this is part of what helped me today. I realized my sleep apnea was causing me not to sleep as well. Dr had given me some meds to help me stay awake in the day and something else to help me sleep at night. I have done this routine several times over the past few years and it works for me. I am a much more pleasant person like this.
I have said this before and I will say it again. This journey is not just about nutrition and exercise. Your body has to REST!! When I don't get the proper sleep I make poor choices. Not to mention you body does not have time to replenish like it needs to. My
Dr and I have talked about studies that have linked poor sleep habits to obesity. Now I don't know what is suppose to be the right amount of rest for you body, but I am pretty sure it's more than a few hours. If you are not sure, talk to your Dr about it.
Something else I am learning about with rest in the body is resting between workouts. I really never thought about how important it was to rest between my workouts, esp the ones that I poor out my heart in. I was talking with my trainer and he recommends 24 hrs between a hard workout. Not saying don't do anything else, easy cardio is good any time. But if the muscles do not rest, just like the rest of the body, you are not going to get the results that you are looking for. You will burn out before you get the results you want.
So how did I do today? you tell me. I got up at 4:30 this morning ,,, hungry. I had, no I fixed my oatmeal and ate part of it. I got side tracked, like I do so many times, and didn't get back to it. On my work to work I stopped, out of habit, to get a drink remember (only after going in the store) that I already had one. But I did see my sunflower seeds staring me down. I know I know Sodium ... I get it ... and I get it ... at the same time it helps me not to be hungry. I figure if I don't use any salt when cooking (like so many do without realizing it) I can have my sunflower seeds. Excuses huh? ok I'll work on that.
While I was in the store not only did I get my lil friends I seen it's friends. Taquites spinning on the "hot dog grill" I realized just recently these innocent ...small ... lil guys are 170-180 calories .... EACH!! Did I get any this morning? Whadda you think. So you are now thinking man I need to kick her in the hinney. Maybe but not for the reasons you are thinking right now.
What did I have for lunch? what did I have?? hhmmm oh yeah .. didn't feel like eating, so I didn't. This was not the first of poor choices today and not the last. On my late break I was feeling a lil hungry. I was really hoping to get lucky and find something healthy in the lunch room ... I know this is the place that can take a perfectly healthy veggies wrap in carbs and fry them ... but I thought I would give it a go, yesterday I got lucky an had a good lunch. What did I have today? A corn dog.
So now you guys are thinking she is just messed up the whole day. At the same time if you were to go back and count up my calories I am sure I didn't get that far off, esp since I didn't eat dinner. I really didn't feel like it. This means that I will probably wake up hungry in the am. I already have in my mind that I am doing scrambled eggs and taking my shake with me to work. MMMMM.
Today on my morning break I was going to do it. I was going to walk the parking lot like I use to all the time. Two rounds around the full lot is a mile. Now I didn't have the idea that I was going to do that in my 15min break, but I was going to walk. Really didn't think about it just went out there. Now I don't know how many of you are aware of what it's like with Texas and heat, but I will say that add the humidity and I didn't make it far. It the part of the front lot wasn't to bad. I had a nice breeze. I got to the other side and nothing. At this point I began to sweat. No I'm not afraid to sweat, but you don't want me to go back to work for the next 6 hrs after this. I cut it short an only did half the distance I had thought about doing. But that's ok, it's more than some days :D
I also made this no elevator day. Yes I took them up and down all day. It was to pretty, or quickly, going up but I made it. So did I make it today? You tell me. What was my day like?
Monday, July 9, 2012
7-9-12
So today I set up my new group. It's called 90 day challenge, but it may go past that. It's just a place to start. For those of you that has not had a chance to check it out look for it from my FB page or drop me a line and I can hook you up.
I am really looking forward to seeing where this will go. I know, from personal experience, that it's not easy to be healthy, lose weight. But I have also been told the more strands there are on a rope the stronger the hold. Let's do this guys.
