Ok it's been almost a month since I wrote anything here and missed it again. I'm not saying I "messed up" cuz I don't like that term. Things in life got in my way and I hit a wall and I am doing my best to get back on track AGAIN.
I know that I have mentioned this in the past, at least briefly, but this ugly area of my life popped up again. As much as I have tried to fight against this I hit a wall. Depression. It's not fun. It's not always something that a person can control. It can take you away from life. It is NOT something to be ashamed of, but I understand how you can feel that way. If this is something that you deal with I highly suggest that you seek help for it. It can be a mean thing to your life. I do take meds and see a counselor for it.
Even as I sit an write these words there is a part of me that feel shame. I know it's not something that is a valid feeling. I hear the words " don't write that it's not going to encourage anyone" in my head. (no I'm not hear "voices") but I have to get it out. If I get it out maybe I can move on again.
I have tried to keep my head up and tried to keep on track with my journey. I started out the month really well, I kept on track with my squats challenge. I challenged myself to show others that I could do this. I guess in my mind I felt like I had to put myself out there for others. I had to keep myself going to show others "if this fat lady could do it anyone could". In some ways it did keep me going but after time it ate at me. I felt like if I didn't keep going I would be letting people down. I don't know why I put this kind of pressure on myself but I did. Anyone else feel like this?
I have had blow after blow this month and I feel drained. My biggest goal this part few weeks? To make myself get outta bed and get dressed as if I had some place to go, even if I didn't. A few weeks ago when I "hit the wall" I didn't leave the house for almost a week. I had my kids run things for me, more or less. Then I tried to make myself, after dressing for no reason, to at least leave the house even if it was just to go to the corner store for a bottle of water or something.
Today I wake up and my heart feels heavy. I feel like I want to cry but I am so tired of crying all the time. I want to get out an workout, cuz I know it would make me feel better but I can't seem to get motivated. I could make a list of the things that are getting to me but it would do no good. They are going to still be there and I have to learn how to deal with them. I am going to get back on track, it's just taking me some time to get to the tracks.
I wish I could say that I am doing on ok with my eating choices but I can't. For the first time that I can remember, and maybe just cuz I am more aware of it now, that I am being an emotional eater. I can't get myself outta the funk and I let myself "get bored" and the food is there so I eat. I wish I could make myself get out an walk. I guess I need to have someone MAKE me get out each day. I tell myself that since I am getting up and at least going out of the house I am doing ok, but I want more. I believe that I can do this and I will get back today is just start out not so good. So say an prayer an cheer me on.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Tue 12-4-12
Ok so in some ways I had a pretty rough weekend. Yesterday worked a 12hr day. Today ... well here I am.
I am doing pretty ok with things all in all. Even with the personal junk that was going on with me over the weekend I didn't go out an over draw my food bank. If anything I may have done some damage by not eating enough. Oh an not sleeping well.
I have kept up some form of exercise every day, at least walking ... aahhmm pretty much every day ? lol Ok so today I didn't walk. And Saturday I didn't really go for walk but I did house cleaning and I did walk around Wal-Mart for at least 30 minutes Saturday night. that's gotta count for something :D
Sunday .. ahhmm nope nuttin there. Church, lunch and then came home to watch football.
Yesterday I did get my 30+ minutes of walking in a work. Today lunch held a run to Sams which cut into my walk time. However on Saturday I did start the Holiday Squat-a-thon!!
So far I am still on track. I can't say that it's my favorite thing to do. The first day I'm thinking " I got this, no biggie". The 2nd ok it's a lil more burn that I wanted but I need, I can do this. This morning I decided I was going to do this before work .. at FIVE AM!! The first 20 not so bad, but the last 5 I wanted to cry. Did I give up? nope, nada, never. I may have been in a crazy goofy mood when I said I would do this challenge but I will not give up ... but I am looking forward to days 10 and 27 I think they are going to be my favorite lol
So its been a month now since I kicked the caffeine and I feel good about it. I don't have the withdraws like you would think. I am not super tired all day. The biggest thing for me is remember to check for caffeine. oopss I can't say I am totally without caffeine. I was baking cakes and my son requested chocolate. Of course you know I had to have some ():D But as for drinking it like I use toooooo at least 1-2 Monsters a day ... it's been a MONTH!! yea me!!
I have managed to get more fiber foods in than I had been in prior months. It's really done my body good, even though I still feel a bit sluggish at times, nope not a caffeine withdraw kind of sluggish, I am starting to feel better over all.
Now I want to try and get ride of carbs. (my guilty please) This is going to be the real challenge and I am putting it off till Jan. Not because I can't do it, but hey ... it's the holiday season. I don't want to set myself up for failure. I am monitoring my food and not overdoing anything. With the increase in fibers it helps to not want the sugary foods too. I want to keep this up for the month and hit it hard in Jan.
So stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on ... or join me too :D
I am doing pretty ok with things all in all. Even with the personal junk that was going on with me over the weekend I didn't go out an over draw my food bank. If anything I may have done some damage by not eating enough. Oh an not sleeping well.
I have kept up some form of exercise every day, at least walking ... aahhmm pretty much every day ? lol Ok so today I didn't walk. And Saturday I didn't really go for walk but I did house cleaning and I did walk around Wal-Mart for at least 30 minutes Saturday night. that's gotta count for something :D
Sunday .. ahhmm nope nuttin there. Church, lunch and then came home to watch football.
Yesterday I did get my 30+ minutes of walking in a work. Today lunch held a run to Sams which cut into my walk time. However on Saturday I did start the Holiday Squat-a-thon!!
So far I am still on track. I can't say that it's my favorite thing to do. The first day I'm thinking " I got this, no biggie". The 2nd ok it's a lil more burn that I wanted but I need, I can do this. This morning I decided I was going to do this before work .. at FIVE AM!! The first 20 not so bad, but the last 5 I wanted to cry. Did I give up? nope, nada, never. I may have been in a crazy goofy mood when I said I would do this challenge but I will not give up ... but I am looking forward to days 10 and 27 I think they are going to be my favorite lol
So its been a month now since I kicked the caffeine and I feel good about it. I don't have the withdraws like you would think. I am not super tired all day. The biggest thing for me is remember to check for caffeine. oopss I can't say I am totally without caffeine. I was baking cakes and my son requested chocolate. Of course you know I had to have some ():D But as for drinking it like I use toooooo at least 1-2 Monsters a day ... it's been a MONTH!! yea me!!
I have managed to get more fiber foods in than I had been in prior months. It's really done my body good, even though I still feel a bit sluggish at times, nope not a caffeine withdraw kind of sluggish, I am starting to feel better over all.
Now I want to try and get ride of carbs. (my guilty please) This is going to be the real challenge and I am putting it off till Jan. Not because I can't do it, but hey ... it's the holiday season. I don't want to set myself up for failure. I am monitoring my food and not overdoing anything. With the increase in fibers it helps to not want the sugary foods too. I want to keep this up for the month and hit it hard in Jan.
So stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on ... or join me too :D
Friday, November 30, 2012
Friday 11-30-12 (actually now Sat morning)
Today? I don't know if I feel good about it or not. In the back of my mind I was telling myself I was having a blow off day. I don't know. I think I am having a pity party and no one showed up.
I started off well, over all eating wise I didn't blow it too bad ... eggs for breakfast ... morning break had a bacon an eggs sandwich. No "lunch" today, payday and I needed to do my bank run.
The afternoon held our team meeting. I had baked a cake. A simply delicious, moist, mouthing watering cake. No I only had a small piece of it. At the same time someone had some 7 layer dip and it was great on Triscuits :D I had seconds of that :D :D. Someone had the nerve to bring my very favorite, store bought, cookies so I had two .. ahhm three. I did have some of Amandas coconut bars, but I'm pretty sure there may have been something healthy in them somewhere ():D I had to try more than one to see if this theory was correct. I didn't stuff myself but I did eat what I wanted.
The evening was where my troubles came in. The cake I took to work? It had a twin at home, well sort of. The one I took to work was lemon and the one at home, by my sons request, was chocolate. No no it wasn't that bad, I did have about 4-5 bites of it when I got home.
At this time I was a lil emotional eating I think. I come home to an empty house and I hadn't eaten since the team meeting at 2. I had a friend ask if I wanted to stop by to visit when they went out to eat. Carl's Jr doesn't have the most healthy options so I just had water and talked. I kinda wished I hadn't done that.
Anyway, the emotional part? Oh yeah I was home alone ... again. I don't think this empty nest thing is all that great right now. I am happy for my kids but I miss being the one they come to also. Today my daughter was talking about the car she wants to buy. The one that her boyfriend found for her. The one that he and HIS dad test drove. The one that THEY are going to look at in the morning. The one that will be on HIS insurance. I guess I am feeling left out. She has never even asked if I wanted to be involved in any of this. I don't have the heart to say it to her. (no she don't read my stuff so don't bring it to her attention) I had been the one my son went to when he was looking at buying his first car and I looked forward to that with her too. This will be the first "first" that I feel like I am no part of that I will be no part of. As happy as I am for her I feel bad too. Is that wrong? I don't know ... you tell me.
So my pity party almost had be crying over a chocolate cake. I think I did pretty well, I honestly only had about 4-5 small bites an walked away. I tried working on photos tonight, but that is another story.
So I didn't count calories. I really didn't think about counting them, well not that I was going to anyway. I didn't get my 30 minute walk in today, first time all week. Nope it was a total blow off day. Tomorrow I will give it another try. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on. I need all the help I can get.
I started off well, over all eating wise I didn't blow it too bad ... eggs for breakfast ... morning break had a bacon an eggs sandwich. No "lunch" today, payday and I needed to do my bank run.
