8-27-13 31 of 100

So it's been a while since I last posted anything.  I am looking at this 100 count and it's looking slim that I will reach it but who knows, maybe one day I'll go crazy for a few weeks an actually post everyday ... eehh don't wait for it lol

I have been doing good but not feeling good.  It's kinda crazy really.  I have gotten at least my swim 4-5 days a week.  Maybe it's the idea that I am not working on my 5k pace that is getting me a lil bit right now.  I did today but more about that in a minute.  

What is getting me??
  Is it that I am not keeping with the foods ( even though most days I keep in my calorie range) that I feel are best for me?
Is it because I am not getting in the workouts that I want to?
Is it the meds I'm on?
Is it the changes that are going on in my life?

Maybe it's a lil bit of all of these things.  It's not like I am sitting around beating myself up.  Not that at all.  I am starting with my last question.  I am at a point in my life where change can feel like a 4 letter word.  I know change is part of life.  I know God has me where he wants me to be.  I am not fighting it.  I just don't like all of it.
I am super happy for my kids but as all kids do, of most kids, they do grow up and move out and do their own thing.  This is where both of mine are now.  Two weeks ago my son moved 45min away to be with my future daughter in law.  I love that they are happy but I do miss him.
My daughter and I do spend some time together.  We had talked about us going to the gym 2-3 days a week when I get off work.  Sometimes this doesn't happen cuz she has a problem with her knee.   Most of her free time is spent with my future son in law.  Again I am really happy for them.  He makes her really happy and takes good care of her.  I couldn't ask for a better guy.  But again I do miss my babies.  Yes they will always be my babies. :D
So with the free time on my hands I have made the choice of make it "me" time.  This has some people upset with me.  It's not that I try to exclude anyone from my life I have told them where I will be and have told them they are welcome to come along.  I am just going to "them" all the time like I have with my friends in the past.  The ones that really know how important this is to me and love me understand this.  The rest ... well I'm leaving it at that.  I hope they come around but if not I will miss them.

So what am I eating here lately?  I eat what I want.  I don't overeat what I want but I do eat.  If I feel like having some cake I have a healthy choice of that.  I made a cobbler type treat Sunday and it was goooooood.  Unsweetened frozen fruit/ dry box cake mix/and diet 7up.  Toooo simple to make and a much better choice.  
I had tried to stay away from whites an sugars but seems I am not doing the best at this.  I have kept under 2,000 calories (most days) but skipping here to have something sweet there isn't really the best choice.  Some days it's just the depression and I graze all day.  It's possible those days I do go over my calories.  Even if I do eat the right foods on those days and never huge amounts at any time, it's not a healthy way to do it.  
The past few weeks no matter what my eating habit is I feel STUFFED.  I know part of it comes from the meds I am on.  I had to change pharmacies and this is part of the problem.  I have on of my meds that, as the last place told me, has two generics they can give me.  One of these causes me to hold water.  Thing about it it is suppose to do just the opposite.  I told the new guys about this and he seemed to think I was crazy.  He told me there was only one kind.  So I stopped taking it over the weekend and don't feel that really bloated feeling like I was.  I will have to talk to my Dr about getting on a different kind for this.   No I am not telling you what's for cuz you will fuss at me :D

This morning I had a REAL struggle at the gym.  I think my heart was in it.  I had no problem getting up an getting there.  I just feel soooo out of place.  No out of sync.   I did get in my hour swim but it was such a struggle.  It took EVERY ounce of the Voice telling me to keep going.  I felt like I fish flopping on the bank struggling for air.  I could not get a rhythm going.  I kept stopping to catch my breath.  I have not done that since I first started two years ago.  I managed to get my .75 mile in and call it quits.  Even getting ready for work after that was a chore.  I don't know what it was from.  I feel like I weight a ton.  I feel almost like I did when I weighed over 400 lbs.  Thing is I don't weigh that much any more.  Why am I feeling this way.  It's driving me nuts!!!

I did make it back to the gym for the treadmill time.  I am really wanting to get a 4 day a week swim and 2\3 days in the evening.  I am not beating myself up in I only make one or the other but I really want to get this in.   

I think I need to get more core strength going again.  I guess that is part of the problem too.  I am doing plenty of cardio but not enough of other stuff.  I am not gaining but I feel like I am.  I feel like I am losing muscle.  Does that make sense?  I am sure it's possible.  