Ok so some days I may post here or just a few short lines on my challenge page. I do want to encourage EVERYone that wants to do this to keep a journal. Not saying you have to post every thing on here but I am going to be doing so in the effort to keep ME on track. I would like to say that I am doing this to motivate others, and that is a goal, but I am also being selfish in some ways. I need your help. I need someone that is going to "keep me in place" on this journey. I am in a slump that I need to get out of and fast. I have worked to hard this past year and half to lose 92 lbs I really don't want to find them again. Funny how it's easier to find them than to lose them but if I am looking for my car keys no so much. What's up with that. To bad I can't hang it on the ring by the door like I do my car keys lol :D
Ok so today was not a good day for me. And for those that are just joining me you can read over past blogs as to why. In short the past year has been really hard at times. Lost several people that I held dear to me. One year ago 4th of July had that first call saying my mom was at the hospital. It was a roller coaster ride that I don't ever want anyone to go on. The next two months pushed and pulled me all over the place. My mom went from me taking her to Wal-Mart end of July to being gone by Sept 1. This past week mom has been on my mind ... a lot!! Apparently I'm not the only one because my daughter said it too. My niece said my g'neph was talking about her just this week too. Don't know why, it was any special occasions that I can think of from this time of the year.
So I have before that I am really not emotional eater. This week I have been. On top of missing my mom I am feeling the empty nest. Being a single mom doesn't help any. My kids still "live" at home but I use that term lightly. My son who is in college, on summer break, is gone to his friends house a lot. We play tag at the door. My daughter, is with her b/f. I am happy for them that they have their lives. I am proud of them but they are just not here. So from missing my mom and missing them I get in a slump.
As I have said before I deal with depression. This can cause a problem with anyones' weight ... gain or loss. Don't get me wrong I am not using this as an excuse to just lay around and do nothing, but it does cause trouble. It's something that I fight all the time and this week has been getting the best of me. Probably more like this past month slowly. I am not one to promote the use of drugs but if you can have a better life from depression by doing so talk to your Dr. It can make a world of difference.
So today, after reading a post from my new friend Brandi I decided to up the challenges I have been doing. I will still continue to come up with challenges from time to time and feel free to do so as well. Anything to keep your, me, on our toes. I have challenged to park away from your destination and walk the extra steps. Take the stairs and stay away from the elevator. Drink water, water, water.
Today I told Brandi that I would do this and I am going to. I know that if I commit to report my daily actions (good or bad) I am more apt to do what is best for me. I am competitive and don't like to fail when I am challenged. So here goes for the day.
I work up early with the desire to hit the gym before work (did I mention that was at 4AM) but it didn't happen. A few months ago I was hitting the gym by am four to fives times a week. My shift changed changed me. I am not happy with myself but I will get it back on track. I got in the down mood an could not shake it. For that matter I really haven't do so yet but I am trying to be positive. I left work early thinking I would come home and get my gym bag and go workout. Nope, it didn't happen. Ok I will get in a better mood and go for a walk later. Not gonna happen. ... probably not gonna happen. See why I need someone to kick my hiney?
Before work I had oatmeal. Not a bad choice even though I have to have my butter on it. Thing in today was one of my friends birthday and I was in charge of getting the cake. I know it doesn't mean I have to eat it, but I did. Only a small piece ... the first time. Usually on my early break I get some eggs or "something healthy" but today it was cake ... C.A.K.E. Cake. :/
Lunch I did better. Grilled chicken with steamed veggies. Till I got back to my desk and the cake was calling me. So I partook one more time. I'm sure at that point I hit my calorie range for the day but that was not the end. When I stopped to pick up meds I found myself by the deli. I grabbed a few chicken tenders, fried chicken tenders. I didn't eat it all but I did eat it. After I got home got upset even more than no one had done the kitchen. My son's reaction to be asking him to do so didn't get me there either. I reached for Roman noodles and stopped myself. I wanted something that I would not have to clean the kitchen to make. What did I have? Oatmeal!! Not what I was really looking for but when ya think about what I had planned to make was probably better for me. I was going to make spaghetti casserole and garlic bread. Sounds yummy, but oh so many bad carbs.
I guess all in all the day wasn't a total lost but it could have been better. So tomorrow I am going to start over ... AGAIN ... and keep going. Thanks for all the support and if I can return it some way let me know
I am really looking forward to seeing where this will go. I know, from personal experience, that it's not easy to be healthy, lose weight. But I have also been told the more strands there are on a rope the stronger the hold. Let's do this guys.