The afternoon held our team meeting. I had baked a cake. A simply delicious, moist, mouthing watering cake. No I only had a small piece of it. At the same time someone had some 7 layer dip and it was great on Triscuits :D I had seconds of that :D :D. Someone had the nerve to bring my very favorite, store bought, cookies so I had two .. ahhm three. I did have some of Amandas coconut bars, but I'm pretty sure there may have been something healthy in them somewhere ():D I had to try more than one to see if this theory was correct. I didn't stuff myself but I did eat what I wanted.
The evening was where my troubles came in. The cake I took to work? It had a twin at home, well sort of. The one I took to work was lemon and the one at home, by my sons request, was chocolate. No no it wasn't that bad, I did have about 4-5 bites of it when I got home.
At this time I was a lil emotional eating I think. I come home to an empty house and I hadn't eaten since the team meeting at 2. I had a friend ask if I wanted to stop by to visit when they went out to eat. Carl's Jr doesn't have the most healthy options so I just had water and talked. I kinda wished I hadn't done that.
Anyway, the emotional part? Oh yeah I was home alone ... again. I don't think this empty nest thing is all that great right now. I am happy for my kids but I miss being the one they come to also. Today my daughter was talking about the car she wants to buy. The one that her boyfriend found for her. The one that he and HIS dad test drove. The one that THEY are going to look at in the morning. The one that will be on HIS insurance. I guess I am feeling left out. She has never even asked if I wanted to be involved in any of this. I don't have the heart to say it to her. (no she don't read my stuff so don't bring it to her attention) I had been the one my son went to when he was looking at buying his first car and I looked forward to that with her too. This will be the first "first" that I feel like I am no part of that I will be no part of. As happy as I am for her I feel bad too. Is that wrong? I don't know ... you tell me.
So my pity party almost had be crying over a chocolate cake. I think I did pretty well, I honestly only had about 4-5 small bites an walked away. I tried working on photos tonight, but that is another story.
So I didn't count calories. I really didn't think about counting them, well not that I was going to anyway. I didn't get my 30 minute walk in today, first time all week. Nope it was a total blow off day. Tomorrow I will give it another try. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on. I need all the help I can get.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Thurs 11-29-12
Today was pretty good ... just a short an sweet blog tonight. The day started WAY to early. I woke up at 3:30 and could not go back to sleep, cept about 30 min before time to get up for work. Surprisingly enough I didn't get toooo tired, even without caffeine (which by the way I have not had in three weeks now)
With the thought of being up like I had been I was not up to cooking breakfast. I stopped for my wonderful breakfast burrito. Lunch ... aahhh not so great, chicken fried steak, green beans. Dinner was spaghetti with meat sauce. I know we are having a carb thing today.
After dinner I was baking a cake for a team meeting tomorrow. At the same time baked one for everyone at home. Yeah you see where this is going. I did have a small bite or two, yes with icing too :D
I did take a short walk on both my breaks and 30 min on my lunch. So not totally an unproductive day but not all the best choices. At the same time I am pretty sure that if I stopped and did my calorie bank I would be in range. Either way I am still doing better than I was a month ago.
So stand back say a prayer and cheer me on.
nite all
With the thought of being up like I had been I was not up to cooking breakfast. I stopped for my wonderful breakfast burrito. Lunch ... aahhh not so great, chicken fried steak, green beans. Dinner was spaghetti with meat sauce. I know we are having a carb thing today.
After dinner I was baking a cake for a team meeting tomorrow. At the same time baked one for everyone at home. Yeah you see where this is going. I did have a small bite or two, yes with icing too :D
I did take a short walk on both my breaks and 30 min on my lunch. So not totally an unproductive day but not all the best choices. At the same time I am pretty sure that if I stopped and did my calorie bank I would be in range. Either way I am still doing better than I was a month ago.
So stand back say a prayer and cheer me on.
nite all
Thursday morning 11-29
Never got around to this yesterday, last night I tended to some much needed business. Don't know if anything has/will change but it had to be done. I have to find ways to start taking back over my life and things that are eating at me. I know some of it I can't do anything about but a few very important areas I can at least try.
So yesterday, did I make it to the gym? Did I get in any exercise? Did I eat well?
nope, yes , stayed in check :D
On my way to work I stopped off for my wonderful Joey's burrito. (eggs, bacon, potatoes, cheese ...aahh an jalapenos mm mm good) Lunch went for a burger an fries in the cafeteria ... it was the lessor of evil. Probably should have just gotten a salad but that wasn't going to fill me. Dinner I made chili mac, by request of my daughter, and turnip greens. I luvs me some greens :D I definitely stayed in my calorie bank this time.
So no I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. I don't know that I will make it everyday but I want to at least try to go 2-3 days a week before work. I did go walk on my lunch. It was a nice cool, almost cold breeze and I kept up a good pace .. except when my shoe came untied (maybe I was walking to fast lol ) I got my 30 minutes in.
When I came home from work my daughter was telling about all the stuff she had to do for power lifting training. She was sore :( I don't know why but I challenged her to a sit up contest. I only did 20 and realize she was not going to participate with me on this one.
I know I got in more exercise by just doing the lil things each day. Parking at the back of the lot. Taking the stairs, at least going down ankle still shaky with toooo much pressure going up. Taking the long way to where I am going when ever possible. Standing at my desk rather than just sitting all day. It may not seem like a lot broken down but when you do the lil things they add up. I challenge ya. Give it a try. :D
So it's getting a lil better. I am starting to get back on track. I REALLY want to be down 30 lbs by the first of the year. That's only a lb a day. Can I do it? I'm sure gonna try. I know it's a crazy goal for the Christmas month but might as well do it now.
So stand back (or join me) say a prayer an cheer me on. have a super day.
So yesterday, did I make it to the gym? Did I get in any exercise? Did I eat well?
nope, yes , stayed in check :D
On my way to work I stopped off for my wonderful Joey's burrito. (eggs, bacon, potatoes, cheese ...aahh an jalapenos mm mm good) Lunch went for a burger an fries in the cafeteria ... it was the lessor of evil. Probably should have just gotten a salad but that wasn't going to fill me. Dinner I made chili mac, by request of my daughter, and turnip greens. I luvs me some greens :D I definitely stayed in my calorie bank this time.
So no I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. I don't know that I will make it everyday but I want to at least try to go 2-3 days a week before work. I did go walk on my lunch. It was a nice cool, almost cold breeze and I kept up a good pace .. except when my shoe came untied (maybe I was walking to fast lol ) I got my 30 minutes in.
When I came home from work my daughter was telling about all the stuff she had to do for power lifting training. She was sore :( I don't know why but I challenged her to a sit up contest. I only did 20 and realize she was not going to participate with me on this one.
I know I got in more exercise by just doing the lil things each day. Parking at the back of the lot. Taking the stairs, at least going down ankle still shaky with toooo much pressure going up. Taking the long way to where I am going when ever possible. Standing at my desk rather than just sitting all day. It may not seem like a lot broken down but when you do the lil things they add up. I challenge ya. Give it a try. :D
So it's getting a lil better. I am starting to get back on track. I REALLY want to be down 30 lbs by the first of the year. That's only a lb a day. Can I do it? I'm sure gonna try. I know it's a crazy goal for the Christmas month but might as well do it now.
So stand back (or join me) say a prayer an cheer me on. have a super day.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tue 11-27
I would like to say that today was better. I don't know that I can. I did make it to the gym for a lil workout. Only an hour but it was more than I had been getting. Going to try and start going even for a lil while. This means me getting up at 4:30 AM!! again. I had been doing it before when I was working the 9:00 shift. When I moved to the 7:00 shift I talked myself outta this saying that I could not get in the time like I wanted to. This has been a MAJOR downfall for me. As I was swimming today I managed to talk myself thru the idea of a new gym schedule that I CAN do everyday. I have to make myself get up at 4:30 giving me time to be at the gym when it opens at 5. I do at least a 15 min of cardio on the bike then off to the weight room for 15 min. End up in the pool for a 30 min swim. This would still give me time to shower and be at work by 7 on days that I don't trade for a later shift. Well it sounds good in my head anyway lol I want to try and make it to the gym at least 4-5 times a week like I had been doing this time a year ago.
Working into the shift will mean me going to bed at a real hour. If I can get to sleep by 10:30, and stay asleep, I can get a good night sleep and at least a small workout in. This beats no workout .. right??
So if I made it to the gym today why did the day bite? I still just not feelin this stuff called life. I won't bore ya with all the junk I am dealing with. I really don't think I can without breaking down again an crying. I already have a headache from that.
I guess the good thing about this feeling, I know not a great thing, but I just don't feel like eating. I did force myself to eat. I took my a shake with me when I went to the gym. After I left I stopped off at Subway for my eggwhite and ham breakfast.
Since my schedule was crazy today I didn't ever really take a lunch. I did make myself go get a hamburger in the cafeteria on my one break. The schedule was crazy due to a Dr visit I had today. After talking an crying with him for almost an hour I really didn't feel like eating. I did stop to get some water to take back with me and ended up getting one of the hot dogs .. or hot link or something ... it wasn't all bad but I convinced myself to at least eat something at this point. Even with that ... aahm not so good choice ... I'm still within my calorie bank for today.
Yeah in some ways I had a good "healthy" day, just all the other junk getting to me keeping me from feeling. I will see what happens tomorrow.
Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.
oh yeah ... back down 2 more lbs ... at least it's not up two :D
Working into the shift will mean me going to bed at a real hour. If I can get to sleep by 10:30, and stay asleep, I can get a good night sleep and at least a small workout in. This beats no workout .. right??