11 days till the Color Run 5k and I am trying not to talk myself outta it.  I want to go but the way my body feels there is part of me saying I better not go.  On top of that I was asked to do an out of town wedding that day.  I am playing in my mind how I can do both but part of my keeps thinking it may not be possible.  I need the money so saying no to the wedding photos isn't what I want to do.  At the same time it's not set in stone till I see the money.   So it's possible that day I will do a 5k (hopefully getting in one of the first waves that goes out) and then home to shower and drive two hours for the wedding.  Somehow the thought of it is almost overwhelming.  I know God knows what is best so if He opens the door for this I am trusting He will give me the strength.  He knows Im to stubborn to say no to one of the other.

So yea a lot going on but I keep plugging on.  It's getting late so I need to get some rest.  4am comes early for this old lady :D
Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.  

ps I have not reread this so work with it :D

8-16-13 30 of 100

No people I am not mad at you when I take time for the gym.  You are more than welcome to join me. 

 I am not avoiding you if I don't call you.  You have my number and can call me if you are concerned or care enough to find out what is going on in my world. 

 I have spent my life for the most part thinking about and doing for others.  I have no regrets but it's my time.  I have to think about me so that I can be what God put me here to be.  I do not feel that is being selfish and if you have a problem with those thoughts you again are more than welcome to talk to me about it.

This week has been a pretty good week.  I have kept in a gym routine and within reason I have had pretty good eating habits. (not counting the day of  my 10 yr anniversary dinner lol)  Three days this week made it to a swim before work.  Right now I should be leaving for the gym but we are getting a much needed rain and they will not let me in the pool :( 

 I am ok with this I did get my 2nd workout in yesterday.  I am kinda feeling it too.  I have not walked that much since the 5k and really need to.  I did keep a pretty good pace but I want to work on getting a lil faster.  The next 5k is just three weeks away and I want to finish in under an hour this time.  I think I can do it :D

Oh me oh my I let my thoughts wonder ... why oh why do I do that.  Oh yeah my swimming goal.  I was calculating and if I go 4 times a week and keep at least .75 mi each day I will stay on track for my 100 goal.  It's the one goal I am sticking pretty close to.  I got behind but I am catching up slowly.  I WILL do this.  

Well I had my lil rant and I have done a catch up on my week.  I still have 3 hrs before I have to be at work.  Shall I go back to sleep or get in a home work out?  I'm not telling lol

Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.  I'm gonna do it this time. 

8-11-13 29 of 100

Well I'm not seeing the victory on the scales.  I feel good but defeated at the same time.  I have gotten up every morning but Monday this week and made it to the gym for a swim. My eating habits are not off the charts but not spot on healthy either.  Anyone that follows me on  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/genieb100 will see that.  When I take the time to write it all down I log the good, the bad and the ugly.  Some days "I'll do it later" just doesn't happen good or bad.

God's word tells us to take captive all our thoughts.  This is where my problem is this week.  Well many times for that matter.  I sometimes set my goals higher than I should I guess.  Even when I don't if they are reasonable goals and I miss the mark, but tried my best, I hear "the thoughts".  

My goals this weeks, and for weeks to come, are two simple ones.  Get control of healthy food choices and hit the gym twice a day.  Some think "ok food choices easier than the gym one".  This is not true for me and just the opposite as to what I did at the start of my journey.  Getting up and getting to the gym has become something like .. well going to work.  I know it's needed.  I don't always want to.  But when I am done with it I can look back and say "ya did good".

Food choices? Now that is a bit different.  When I started this journey two years ago cutting out whites and sugars and watching my portions size was a bit easier than it is now.  Why? Why was it easier then and not feel like so much a habit now?  No really tell me why?  I only have excuses. 

So here's where the defeated feeling comes in.  I want to go to the gym twice a day.  I want to keep up with my swim goal for the year.  I still have 47 miles to hit that 100 mark.  This has been pretty easy for me right now.  I swim at least 3/4 a mile each day.  If I go even only 4 times a week for that distance I will hit 60 more miles by the end of the year.  That would pass my goal.

My second part of the gym trip is the treadmill.   This is where I am kicking myself.  I want to work on my pace for upcoming 5ks.