Ok so some days I may post here or just a few short lines on my challenge page. I do want to encourage EVERYone that wants to do this to keep a journal. Not saying you have to post every thing on here but I am going to be doing so in the effort to keep ME on track. I would like to say that I am doing this to motivate others, and that is a goal, but I am also being selfish in some ways. I need your help. I need someone that is going to "keep me in place" on this journey. I am in a slump that I need to get out of and fast. I have worked to hard this past year and half to lose 92 lbs I really don't want to find them again. Funny how it's easier to find them than to lose them but if I am looking for my car keys no so much. What's up with that. To bad I can't hang it on the ring by the door like I do my car keys lol :D
Ok so today was not a good day for me. And for those that are just joining me you can read over past blogs as to why. In short the past year has been really hard at times. Lost several people that I held dear to me. One year ago 4th of July had that first call saying my mom was at the hospital. It was a roller coaster ride that I don't ever want anyone to go on. The next two months pushed and pulled me all over the place. My mom went from me taking her to Wal-Mart end of July to being gone by Sept 1. This past week mom has been on my mind ... a lot!! Apparently I'm not the only one because my daughter said it too. My niece said my g'neph was talking about her just this week too. Don't know why, it was any special occasions that I can think of from this time of the year.
So I have before that I am really not emotional eater. This week I have been. On top of missing my mom I am feeling the empty nest. Being a single mom doesn't help any. My kids still "live" at home but I use that term lightly. My son who is in college, on summer break, is gone to his friends house a lot. We play tag at the door. My daughter, is with her b/f. I am happy for them that they have their lives. I am proud of them but they are just not here. So from missing my mom and missing them I get in a slump.
As I have said before I deal with depression. This can cause a problem with anyones' weight ... gain or loss. Don't get me wrong I am not using this as an excuse to just lay around and do nothing, but it does cause trouble. It's something that I fight all the time and this week has been getting the best of me. Probably more like this past month slowly. I am not one to promote the use of drugs but if you can have a better life from depression by doing so talk to your Dr. It can make a world of difference.
So today, after reading a post from my new friend Brandi I decided to up the challenges I have been doing. I will still continue to come up with challenges from time to time and feel free to do so as well. Anything to keep your, me, on our toes. I have challenged to park away from your destination and walk the extra steps. Take the stairs and stay away from the elevator. Drink water, water, water.
Today I told Brandi that I would do this and I am going to. I know that if I commit to report my daily actions (good or bad) I am more apt to do what is best for me. I am competitive and don't like to fail when I am challenged. So here goes for the day.
I work up early with the desire to hit the gym before work (did I mention that was at 4AM) but it didn't happen. A few months ago I was hitting the gym by am four to fives times a week. My shift changed changed me. I am not happy with myself but I will get it back on track. I got in the down mood an could not shake it. For that matter I really haven't do so yet but I am trying to be positive. I left work early thinking I would come home and get my gym bag and go workout. Nope, it didn't happen. Ok I will get in a better mood and go for a walk later. Not gonna happen. ... probably not gonna happen. See why I need someone to kick my hiney?
Before work I had oatmeal. Not a bad choice even though I have to have my butter on it. Thing in today was one of my friends birthday and I was in charge of getting the cake. I know it doesn't mean I have to eat it, but I did. Only a small piece ... the first time. Usually on my early break I get some eggs or "something healthy" but today it was cake ... C.A.K.E. Cake. :/
Lunch I did better. Grilled chicken with steamed veggies. Till I got back to my desk and the cake was calling me. So I partook one more time. I'm sure at that point I hit my calorie range for the day but that was not the end. When I stopped to pick up meds I found myself by the deli. I grabbed a few chicken tenders, fried chicken tenders. I didn't eat it all but I did eat it. After I got home got upset even more than no one had done the kitchen. My son's reaction to be asking him to do so didn't get me there either. I reached for Roman noodles and stopped myself. I wanted something that I would not have to clean the kitchen to make. What did I have? Oatmeal!! Not what I was really looking for but when ya think about what I had planned to make was probably better for me. I was going to make spaghetti casserole and garlic bread. Sounds yummy, but oh so many bad carbs.