So if I made it to the gym today why did the day bite? I still just not feelin this stuff called life. I won't bore ya with all the junk I am dealing with. I really don't think I can without breaking down again an crying. I already have a headache from that.
I guess the good thing about this feeling, I know not a great thing, but I just don't feel like eating. I did force myself to eat. I took my a shake with me when I went to the gym. After I left I stopped off at Subway for my eggwhite and ham breakfast.
Since my schedule was crazy today I didn't ever really take a lunch. I did make myself go get a hamburger in the cafeteria on my one break. The schedule was crazy due to a Dr visit I had today. After talking an crying with him for almost an hour I really didn't feel like eating. I did stop to get some water to take back with me and ended up getting one of the hot dogs .. or hot link or something ... it wasn't all bad but I convinced myself to at least eat something at this point. Even with that ... aahm not so good choice ... I'm still within my calorie bank for today.
Yeah in some ways I had a good "healthy" day, just all the other junk getting to me keeping me from feeling. I will see what happens tomorrow.
Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.
oh yeah ... back down 2 more lbs ... at least it's not up two :D
Monday, November 26, 2012
Monday 11-26-12
Today bites!! The best thing I can say about it, I did manage to MAKE myself walk 30 min on lunch. I did manage to keep from overdrawing on my calorie count, probably cuz the funk I am feeling today just doesn't make me wanna eat.
My life is tumbling all over the place. Five big areas either causing me stress (as much as I try to push it down, it surfaces when the day ends and my mind wonders) or leave my heart aching know it's never gonna work. You can't make someone love and respect ya no matter what you do. Everyone has a choice of their own, and some don't care about what those choices make others feel.
Today I was able to escape the thoughts while I was walking ... well part of the time. Night time when I should be getting sleep these things come wandering around again. I know I need to be able to sleep to be healthy but right now I am really not getting that sleep on most days. I'm not giving up just realizing why my motivation is low right now.
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on ... maybe push me along if you see me stopped, for now I think I'll cry myself to sleep.
My life is tumbling all over the place. Five big areas either causing me stress (as much as I try to push it down, it surfaces when the day ends and my mind wonders) or leave my heart aching know it's never gonna work. You can't make someone love and respect ya no matter what you do. Everyone has a choice of their own, and some don't care about what those choices make others feel.
Today I was able to escape the thoughts while I was walking ... well part of the time. Night time when I should be getting sleep these things come wandering around again. I know I need to be able to sleep to be healthy but right now I am really not getting that sleep on most days. I'm not giving up just realizing why my motivation is low right now.
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on ... maybe push me along if you see me stopped, for now I think I'll cry myself to sleep.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday 11-25 .. one month from Christmas
ok so yesterday was a MAJOR fail day for me. I didn't get in any exercise (other than walking around two different stores for about an hour). I have an overdraw on my food calories. I just had a BAD day.
Was I in a bad mood? no
Was I depressed? Don't think so
Was I bored? Shouldn't have been, I had plenty to do.
Was I unmotivated? And how ... I just could not get myself going, I guess it was the turkey hangover. I had plenty to do. I had photos I needed to work on. I house cleaning I NEEDED to get done. I could not get going. I did my blog, I pulled up my photo work and ..... "oh I'm thirsty" says my brain, or something in my body lol
As I am in the kitchen going to make my glass of water like a good lil girl I planned on being the leftovers called my name. I hadn't eaten and re.ally didn't feel like cooking, first mistake. Remember the pecan pie I mentioned yesterday? It got the best of me. Just a small slice ... this time. I can say that I never STUFFED myself at any given time, but I did make bad choices on what I ate, aahh the pie?? I know if I had just stopped an had a real breakfast, instead of "snacking" a few bites here an there I would have done better. I would have felt full at that point and stopped eating something (no matter how small) each time I went back to the kitchen. One of those lesson to learn.
I've never felt like I was an emotional eater. To me this is a person that eats depending on how they felt. I don't know, maybe yesterday was one. At the same time I wasn't upset about anything. I was sad, or mad, least not that I can really think of. Then again I can always stop an think of something that will make me mad or sad if I wanted to, but who has that much time?
Finally about mid afternoon I showered and dressed to go to the store. I didn't ever make it outta the house till after 5 last night. My niece and I went to get some picture frames for all these pictures that had been piled in my fireplace mantel. The most productive thing I did was cleaning the fireplace and reorganizing the mantel. While I was there I started a fire ... aahhmm I love my fireplace.
Today I will tackle cleaning and reorganizing my entertainment center. The kids may not be happy with me when I am done ... they have "stuff" on it. :D <3. After that the shelves, another place that they kids think they can just put "stuff" on. Today WILL be a better day.
Ok so it's time to go eat a real meal and get ready for church. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
Was I in a bad mood? no
Was I depressed? Don't think so
Was I bored? Shouldn't have been, I had plenty to do.
Was I unmotivated? And how ... I just could not get myself going, I guess it was the turkey hangover. I had plenty to do. I had photos I needed to work on. I house cleaning I NEEDED to get done. I could not get going. I did my blog, I pulled up my photo work and ..... "oh I'm thirsty" says my brain, or something in my body lol
As I am in the kitchen going to make my glass of water like a good lil girl I planned on being the leftovers called my name. I hadn't eaten and re.ally didn't feel like cooking, first mistake. Remember the pecan pie I mentioned yesterday? It got the best of me. Just a small slice ... this time. I can say that I never STUFFED myself at any given time, but I did make bad choices on what I ate, aahh the pie?? I know if I had just stopped an had a real breakfast, instead of "snacking" a few bites here an there I would have done better. I would have felt full at that point and stopped eating something (no matter how small) each time I went back to the kitchen. One of those lesson to learn.
I've never felt like I was an emotional eater. To me this is a person that eats depending on how they felt. I don't know, maybe yesterday was one. At the same time I wasn't upset about anything. I was sad, or mad, least not that I can really think of. Then again I can always stop an think of something that will make me mad or sad if I wanted to, but who has that much time?
Finally about mid afternoon I showered and dressed to go to the store. I didn't ever make it outta the house till after 5 last night. My niece and I went to get some picture frames for all these pictures that had been piled in my fireplace mantel. The most productive thing I did was cleaning the fireplace and reorganizing the mantel. While I was there I started a fire ... aahhmm I love my fireplace.
Today I will tackle cleaning and reorganizing my entertainment center. The kids may not be happy with me when I am done ... they have "stuff" on it. :D <3. After that the shelves, another place that they kids think they can just put "stuff" on. Today WILL be a better day.
Ok so it's time to go eat a real meal and get ready for church. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Saturday 11-24
oh wow just realized that it's only a month away till Christmas. AAAAUUUGGGHH!!
So I was going to write the other night but the turkey drugs kicked in and I got sleepy. Yesterday was a busy day at work and then had drama to talk about with a friend. So no I didn't write yesterday either.
I know the big question ... did I over eat?? Did I eat to much pie? Did I get any exercise in that time?
No, probably, yes. :D
I didn't at any one point just stuff myself like it's been known for people to do on Thanksgiving. I did eat pie. I also made the mistake of letting left over pie get into my house. So yes even as we speak I am looking at the plate from this morning where I had a slice of my very favorite pie. Pecan!!
I did good yesterday during the day, but of course when I got home I found myself hungry and I had some leftovers. Some turkey, dressing and green bean casserole. oh and some pumpkin cobbler. I did use the Splenda when I made it, so I am trying to convince myself it's ok ... I don't know :/
Yesterday at lunch I did MAKE myself to walk. I started to find a place on the couch in the hallway and sit an listen to some music while watching people walk by. I could not do this. I had the burning inside I had to get out an walk. I was going to just walk one round but after I got out there I ended up doing my 30 minutes. It felt good too.
Today I am being lazy, so far. I have photos that I need to get done so I need to get working.
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
So I was going to write the other night but the turkey drugs kicked in and I got sleepy. Yesterday was a busy day at work and then had drama to talk about with a friend. So no I didn't write yesterday either.
I know the big question ... did I over eat?? Did I eat to much pie? Did I get any exercise in that time?
No, probably, yes. :D
I didn't at any one point just stuff myself like it's been known for people to do on Thanksgiving. I did eat pie. I also made the mistake of letting left over pie get into my house. So yes even as we speak I am looking at the plate from this morning where I had a slice of my very favorite pie. Pecan!!
I did good yesterday during the day, but of course when I got home I found myself hungry and I had some leftovers. Some turkey, dressing and green bean casserole. oh and some pumpkin cobbler. I did use the Splenda when I made it, so I am trying to convince myself it's ok ... I don't know :/
Yesterday at lunch I did MAKE myself to walk. I started to find a place on the couch in the hallway and sit an listen to some music while watching people walk by. I could not do this. I had the burning inside I had to get out an walk. I was going to just walk one round but after I got out there I ended up doing my 30 minutes. It felt good too.
Today I am being lazy, so far. I have photos that I need to get done so I need to get working.
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thursday 11-22-12 ... Thanksgiving day
Today I am thankful for the journey that I started almost two years ago. When I started I had the big idea that I was going to lose weight and by this time would have been down to my goal that I wanted ... under 200. Am I there? No.
Why am I not there? I have had set backs. We have all set backs but it's what you do when you have those set backs that determine if you are going to be successful or if you are going to go back to where you were. As my buddy Sean Anderson puts it "you can choose change or let change choose you". We will never stay the same. It's part of life. We can move forward in positive way or sit in wallow in our negative thoughts and fall apart. What will you choose? I may fall down but I am going to keep getting up. With help from God I can make this journey work.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I did get a lil lazy last night and not write anything ... no that's not totally true. I am missing my mom. It's funny this is the second year without her at the holiday time but this year seems worse. I guess maybe last year I was still a lil numb. As I was sitting here last night thinking of what to make to take for dinner she kept coming to my mind. We use to always make a cheese log together. Now I can't find one of the main ingredients ... cheese ... not just any cheese ... Kraft American Pasteurized Block Cheese.