As you know I did my 1st 5k last weekend and loved it.  I know I can't believe I say that.  It was a blast.  Well not the whole thing.  There were times I wanted to stop but did so only for maybe 30-60 seconds.  The last half mile (not knowing how close I was cuz of no markers) I didn't think I could make it.

 A lady come by me and I jokingly asked her to carry me the rest of the way.  Yes I did lol.   We started talking a bit and before I knew it we were done.  I didn't realize just how close I was.  We turned the corner to see the finish line (my daughter ran ahead to cross it) and I felt that smile that come deep from within that you can't stop.
  I said lets run, to the lady that I had been chatting with since she wouldn't carry  me, knowing this isn't going to happen lol.  I, for what crazy reason, handed my phone to a total stranger and got the to take my pic of my coming across the line.  

I got so caught up in the moment of making it there I wasn't thinking of anything else.  Apparently since I handed my phone to a total stranger. 

 I don't know who she was.  I never got her name.  I don't know that I will ever see her again but I am so glad she came along when she did.  Talking to her made me forget where I was, more or less, and I made it across that line.  

So my 2nd workout comes back to the 5k because I am hooked.  It's crazy but I want to do more.  This one started in memory of my "hero" Garvin but I am ready to keep going.

I already have signed up for the Color Run on 9-7.  Anyone that is in town come join me or at least cheer me on along the way.  Yeah you can take pix too :D  

This week my plan for a 2nd workout just didn't happen.  I used the excuse I was sore on Monday and I didn't want to push to hard.  Oh wait I used that excuse that morning too lol

Tue I actually had my stuff in the car for the 2nd workout but I didn't make it.  Why?  I don't remember what excuse I used that day.  I have plenty of them, even if some are good reasons not to go.  I had been working on a pace to make the 5k and I want to get back on the treadmill with that.  It's not a hard goal it's just one that I have do it.

These goals I have set are not that hard.  The eating part I just have grab hold of it.  Some days I tell myself I have done without to many times and need to just dive in and eat what I want.  Oh wait THAT'S HOW I GOT THIS WAY!!  Satan you are a liar and I don't NEED that stuff.   Funny thing in the back of my head somewhere, when I am looking at food choices, I hear that voice talking to me about what I should eat.  I wish I listened to it more.  Some day I just blow it outta the water.  I guess I need to add a 3rd goal.  Keep captive my thoughts. 

I need to push away the thoughts that are not going to get me where I need to be.  I need to do this with every part of my life.  Spiritually, physically and financially.  It's a package deal.  I know that when I trust in the Power that gives me life I can do it. 

sooo  Who's with me?  Are you going to just stand back and cheer me or will you join me?  Let's do this guys.  I need all the help I can.

So yeah ... Say a prayer and lets do it.

8-3-13 28 of 100

This has been a good week.  Monday no gym but I did go grocery shopping does that count as a workout?  lol

Tue/Wed and Thurs was in the pool by 5:30 am and got in at least .75-1 mi each day.  I am closing in on getting caught up on the goal I need to be at to get back on track for my 100 miles for the year.  Each evening after work I went back to the gym for a second workout.  At least 30-60 min on treadmill.  I was working on a pace to get me thru my first 5k.  Which I JUST finished!!!

The first mile went pretty easy, like it does on the treadmill.  About the half way point I starting to slow down my pace a lil but was determined to keep going.  

I am pretty sure Afton an I may die from pain tonight but we did it!! We are already planning our next one.  Sept at home for the Color Run.  I will be spending more time at the gym and working more on the pace time on the treadmill.  

During the week food chart was pretty good.  Kept in my calorie range and did manage to get off 8 of the yo-yo lbs.  The weekend is off the chart but with all the walking I think it will even itself out.  BIG sinnamon roll for break fast.  Greasy burger and fries for lunch.  Did I mention they took me to their favorite aahh "candy" store?  I did pretty good with my choices there.  I got sesame sticks.  Not tooo healthy but good choice of fiber lol.  Oh but Afton did pick out some JellyBelly ... I love jelly beans lol.  

Before the 5k we did eat pizza.  It was only one slice.  Ok Ok  it was a BIG slice, about the size of two normal ones.  Thin crust with lots of veggies an meats lol.  I am pretty sure that I walked it off.
Well it's late and I need some rest.  Sleep in and head home tomorrow.  I will take it easy so that I can hit it early Monday at the gym.  I still have a lot of work to get done.

Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.