I guess all in all the day wasn't a total lost but it could have been better. So tomorrow I am going to start over ... AGAIN ... and keep going. Thanks for all the support and if I can return it some way let me know
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I love my trainer, I love my trainer, I love my trainer, my body hates him and possibly be too, but I love my trainer. An he thinks this msg is funny. I know because he laughed when I told text this to him today.
Yesterday was my second real workout. I really didn't want to go but I NEEDED it. Not just because I needed the workout but it was a BAD day. I was frustrated and really wanted to hit something, anything. So I in one of my text yesterday I had let him know this. He was ready for me.
When I got there we had a talk an then it was time to hit it. We did a small amount on weight with my arms then come the squats. Squats? SQUATS? eeeeyiyiyyi. Not one type ... not two ... but THREE different types. Not one set but two ... TWO? come one ... so the first one I do have to say I surprised myself. A year ago there is no way I would have, could have done them. I went lower than I realized I could on all 15 reps on all three of the first sets. A year ago I had a hard time getting off the couch (not just cuz I didn't want to) and here I am doing this. Today I can't believe I did it, and my body hates me ... for now ... but in time it will thank me.
Today I only took the elevator on the initial way up. I was REALLY not wanting to take the stairs but I did it. I was slower than I would like to be going. It hurt like crazy an it hurt like crazy but I did it. I wasn't going to stop. Not now, I came to far to give in. I have to work thru the pain. I got this ... I can do it ... I can.
So tonight I want/didn't/wanted/didn't want to go for a walk .. ok well you get the idea. I tried to talk myself out of it but in stead I posted asking who wanted to go for a walk. Usually no one answers and if they do it's an excuse not to go. Of course tonight someone actually took me up on it. Long story short we talk 1.5 miles. Funny thing is that I didn't realize we had walked that far. Two years ago when I was walking that same track I had to stop about every half round or so. Tonight I didn't stop till the middle of the 4th lap. I impressed myself on that one.
So I came home iced my legs but they are still not happy with me ... but they will be when I get this next 100 lbs off an they don't have to work so hard on a daily basis. I am doing this, who's gonna join me :D
Yesterday was my second real workout. I really didn't want to go but I NEEDED it. Not just because I needed the workout but it was a BAD day. I was frustrated and really wanted to hit something, anything. So I in one of my text yesterday I had let him know this. He was ready for me.
When I got there we had a talk an then it was time to hit it. We did a small amount on weight with my arms then come the squats. Squats? SQUATS? eeeeyiyiyyi. Not one type ... not two ... but THREE different types. Not one set but two ... TWO? come one ... so the first one I do have to say I surprised myself. A year ago there is no way I would have, could have done them. I went lower than I realized I could on all 15 reps on all three of the first sets. A year ago I had a hard time getting off the couch (not just cuz I didn't want to) and here I am doing this. Today I can't believe I did it, and my body hates me ... for now ... but in time it will thank me.
Today I only took the elevator on the initial way up. I was REALLY not wanting to take the stairs but I did it. I was slower than I would like to be going. It hurt like crazy an it hurt like crazy but I did it. I wasn't going to stop. Not now, I came to far to give in. I have to work thru the pain. I got this ... I can do it ... I can.
So tonight I want/didn't/wanted/didn't want to go for a walk .. ok well you get the idea. I tried to talk myself out of it but in stead I posted asking who wanted to go for a walk. Usually no one answers and if they do it's an excuse not to go. Of course tonight someone actually took me up on it. Long story short we talk 1.5 miles. Funny thing is that I didn't realize we had walked that far. Two years ago when I was walking that same track I had to stop about every half round or so. Tonight I didn't stop till the middle of the 4th lap. I impressed myself on that one.
So I came home iced my legs but they are still not happy with me ... but they will be when I get this next 100 lbs off an they don't have to work so hard on a daily basis. I am doing this, who's gonna join me :D
Sunday, July 1, 2012
7-1-12
This weekend has not been what I wanted for this myself on this journey. The only positive thing I can say I did for it was I did go to the gym yesterday morning. I was only there for 30 min and I tell myself that it's better than nothing, but I needed to do more.