Yesterday wasn't anything WOW, but all in all a good day. I didn't feel like cooking so I stopped on the way to get my breakfast burrito. Lunch I walked for 20 min then came back to have a burger, half bun. When I got home had some roasted chicken. It wasn't really what I wanted but it was already cooked and I knew I needed to eat something. I was home alone and didn't know if anyone would be home to eat. Cooking for one just isn't much fun.
I thought I was doing pretty good on the caffeine kick, and I am for the most part. I don't really crave caffeine so much as I do wanting something other than just water to drink. I think that has been the hardest part of it all. Other than the couple of times I was sick I haven't even had a soda in 4 months this time. But now without caffeine and no sodas I am at a crossroad. So far I've done pretty good with it. I haven't caved in. Yesterday I REALLY wanted one. I even bought some at the store last night (to cook with) and started twice to drink one. The last time I even had glass in hand headed to the fridge for ice and realized I still have some of my lemon aid in it. I added more ice to cool it off and left with that only. I can't say it's been easy, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Then again, like I have said before, nothing worth having is easy to get.
I wish I could say I have some really great tips to help thru this day. There is not magic pill ( well there is but again that is they easy way) to keep you from overeating. There is no chant or spell that you can cast over yourself to get thru the day. You just have to want it. The best thing I can say is keep away from the sweets. IF you feel you can't leave it alone just take a taste of it. Is it going to be easy? Have you not read anything to this point? lol
Fill up on the "good stuff" and the bite of two of the sweets will be easier to handle. I know personally for me, if I tell myself I CAN'T have something that is when I want it most. If you let yourself have that taste and walk off you don't crave it. If you have trouble with "just a taste" have someone buddy up with ya. When we have someone to be accountable to we are more apt to be successful.
I hope that I have good report for my next blog ... stand back, say a pray and cheer me on.
Why am I not there? I have had set backs. We have all set backs but it's what you do when you have those set backs that determine if you are going to be successful or if you are going to go back to where you were. As my buddy Sean Anderson puts it "you can choose change or let change choose you". We will never stay the same. It's part of life. We can move forward in positive way or sit in wallow in our negative thoughts and fall apart. What will you choose? I may fall down but I am going to keep getting up. With help from God I can make this journey work.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I did get a lil lazy last night and not write anything ... no that's not totally true. I am missing my mom. It's funny this is the second year without her at the holiday time but this year seems worse. I guess maybe last year I was still a lil numb. As I was sitting here last night thinking of what to make to take for dinner she kept coming to my mind. We use to always make a cheese log together. Now I can't find one of the main ingredients ... cheese ... not just any cheese ... Kraft American Pasteurized Block Cheese.
Yesterday wasn't anything WOW, but all in all a good day. I didn't feel like cooking so I stopped on the way to get my breakfast burrito. Lunch I walked for 20 min then came back to have a burger, half bun. When I got home had some roasted chicken. It wasn't really what I wanted but it was already cooked and I knew I needed to eat something. I was home alone and didn't know if anyone would be home to eat. Cooking for one just isn't much fun.
I thought I was doing pretty good on the caffeine kick, and I am for the most part. I don't really crave caffeine so much as I do wanting something other than just water to drink. I think that has been the hardest part of it all. Other than the couple of times I was sick I haven't even had a soda in 4 months this time. But now without caffeine and no sodas I am at a crossroad. So far I've done pretty good with it. I haven't caved in. Yesterday I REALLY wanted one. I even bought some at the store last night (to cook with) and started twice to drink one. The last time I even had glass in hand headed to the fridge for ice and realized I still have some of my lemon aid in it. I added more ice to cool it off and left with that only. I can't say it's been easy, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Then again, like I have said before, nothing worth having is easy to get.
I wish I could say I have some really great tips to help thru this day. There is not magic pill ( well there is but again that is they easy way) to keep you from overeating. There is no chant or spell that you can cast over yourself to get thru the day. You just have to want it. The best thing I can say is keep away from the sweets. IF you feel you can't leave it alone just take a taste of it. Is it going to be easy? Have you not read anything to this point? lol
Fill up on the "good stuff" and the bite of two of the sweets will be easier to handle. I know personally for me, if I tell myself I CAN'T have something that is when I want it most. If you let yourself have that taste and walk off you don't crave it. If you have trouble with "just a taste" have someone buddy up with ya. When we have someone to be accountable to we are more apt to be successful.
I hope that I have good report for my next blog ... stand back, say a pray and cheer me on.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Tuesday 11-20-12
Ok today went well. I woke up later than I wanted to. I tried to make excuses that since I woke up later that I didn't want to go to the gym, but it wasn't meant to be that way. I log on and every post that I read from some of my journey buddies seemed to be scream "GO TO THE GYM!!" Ok I read funny anyway.
Now when I say late some will think I am crazy to say that late for a "gym before work" day is 5:30 but when I use to get up at 4:30 and AT the gym by 5 this was sleeping in. Even tough I hit it later than I had planned I still got in a good workout.
I spent one hour on the bike and logged 10 miles. Hit the weight room for some abdominals and and leg curls, laying an sitting. That wiped out another 30 minutes. No I didn't just one of each lol
Then it was off to the pool. Only and hour there ... no wait I swam for AN Hour!! :D
I hadn't been swimming in a while, not for more than 20-30 min anyway. To think I have swam for two hours before and didn't feel as beat as I did today. I REALLY gotta get back on track. About 25 minutes into the swim my arms started feeling it. It felt a lil like when I first started at the gym a year ago. That day I went home and my arms felt like a lead pipe hanging from my shoulders. Today wasn't that bad, but I did start to feel it before I was done.
Since I didn't have to be at work till 11:00 I had time to come home an eat. Bet ya can't guess what I had ;D ... ok ok eggs and wheat toast. I really need to change that but it's so easy and quick to get done. Any suggestions? aahhm healthy ones?
I had planned on trying to walk on my lunch break but by that time my ankle was still bothering me from the work out this morning. It bites that only 20-30 min into my bike ride it started bothering me. Fun thing is I didn't even try to talk myself outta stopping. (yeah me) If anything I went harder. Maybe that is why it was still bothering me at lunch. So instead I had some much needed phone work I had to catch up on. I know work on the phone at my J.O.B and still HAVE to do more on my lunch break for me. eeeyiiyiyiyiyi.
Lunch I did well then too. I took my lunch ... yes you read that correctly, its not a typo ... I made a plate last night of the meatloaf, greens and mixed veggies. The only real downfall of the day was on my late break. I don't know if it was that I was disgusted about a few things at that point or if I really was hungry like I told myself I was. I hit the vending machine and had a bag of Nacho Doritos. I didn't think I felt guilt about it but maybe I do, since I wrote it that way.
Today was the late shift and didn't get off till 8:00 and I was a bit hungry. I had a some roasted chicken. aahhmm about 4 wings, one leg and a few bites of a breast ... I love it ... it sounds like a lot but those really are small pieces, not excuses there.
oh wait ... I didn't mention that on my way to the gym I grabbed some of the sausage balls I made last night. I don't know if they are good or bad for ya but I like um on special occasions.
Now here I sit trying to decide if I want to listen to the grumbly feeling in my tummy or if I want to call it a night and just go to bed early. It would be a much easier decision if I wasn't waiting for my daughter to get off work, that'll take me to about 11:30-12 if I last that long.
water .... Water ... WATER!!! yeah water ... They say if you feel like you are hungry try drinking a glass of water first. Lets see what happens. I'll let ya know tomorrow
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
Now when I say late some will think I am crazy to say that late for a "gym before work" day is 5:30 but when I use to get up at 4:30 and AT the gym by 5 this was sleeping in. Even tough I hit it later than I had planned I still got in a good workout.
I spent one hour on the bike and logged 10 miles. Hit the weight room for some abdominals and and leg curls, laying an sitting. That wiped out another 30 minutes. No I didn't just one of each lol
Then it was off to the pool. Only and hour there ... no wait I swam for AN Hour!! :D
I hadn't been swimming in a while, not for more than 20-30 min anyway. To think I have swam for two hours before and didn't feel as beat as I did today. I REALLY gotta get back on track. About 25 minutes into the swim my arms started feeling it. It felt a lil like when I first started at the gym a year ago. That day I went home and my arms felt like a lead pipe hanging from my shoulders. Today wasn't that bad, but I did start to feel it before I was done.
Since I didn't have to be at work till 11:00 I had time to come home an eat. Bet ya can't guess what I had ;D ... ok ok eggs and wheat toast. I really need to change that but it's so easy and quick to get done. Any suggestions? aahhm healthy ones?
I had planned on trying to walk on my lunch break but by that time my ankle was still bothering me from the work out this morning. It bites that only 20-30 min into my bike ride it started bothering me. Fun thing is I didn't even try to talk myself outta stopping. (yeah me) If anything I went harder. Maybe that is why it was still bothering me at lunch. So instead I had some much needed phone work I had to catch up on. I know work on the phone at my J.O.B and still HAVE to do more on my lunch break for me. eeeyiiyiyiyiyi.
Lunch I did well then too. I took my lunch ... yes you read that correctly, its not a typo ... I made a plate last night of the meatloaf, greens and mixed veggies. The only real downfall of the day was on my late break. I don't know if it was that I was disgusted about a few things at that point or if I really was hungry like I told myself I was. I hit the vending machine and had a bag of Nacho Doritos. I didn't think I felt guilt about it but maybe I do, since I wrote it that way.
Today was the late shift and didn't get off till 8:00 and I was a bit hungry. I had a some roasted chicken. aahhmm about 4 wings, one leg and a few bites of a breast ... I love it ... it sounds like a lot but those really are small pieces, not excuses there.
oh wait ... I didn't mention that on my way to the gym I grabbed some of the sausage balls I made last night. I don't know if they are good or bad for ya but I like um on special occasions.
Now here I sit trying to decide if I want to listen to the grumbly feeling in my tummy or if I want to call it a night and just go to bed early. It would be a much easier decision if I wasn't waiting for my daughter to get off work, that'll take me to about 11:30-12 if I last that long.
water .... Water ... WATER!!! yeah water ... They say if you feel like you are hungry try drinking a glass of water first. Lets see what happens. I'll let ya know tomorrow
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Monday 11-19-12
So I missed a few days here. Saturday I stayed really busy. After staying up late Friday night cooking for early Thanksgiving I hit it running. I had two photo shoots that day, one of which was a football game.
Saturday dinner was great. Laughing, talking, oh yeah and eating. I didn't over do. I did have some pie. I love my pecan pie. I didn't over do. I make a to die for Mexican cheesecake and turns out it taste really good when you use Splenda, so it's not all bad.
Yesterday was kind of a lazy day. After church had lunch and came home to work on photos ... and watch my Cowboys. None of it really "exercise". Oh and the pecan pie? yeah I had a decent piece of it.
Today I kicked back in on my food count, but I really haven't been able to get in any kind of workout, even walking on lunch. I felt really bad and went to my car and took a nap. Tomorrow will kick off better too. I traded to work the late shift and will be hitting the gym early. I will get in a good workout before work. A much needed stress release.
So the caffeine kick is still going pretty good. Drinking mostly water. Milk and juice some in the morning. During the day at least one flavor packet in my water. In most ways it's been pretty easy, once I got past the major headache. I still start to reach for tea at times, forgetting it has caffeine.
Tonight, I came home an made meatloaf, mixed veggies and greens. MMMM MMM good. Now it's lazy time. I still kind of weird, not really a headache, not sure just really wanna just do nothing.
So it's my last few days in a few sentences. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Friday evening 12-16-12
So the week was not tooooo bad. This is a short one tonight ... I think lol
I have managed to make myself walk everyday this week at least 30 min. I have made much better choices ( well at least kept in my calorie bank) on my food. AND
I kicked caffeine!!!!
Two weeks ago tomorrow I had my LAST Monster. I loved dem thangs but I wasn't doing myself any favors by drinking them. One week ago tomorrow I had my last caffeine. None ... nadda ... zilch ... ZERO!! I have had water, milk and some flavor pkts in my water at work. Other than that I have been good :D I didn't know if I could do this, but I am kicking it.
Tomorrow is going to be a challenge. We are having Thanksgiving dinner early with family. Well at least the first one lol. I am baking tonight and I LLOOOVVVEEE pecan pie. There are TWO sitting on my kitchen table right now. I WILL be good. Check back with me tomorrow to see how I did.
Ok well got sausage balls cooking and I have two photo-shoots tomorrow so I need to get going. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on!!
I have managed to make myself walk everyday this week at least 30 min. I have made much better choices ( well at least kept in my calorie bank) on my food. AND
I kicked caffeine!!!!
Two weeks ago tomorrow I had my LAST Monster. I loved dem thangs but I wasn't doing myself any favors by drinking them. One week ago tomorrow I had my last caffeine. None ... nadda ... zilch ... ZERO!! I have had water, milk and some flavor pkts in my water at work. Other than that I have been good :D I didn't know if I could do this, but I am kicking it.
Tomorrow is going to be a challenge. We are having Thanksgiving dinner early with family. Well at least the first one lol. I am baking tonight and I LLOOOVVVEEE pecan pie. There are TWO sitting on my kitchen table right now. I WILL be good. Check back with me tomorrow to see how I did.
Ok well got sausage balls cooking and I have two photo-shoots tomorrow so I need to get going. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on!!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thurs 11-15-12 evening
Today wasn't so bad ... well depending on how you look at it. I got a good start with a few exercises here at home. I had a good breakfast. I made good food choice and exercise choices today.
My early break ... nope I didn't do anything. I had eaten at 5:30 this morning so by 9 I was starting to get hungry again. Just a lil. I had an egg sandwich. For lunch I had a hamburger and for dinner .. well eggs an toast. Now that I think of it I may have had more bread than I meant to eat today. I would like to say it was all wheat bread but I'm not able to get that at work. I really do need to plan better and take stuff with me. When will I learn?
So my challenges were all over the place today. Yeah I started out pretty well but I can do that any time. Morning break I did have something to eat instead of walking like I planned on. Why? Was I really hungry?? A lil. Could I have waited till lunch? Possible. I can make the excuses that I needed to eat to take my meds. I needed to eat to keep my ulcer from bothering me like it has been. Thing is I wanted to eat something. I really didn't want to walk "my feet hurt" fair enough right? yeah I'm rolling my eyes too :/
My lunch time I still really didn't want to walk but I had that burn inside (no not from my ulcer lol). No pain no gain, or loss on my part :D I would walk at least one round. Once I got out there I did end up talking myself into doing more. I did the first round, one more time I told myself. The end of the second round "It's not all that bad, just take a slow pace, you're almost done". So I made it one more round and completed my 30 min. I hurt!! I don't want to!! At the same time I don't want to be overweight!!! So I will bike, swim, walk, or crawl till I can get it off. If my ankle doesn't get better I will walk until it falls off. Sounds pretty harsh to ya? I know does me too. You guys will have to pray for me on that one lol
But really I don't know what all is going on with my ankle. I am at the point I don't care. On top of that I know part of the reason my feet hurt is my shoes don't fit right any more. I can't remember ever losing enough weight that my shoes were to big but I have. I guess I need to invest in some ... soon!!!!!!
Today I was thinking about my friend Cathy as I was walking. Tonight I was inspired by her. Her blog talked about ... well in short hating being over weight and feeling like she failed ... again. I know that feeling all too well. I fell back into some of my old habits. I told myself it was ok since I wasn't gaining weight. I have givn myself 5-10 lb fluff to bounce around with. I was up and down on the scale for a while. Now it's just up. Only 10 lbs. ONLY??? ONLY TEN??? ENOUGH!!! I did not work this hard over the past two years to stop now.
I know the feeling of feeling like a failure. I know the pain, shame, disgust that overweight people feel when they try and then hit a wall. But I also know the peace that I get when I hear God tell me "it's ok I understand and I am here for you" I seem to get a lil lighter step when I do. We can do this.
So everyone stand back, say a prayer and cheer us on.
My early break ... nope I didn't do anything. I had eaten at 5:30 this morning so by 9 I was starting to get hungry again. Just a lil. I had an egg sandwich. For lunch I had a hamburger and for dinner .. well eggs an toast. Now that I think of it I may have had more bread than I meant to eat today. I would like to say it was all wheat bread but I'm not able to get that at work. I really do need to plan better and take stuff with me. When will I learn?
So my challenges were all over the place today. Yeah I started out pretty well but I can do that any time. Morning break I did have something to eat instead of walking like I planned on. Why? Was I really hungry?? A lil. Could I have waited till lunch? Possible. I can make the excuses that I needed to eat to take my meds. I needed to eat to keep my ulcer from bothering me like it has been. Thing is I wanted to eat something. I really didn't want to walk "my feet hurt" fair enough right? yeah I'm rolling my eyes too :/
My lunch time I still really didn't want to walk but I had that burn inside (no not from my ulcer lol). No pain no gain, or loss on my part :D I would walk at least one round. Once I got out there I did end up talking myself into doing more. I did the first round, one more time I told myself. The end of the second round "It's not all that bad, just take a slow pace, you're almost done". So I made it one more round and completed my 30 min. I hurt!! I don't want to!! At the same time I don't want to be overweight!!! So I will bike, swim, walk, or crawl till I can get it off. If my ankle doesn't get better I will walk until it falls off. Sounds pretty harsh to ya? I know does me too. You guys will have to pray for me on that one lol
But really I don't know what all is going on with my ankle. I am at the point I don't care. On top of that I know part of the reason my feet hurt is my shoes don't fit right any more. I can't remember ever losing enough weight that my shoes were to big but I have. I guess I need to invest in some ... soon!!!!!!
Today I was thinking about my friend Cathy as I was walking. Tonight I was inspired by her. Her blog talked about ... well in short hating being over weight and feeling like she failed ... again. I know that feeling all too well. I fell back into some of my old habits. I told myself it was ok since I wasn't gaining weight. I have givn myself 5-10 lb fluff to bounce around with. I was up and down on the scale for a while. Now it's just up. Only 10 lbs. ONLY??? ONLY TEN??? ENOUGH!!! I did not work this hard over the past two years to stop now.
I know the feeling of feeling like a failure. I know the pain, shame, disgust that overweight people feel when they try and then hit a wall. But I also know the peace that I get when I hear God tell me "it's ok I understand and I am here for you" I seem to get a lil lighter step when I do. We can do this.
So everyone stand back, say a prayer and cheer us on.
Thurs 11-15-12 morning
Well last night after I did my blog I ended going back to get something to eat. Not anything crazy. A bowl of granola cereal. Just enough to make it till morning.
This morning started off with some situps and a few other exercises that I couldn't tell you the name of.
Today WILL be a good day. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on!!
This morning started off with some situps and a few other exercises that I couldn't tell you the name of.