I have been telling myself for the past month I was doing ok. I realize more an more the past few days I am NOT doing ok. Yesterday when I finally hit the scales they hit back. As much as I would like to say it's no biggie, I had to make myself see what I was doing. I have put back on 10 lbs. This in itself is not getting me down. I really am ok with it, in the sense I am not giving up on my journey. I feel better and can do more things that I was able to a year ago. I have come a long way, but I am not done yet.
My failure part of this weekend is not that I only spent 30 min in the gym. It is I had a lapse in my eating. I am not really a emotional eater, but seems this weekend I have been. I have gotten my eyes on something else other than my journey. They are on me, but a side of me that I don't like and I need to refocus.
My kids are getting older and I am feeling the empty nest junk I guess. I have spent the past 10 years, on my own more or less, raising my kids. I have NO regrets in this. I love my kids and I will continue to be there for them as they need me. But lets face it, the older you get the less you NEED you mom. They have their friends and I am happy for them. They are learning to do what makes them happy, it's part of life. I just realize I am feeling alone these days. So even more important that I keep focused on my journey. I need to be there for ME. I know it sounds selfish to some but it's not. For me to ever be all I want to be, for me to be ALL God made me to be I have to be a lil selfish at this time in my life. I need to stay focused on getting healthy so that I can live the life that has been laid out for me.
I have not had a spell of emotional eating in a LONG time and I feel miserable from it this weekend. My plans when I went to the grocery store yesterday was to get healthy foods for me. I did this but I also got things I knew the kids would eat. The problem with that is that I ate some other their stuff too. Not only did I eat their stuff, but I really wasn't hungry when I did it. I realize I did it to distract myself from the fact that I was sitting home alone. Instead of getting out an going for a walk I sat here feeling sorry for myself. NO MORE. It's not an excuse it's just what I did.
Tomorrow starts a new day. I can not do anything about what I have done this weekend but I can make a new start in the morning. That's the great thing about life. Every day you get a new chance to get it right. When the sun comes up in the morning my future will be brighter, even if I take each step alone. I would love to have that person to walk with me and encourage me and keep me accountable, but if I don't I will do my best to keep myself accountable ... for ME!! for a healthier life.
I have been telling myself for the past month I was doing ok. I realize more an more the past few days I am NOT doing ok. Yesterday when I finally hit the scales they hit back. As much as I would like to say it's no biggie, I had to make myself see what I was doing. I have put back on 10 lbs. This in itself is not getting me down. I really am ok with it, in the sense I am not giving up on my journey. I feel better and can do more things that I was able to a year ago. I have come a long way, but I am not done yet.
My failure part of this weekend is not that I only spent 30 min in the gym. It is I had a lapse in my eating. I am not really a emotional eater, but seems this weekend I have been. I have gotten my eyes on something else other than my journey. They are on me, but a side of me that I don't like and I need to refocus.
My kids are getting older and I am feeling the empty nest junk I guess. I have spent the past 10 years, on my own more or less, raising my kids. I have NO regrets in this. I love my kids and I will continue to be there for them as they need me. But lets face it, the older you get the less you NEED you mom. They have their friends and I am happy for them. They are learning to do what makes them happy, it's part of life. I just realize I am feeling alone these days. So even more important that I keep focused on my journey. I need to be there for ME. I know it sounds selfish to some but it's not. For me to ever be all I want to be, for me to be ALL God made me to be I have to be a lil selfish at this time in my life. I need to stay focused on getting healthy so that I can live the life that has been laid out for me.
I have not had a spell of emotional eating in a LONG time and I feel miserable from it this weekend. My plans when I went to the grocery store yesterday was to get healthy foods for me. I did this but I also got things I knew the kids would eat. The problem with that is that I ate some other their stuff too. Not only did I eat their stuff, but I really wasn't hungry when I did it. I realize I did it to distract myself from the fact that I was sitting home alone. Instead of getting out an going for a walk I sat here feeling sorry for myself. NO MORE. It's not an excuse it's just what I did.
Tomorrow starts a new day. I can not do anything about what I have done this weekend but I can make a new start in the morning. That's the great thing about life. Every day you get a new chance to get it right. When the sun comes up in the morning my future will be brighter, even if I take each step alone. I would love to have that person to walk with me and encourage me and keep me accountable, but if I don't I will do my best to keep myself accountable ... for ME!! for a healthier life.
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