Today WILL be a good day. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on!!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Wednesday 11-14-12 evening
I really don't have much to say tonight but today was pretty good. I started out with a good breakfast and then off to work. Morning break took a 10 min walk. Lunch again went for a walk ... 30min ... late break only a small walk 5 min. After my walk on lunch actually ate lunch too. Slice roast beef, green beans and mashed potatoes. mmm mm good. Dinner didn't want much but had a BIG bowl of green peas. oh yeah that's the stuff.
my snack of the day?? porkskins ... spicy ones that made my mouth burn just enough that I drank a lot of water. I don't know why but I have had trouble getting my water in till the end of the day. Today I did much better.
Today a plus ... first I really thought it was in a while ... so let's do this. Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.
ok yesterday went pretty good. I started off with a healthy breakfast, as I did today. My early break I did get a small breakfast burrito at work. I munched on my wheat thins off and on thru the day. Lunch I did have a hamburger (no fries). On my lunch I did get my walk in. I was tempted to do nothing but my buddy Linda sent me a text about walking and it inspired me to walk. Ok ok I was ashamed of myself for wanting to not walk, but it got me walking any way. I got in a full 30 min.
The afternoon went pretty well. I still had my wheat thins to much on, but the there were some mini cupcakes in the area and I had one. For that matter I didn't even it.
Since I had worked late I didn't get to eat till late but even that I did pretty well. I had left over roast and veggies (potatoes an carrots). Someone had left some chicken parm in the microwave and of course I had to have a piece of it. The small portion of roast that was left just wasn't enough.
My down fall was not getting enough water. For some reason I just didn't feel thirsty.
I had a decent nights sleep an I am ready to go.
Stand back, say a pray an cheer me on.
The afternoon went pretty well. I still had my wheat thins to much on, but the there were some mini cupcakes in the area and I had one. For that matter I didn't even it.
Since I had worked late I didn't get to eat till late but even that I did pretty well. I had left over roast and veggies (potatoes an carrots). Someone had left some chicken parm in the microwave and of course I had to have a piece of it. The small portion of roast that was left just wasn't enough.
My down fall was not getting enough water. For some reason I just didn't feel thirsty.
I had a decent nights sleep an I am ready to go.
Stand back, say a pray an cheer me on.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Tue 11-13 aahhm day?
ok so I missed some days. Life is crazy. Again I would like to say it's because I have been so busy getting fit that I have not had time to blog but it's not true.
I have been walking more but not the past few days. Been staying
more active than I did for a while but getting to the gym seems to be a BIG challenge for me. Don't worry I'm working on it.
I know I have said this before but I will say it again. You gotta have a balance of sleep, nutrition and exercise to make this work. It's the sleep part that is getting me here lately. I don't know if it's the withdraw of caffeine that is causing it or the stress. At the same time I know exercise is a great stress relief, so why don't I do this? Good question. let me know when you have the answer.
Today I am making a new start. Yes again!! At least I'm not giving up.
This morning, after interrupted sleep, I started with a good breakfast. Eggs, wheat toast and granola cereal. I plan on getting in at least a collection of 30 min walk. I can do this. I will try to check in later tonight an let you know how I've done
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on :D
I have been walking more but not the past few days. Been staying
more active than I did for a while but getting to the gym seems to be a BIG challenge for me. Don't worry I'm working on it.
I know I have said this before but I will say it again. You gotta have a balance of sleep, nutrition and exercise to make this work. It's the sleep part that is getting me here lately. I don't know if it's the withdraw of caffeine that is causing it or the stress. At the same time I know exercise is a great stress relief, so why don't I do this? Good question. let me know when you have the answer.
Today I am making a new start. Yes again!! At least I'm not giving up.
This morning, after interrupted sleep, I started with a good breakfast. Eggs, wheat toast and granola cereal. I plan on getting in at least a collection of 30 min walk. I can do this. I will try to check in later tonight an let you know how I've done
Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on :D
Monday, November 5, 2012
Monday 11-5-12
today has not been a good day. The weekend wasn't really good either. I guess that's why I didn't blog. I didn't like doing anything. ANYTHING. I am in a funk, probably feelings sorry for myself a bit. Yesterday stopped caffeine and feeling it. Didn't really plan it but had run out of the case of Monster drinks that I had bought and just didn't want to buy one yesterday morning on my way to church. After church didn't think much about it till I realized the headache was not going away.
Today I thought that since I had already hit the headache stage I wanted to keep going. I took a few drinks but that's all. Considerably less since I usually have at least 1-2 a day.
Today I was in my funk, no not because of the withdraws, just other things going on. Before I left for work I had some eggs and wheat toast.
When I got in the car there was the bag of chips I had bought yesterday. No, not a small bag. The regular big bag of my sea salt an pepper kettle chips. I had bought them when I was upset and they were calling my name today. I munched on the till around 2:00 this afternoon. Not my best choice of the day, esp since I didn't eat lunch.
Early break went for walk. I really had hoped that I could walk off the frustration that I was feeling. No frustration isn't really the word. I've got a hurt that I really don't want to talk about on here. Some things in life are just that way. I keep dealing with it.
My lunch I really didn't want to walk, but I didn't want to find a corner to cry in either. I figured that walking would be the better option. I did get in my 30 min for the day.
By the end of my work day the headache was much worse that I thought it could be. I took some more pain reliever but probably shouldn't have, it gave my a stomach ache. To many on an empty of this old lady was a bad combo. I tried eating when I got home but it was already to late. I had a bowl of raisin bran.
now here I sit blogging .. nite all
Today I thought that since I had already hit the headache stage I wanted to keep going. I took a few drinks but that's all. Considerably less since I usually have at least 1-2 a day.
Today I was in my funk, no not because of the withdraws, just other things going on. Before I left for work I had some eggs and wheat toast.
When I got in the car there was the bag of chips I had bought yesterday. No, not a small bag. The regular big bag of my sea salt an pepper kettle chips. I had bought them when I was upset and they were calling my name today. I munched on the till around 2:00 this afternoon. Not my best choice of the day, esp since I didn't eat lunch.
Early break went for walk. I really had hoped that I could walk off the frustration that I was feeling. No frustration isn't really the word. I've got a hurt that I really don't want to talk about on here. Some things in life are just that way. I keep dealing with it.
My lunch I really didn't want to walk, but I didn't want to find a corner to cry in either. I figured that walking would be the better option. I did get in my 30 min for the day.
By the end of my work day the headache was much worse that I thought it could be. I took some more pain reliever but probably shouldn't have, it gave my a stomach ache. To many on an empty of this old lady was a bad combo. I tried eating when I got home but it was already to late. I had a bowl of raisin bran.
now here I sit blogging .. nite all
Friday, November 2, 2012
Friday 11-2-12 day 4
Ok so today wasn't too bad. I had some chicken when I got up this morning. Yes I said chicken.
oh but I need to rewind a bit first. Last night after I wrote my blog I dropped the ball a bit. My daughter works on a chicken place at some nights brings home some of the leftover chicken. The roasted chicken is really good, but I eat that? No!! I had to have a piece of fried chicken at midnight when she woke me up as she came in. I know I know it's not good or a good time of day but I did it.
This morning I had a piece of chicken ... well what my cat didn't talk me out of. I didn't get even a whole piece. I was on the run by this time so I called in my breakfast burrito. I love it. I the the flour tortilla isn't the best choice but for now I am working on. I'm not making excuses, stating facts.
Lunch ... nope I went for walk on lunch. Now by the afternoon it was a different story. We had a team meeting and it was snack day. Since I didn't eat lunch I was starting to get hungry. I was glad to see that someone had a veggie tray. Even though I did dip in Ranch dressing it was a better choice than it has been in the past.
I know at this point you are about ready to pat me on the back with "atta girl" but wait. Someone also had meat cheese tray. Oh the most lovely sourdough bread I had seen in awhile. Yes I made a sandwich and loved it. I did put veggies and the meat. Mustard is a better option than mayo and I do love some spicy brown mustard. Is it good for ya? I don't know I didn't read the label this time.
At the end of the meeting I did make a second one to take home with me. This one was mostly veggies because ... well that part doesn't matter.
After work my daughter and I went to have nails done. I don't do this often but it's a payday treat that she and I have started doing. I love to be pampered as much as the next person. ():)
After the nails it was almost game time. I had the veggie sandwich and I was off to the game. On the way I stopped for my bottle of water, since I was way behind my goal for the day and I really did want water.
Game time!! I love football. I can watch it anytime, anywhere. I don't even have to know about the teams. If I am in the mood to watch football I'll just pick the team with the best color. I know.. stop laughing :D
I spent most of the time walking the field taking photos. I love it too. Almost half time an my friends is off to the concession stand. "do you want anything?" "naa I'm good". No no don't pat me on the back yet. As she walked off I had the phone in my hand and text one worn "NACHOS"!!
Even as I sat in the stands and ate them, which by the way was probably one of the worst nachos I have ever had, I'm thinking ... nope I just ate um.
When I got home from the game I was a lil hungry. Remember the chicken? Nope I didn't eat the fried I had some roasted chicken. Again what my cat didn't talk me out of.
So now here I sit. Thinking back over the day. All in all it could have been much worse. I don't know if I broke even but I did try to do better than I had been. I made more healthier choice than bad on my food. I did walk 20 min at work. (as well as the time standing and walking the field tonight). I am happy with my day. I don't feel like beating myself up like I had been for awhile. I am getting back on track. Now I just need to get off the Monsters. I did go one whole day without any caffeine so I can do this. So say a prayer, stand back and cheer me on.
oh but I need to rewind a bit first. Last night after I wrote my blog I dropped the ball a bit. My daughter works on a chicken place at some nights brings home some of the leftover chicken. The roasted chicken is really good, but I eat that? No!! I had to have a piece of fried chicken at midnight when she woke me up as she came in. I know I know it's not good or a good time of day but I did it.
This morning I had a piece of chicken ... well what my cat didn't talk me out of. I didn't get even a whole piece. I was on the run by this time so I called in my breakfast burrito. I love it. I the the flour tortilla isn't the best choice but for now I am working on. I'm not making excuses, stating facts.
Lunch ... nope I went for walk on lunch. Now by the afternoon it was a different story. We had a team meeting and it was snack day. Since I didn't eat lunch I was starting to get hungry. I was glad to see that someone had a veggie tray. Even though I did dip in Ranch dressing it was a better choice than it has been in the past.
I know at this point you are about ready to pat me on the back with "atta girl" but wait. Someone also had meat cheese tray. Oh the most lovely sourdough bread I had seen in awhile. Yes I made a sandwich and loved it. I did put veggies and the meat. Mustard is a better option than mayo and I do love some spicy brown mustard. Is it good for ya? I don't know I didn't read the label this time.
At the end of the meeting I did make a second one to take home with me. This one was mostly veggies because ... well that part doesn't matter.
After work my daughter and I went to have nails done. I don't do this often but it's a payday treat that she and I have started doing. I love to be pampered as much as the next person. ():)
After the nails it was almost game time. I had the veggie sandwich and I was off to the game. On the way I stopped for my bottle of water, since I was way behind my goal for the day and I really did want water.
Game time!! I love football. I can watch it anytime, anywhere. I don't even have to know about the teams. If I am in the mood to watch football I'll just pick the team with the best color. I know.. stop laughing :D
I spent most of the time walking the field taking photos. I love it too. Almost half time an my friends is off to the concession stand. "do you want anything?" "naa I'm good". No no don't pat me on the back yet. As she walked off I had the phone in my hand and text one worn "NACHOS"!!
Even as I sat in the stands and ate them, which by the way was probably one of the worst nachos I have ever had, I'm thinking ... nope I just ate um.
When I got home from the game I was a lil hungry. Remember the chicken? Nope I didn't eat the fried I had some roasted chicken. Again what my cat didn't talk me out of.
So now here I sit. Thinking back over the day. All in all it could have been much worse. I don't know if I broke even but I did try to do better than I had been. I made more healthier choice than bad on my food. I did walk 20 min at work. (as well as the time standing and walking the field tonight). I am happy with my day. I don't feel like beating myself up like I had been for awhile. I am getting back on track. Now I just need to get off the Monsters. I did go one whole day without any caffeine so I can do this. So say a prayer, stand back and cheer me on.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Thursday 11-1-12 Day 3
well not much to tell today. It was a lazy day I guess. I had a way to early breakfast at home egg an wheat toast. Surprised? lol On the way to work had to pick up a breakfast burrito. MMMM mmm good. Eggs, cheese, jalapenos ... I love it.
Lunch?? ahmm oh yeah small salad. Dinner was the killer. I had lasagna ... and a second serving. Even with the second helping I was still under my calorie count for the day.
Exercise?? nope didn't really happen. I could say it was because my ankle was bothering me, and it was, but I could have forced myself to walk. I don't know if walking around Academy counts. It definitely wasn't my 30 min. I can't say that I counted anything much today. I don't know why. I didn't give up I just didn't get exercise going.
I will do better tomorrow. Say a prayer, stand back an cheer me on.
Lunch?? ahmm oh yeah small salad. Dinner was the killer. I had lasagna ... and a second serving. Even with the second helping I was still under my calorie count for the day.
Exercise?? nope didn't really happen. I could say it was because my ankle was bothering me, and it was, but I could have forced myself to walk. I don't know if walking around Academy counts. It definitely wasn't my 30 min. I can't say that I counted anything much today. I don't know why. I didn't give up I just didn't get exercise going.
I will do better tomorrow. Say a prayer, stand back an cheer me on.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Wednesday 10-31-12 day 2
ok so today was ok .. it's halloween ... I didnt cave to bad. I've had a hunger for some chocolate for a few days now and had a mini kit kat ... and butterfinger .... oh and a hershey ... and .. nope that's all.
The day started off ok. I got up early enough to have breakfast. Yeah my good ole standby of eggs n wheat toast. Early break?? oh yeah bacon biscuit and a piece of sausage. I know I wanted to stay away from carbs but I'm still working on it.
Lunch I did walk for 20 minutes. I was thinking I would walk more but by that time my ankle was hurting and didn't want to push toooo much. I knew I would be on my feet for a while tonight at the church for the halloween carnival ... aahhmm sorry the trick or trunk :D I did stay there for about an hour n half. I'm getting too old to stay up to long ya know :D
Dinner I did come home and have some baked chicken, leftovers from Sunday lunch, then off to the church. Nope I didn't eat any candy there .. or any bad stuff... for that matter I didn't eat anything. I was good :D
So this is probably one of the shortest blogs I've done but here it is. I am trying to get back on track. I want to keep up with at least a short post if nothing else to be a reminder of where I am going and where I've been. I can look back and see the good an bad that has gotten me to where I am. I can chart where I am going. It all starts with a plan.
Say a prayer, stand back an cheer me on.
The day started off ok. I got up early enough to have breakfast. Yeah my good ole standby of eggs n wheat toast. Early break?? oh yeah bacon biscuit and a piece of sausage. I know I wanted to stay away from carbs but I'm still working on it.
Lunch I did walk for 20 minutes. I was thinking I would walk more but by that time my ankle was hurting and didn't want to push toooo much. I knew I would be on my feet for a while tonight at the church for the halloween carnival ... aahhmm sorry the trick or trunk :D I did stay there for about an hour n half. I'm getting too old to stay up to long ya know :D
Dinner I did come home and have some baked chicken, leftovers from Sunday lunch, then off to the church. Nope I didn't eat any candy there .. or any bad stuff... for that matter I didn't eat anything. I was good :D
So this is probably one of the shortest blogs I've done but here it is. I am trying to get back on track. I want to keep up with at least a short post if nothing else to be a reminder of where I am going and where I've been. I can look back and see the good an bad that has gotten me to where I am. I can chart where I am going. It all starts with a plan.
Say a prayer, stand back an cheer me on.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tue 10-30-12 ... day 1
Yes you read that right. Day 1!!
I made the decision last night to kick my butt and get this going. This is probably short unless I find a rabbit to chase.
I started off ok. I had eggs and whole wheat toast for breakfast. My early morning break I had a few strips of bacon and a slice of sausage. I know not the best choice but if you had seen what the choices were you'd done the same thing.
By lunchtime I really didn't want to eat. I know it's not good to skip meals but I had a heavy heart and did something else. Just after my early morning break I heard the news that I lost someone that was dear to me. I called him "my hero" he called me the Chicken Lady. You would have to of known our relationship to get that one. He was like a Dad to me. He wife is super special too.
So by lunchtime I went outside to try and call the family but wasn't able to contact them. As I was sitting there I got up and just started to walk. My thoughts were on Garvin and how much he meant to me, and how much I've missed him and will miss him.
The afternoon was a bit of a blur to be honest and before I knew it it was time to come home. I was able to reach the family and got to talk the sweetest lady, his wife. They have been such a blessing in my life. She and I laughed and talked about Garvin how things had been the past few weeks. A much needed conversation.
Once I was home I really didn't feel like eating but I knew I needed to. Baked some parmesan chicken and peas. Nope that was two separate things :/. Thought my son would be home but found I was eating alone again. It's ok I use to do it all the time.
It would have been easy to do an emotional eating time tonight but I have been pretty good. I did go back and get an additional piece of chicken but then wrapped them an put them in the fridge. I don't like cold chicken all that well and I'm to lazy tonight to warm it up ... even in the microwave.
So the eating habits weren't the best today. The food choices were ok. I guess the best thing I did was actually get in my 30 min of exercise.
As I was walking I realized I had been doing what I use to do before I got started. I realized I need to get back to where I started this journey. When I started in Jan 2011 I did not go to the gym. I did not take stairs, up or down. I didn't do a lot of things. I did change my eating habits and felt better which lead me to start walking. It was a day much like today.
I have been using the excuse that I can not do the walking like I had been because of my ankle. Today I didn't care. At first it was I needed to walk off what I was feeling. Then it was like Garvin was walking with me. I could hear his laugh when I had "stupid" thoughts .. something like he did when we talked. I remembered how he was happy for me when I talked about how well I had been doing. Had been doing. HAD been doing. I had been walking when I couldn't bring myself to go to the gym. Several times I told myself I could walk thru the pain. When I was done I took something for it. So I kept going. Just me an Garvin :D
So today is day one. DAY ONE!! of getting back to where I started. When I don't make it to the gym in the am I will find a way to walk at least 30 min some time in the day. I will do this. Not for anyone else but me.
Say a prayer, stand back, and cheer me on.
I made the decision last night to kick my butt and get this going. This is probably short unless I find a rabbit to chase.
I started off ok. I had eggs and whole wheat toast for breakfast. My early morning break I had a few strips of bacon and a slice of sausage. I know not the best choice but if you had seen what the choices were you'd done the same thing.
By lunchtime I really didn't want to eat. I know it's not good to skip meals but I had a heavy heart and did something else. Just after my early morning break I heard the news that I lost someone that was dear to me. I called him "my hero" he called me the Chicken Lady. You would have to of known our relationship to get that one. He was like a Dad to me. He wife is super special too.
So by lunchtime I went outside to try and call the family but wasn't able to contact them. As I was sitting there I got up and just started to walk. My thoughts were on Garvin and how much he meant to me, and how much I've missed him and will miss him.
The afternoon was a bit of a blur to be honest and before I knew it it was time to come home. I was able to reach the family and got to talk the sweetest lady, his wife. They have been such a blessing in my life. She and I laughed and talked about Garvin how things had been the past few weeks. A much needed conversation.
Once I was home I really didn't feel like eating but I knew I needed to. Baked some parmesan chicken and peas. Nope that was two separate things :/. Thought my son would be home but found I was eating alone again. It's ok I use to do it all the time.
It would have been easy to do an emotional eating time tonight but I have been pretty good. I did go back and get an additional piece of chicken but then wrapped them an put them in the fridge. I don't like cold chicken all that well and I'm to lazy tonight to warm it up ... even in the microwave.
So the eating habits weren't the best today. The food choices were ok. I guess the best thing I did was actually get in my 30 min of exercise.
As I was walking I realized I had been doing what I use to do before I got started. I realized I need to get back to where I started this journey. When I started in Jan 2011 I did not go to the gym. I did not take stairs, up or down. I didn't do a lot of things. I did change my eating habits and felt better which lead me to start walking. It was a day much like today.
I have been using the excuse that I can not do the walking like I had been because of my ankle. Today I didn't care. At first it was I needed to walk off what I was feeling. Then it was like Garvin was walking with me. I could hear his laugh when I had "stupid" thoughts .. something like he did when we talked. I remembered how he was happy for me when I talked about how well I had been doing. Had been doing. HAD been doing. I had been walking when I couldn't bring myself to go to the gym. Several times I told myself I could walk thru the pain. When I was done I took something for it. So I kept going. Just me an Garvin :D
So today is day one. DAY ONE!! of getting back to where I started. When I don't make it to the gym in the am I will find a way to walk at least 30 min some time in the day. I will do this. Not for anyone else but me.
Say a prayer, stand back, and cheer me on.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Monday 11-29-12
I'm ashamed to say I fell. I thought by making myself do this blog it would help me to keep up and stay on track. It didn't. As most things in my life I do start off really well but seem to lose it before I make it to my goal. I don't know why I do this but I get really upset with myself about it. For anyone that had been following this I am sorry. I wanted this to be an encouragement for me to keep on track as well as help someone else see it can be done, even with all the struggles. I lost my way for a while and am struggling but I am coming back.
I wish I could say that I have stayed within my 5-10 lb range that I said I was ok with but I bumped up over that a bit. I do have it back down now, at least when I was at the gym last time. When was that? Almost a week ago. I know I am shaking my head too.
I believe deep in my that this can be done. I am tired of stopping at the gate of where I want to be. I want this to be something that I actually open the gate and make it home. The last big thing I did like that was when I went AND finished college. I almost did it then. I HAD to take off for a session and was so tempted to not finish, just two course short of graduating. I did it. I found that inner umph and pushed myself to get back in and finish what I started. I WILL do it again. This time it's a matter of life an death.
I have made plans and going to do my best to make it to the gym AT LEAST 2-3 times a week. I am not sure I can do more right now with my schedule like it is. I am sure if I tried hard enough I could find time for all of it, but right now I just want to get back in. I had been hitting the gym 4-5 times a week for months and then I let life step in and I missed once. Then twice. An so on an so on. You know the story, we have all had our variations of it. Some several times, like me now. I am not done.
I have had some set back that keep my sleep patterns off but I am working on them. It is time to think about myself for me. Not for anyone but me. I need to be healthy to be all God created me to be and I have sold myself short on this. I have not given it my all. That IS going to change starting now.
I will do my best to keep a daily record, even when it seems that I haven't done anything to write about. If nothing else you may hear about what I ate for the day. Or maybe how work went ( I can always find something funny to write about on that one). I am rededicating myself to this and I will get it right. Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.
I wish I could say that I have stayed within my 5-10 lb range that I said I was ok with but I bumped up over that a bit. I do have it back down now, at least when I was at the gym last time. When was that? Almost a week ago. I know I am shaking my head too.
I believe deep in my that this can be done. I am tired of stopping at the gate of where I want to be. I want this to be something that I actually open the gate and make it home. The last big thing I did like that was when I went AND finished college. I almost did it then. I HAD to take off for a session and was so tempted to not finish, just two course short of graduating. I did it. I found that inner umph and pushed myself to get back in and finish what I started. I WILL do it again. This time it's a matter of life an death.
I have made plans and going to do my best to make it to the gym AT LEAST 2-3 times a week. I am not sure I can do more right now with my schedule like it is. I am sure if I tried hard enough I could find time for all of it, but right now I just want to get back in. I had been hitting the gym 4-5 times a week for months and then I let life step in and I missed once. Then twice. An so on an so on. You know the story, we have all had our variations of it. Some several times, like me now. I am not done.
I have had some set back that keep my sleep patterns off but I am working on them. It is time to think about myself for me. Not for anyone but me. I need to be healthy to be all God created me to be and I have sold myself short on this. I have not given it my all. That IS going to change starting now.
I will do my best to keep a daily record, even when it seems that I haven't done anything to write about. If nothing else you may hear about what I ate for the day. Or maybe how work went ( I can always find something funny to write about on that one). I am rededicating myself to this and I will get it right. Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.
Monday, September 24, 2012
9-24-12
I can't believe it's been a month since I last wrote. I would like to say it's because I've been busy working out and doing the right thing. Just the opposite, I've had my melt down. I lost my motivation. I can come up with plenty of excuse two big ones this past month, the one year anniversary or losing my mother the other the trouble that I have had with my ankle. The past few weeks I have felt miserable. I am really uncomfortable with the way I feel in my body.
I had not had a really good workout on a regular basis in a few months, again I can come up with some valid excuse but excuse do not get me where I need/want to be. In this time I had not stepped foot on a scale and really didn't know if I wanted to. I felt awful but Saturday made my way to the gym. I did get in a some cardio and weights an finished off with a swim before my ankle started to bother me to much.
After I showered and was about to leave something stopped me and I went back to weigh. I was only 6 lbs up from the last time I had charted. I don't like the idea of being up anything but I have been bouncing up an down with 5-10 lbs for a few months now. Thing is at this time I "feel" heavy. I don't like how I am feeling right now. I HAVE to make that change. With prayer and determination I am going to make this work.
I talked with my orthopedic dr today and know a lil more about what is going on with the ankle and some direction on what I can do in the gym. I still have to go back for MRI on it to better determine what is happening with it, but I have an ok to hit the gym as long as I am not in pain. "Use common sense and if it hurts pull back or stop" was the advice. I'm going with it.
I am going to start a detox this week, once I finish reading more on the best way to approach it. I am not giving up. I still have that first 100 lb goal I want to hit. I am now 15 lbs from it but I WILL hit it soon.
Anyone out there still with me I talk to me. Tell me what challenges you have faced and how you have overcome it.
I had not had a really good workout on a regular basis in a few months, again I can come up with some valid excuse but excuse do not get me where I need/want to be. In this time I had not stepped foot on a scale and really didn't know if I wanted to. I felt awful but Saturday made my way to the gym. I did get in a some cardio and weights an finished off with a swim before my ankle started to bother me to much.
After I showered and was about to leave something stopped me and I went back to weigh. I was only 6 lbs up from the last time I had charted. I don't like the idea of being up anything but I have been bouncing up an down with 5-10 lbs for a few months now. Thing is at this time I "feel" heavy. I don't like how I am feeling right now. I HAVE to make that change. With prayer and determination I am going to make this work.
I talked with my orthopedic dr today and know a lil more about what is going on with the ankle and some direction on what I can do in the gym. I still have to go back for MRI on it to better determine what is happening with it, but I have an ok to hit the gym as long as I am not in pain. "Use common sense and if it hurts pull back or stop" was the advice. I'm going with it.
I am going to start a detox this week, once I finish reading more on the best way to approach it. I am not giving up. I still have that first 100 lb goal I want to hit. I am now 15 lbs from it but I WILL hit it soon.
Anyone out there still with me I talk to me. Tell me what challenges you have faced and how you have overcome it.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
8-18-12
The week started out much better than it's ending, workout wise anyway. My diet is off the charts too. I don't know if it's cuz I feel rough physically, not from workouts, but ... well from a medical standpoint. I am hoping it's cuz the last time I had my blood pressure meds filled they gave me a different brand, it was the same thing but just a different generic company that it come from. Pharmacist said he would trade them out and didn't think it was the problem but we could rule that out before going back to Dr if needed.
I keep getting dizzy feeling, not like I'm gonna fall or anything but ... fuzzy ... sluggish, which makes me not want to do anything. I came home from work last night at 5 and laid down for a few minutes while my daughter made some dinner. I was about half asleep in that time. Got up enough to eat, for the first time since 8 that morning, and laid back down while I talked with her.
I had a friend call me that she was up at the football field watching her grand kids workout so I went up with her. I was only there for about 30 mins about feel asleep in that time. Came home from that, did very little and laid back down to watch TV around 9:30 feel asleep again and woke up around 11 when my daughter came in. I sat up an talk with her boyfriend and my son for about 30 minutes and was out again. I don't know maybe I have been just trying to push toooo much into my days. Last time I felt that way I had a sleep time like this.
The part that bothers me is on top of all that I really feel uncomfortable. The med that they changed also worked as a diuretic, and I mean it WORKED, and this one does not. I had been feeling really bloated and didn't know why but I think it's probably from this.
Today is going to be a busy day. My daughter starts her first real job and I am really happy for her. I am going in this morning to work some much needed overtime and then I plan on hitting the gym and have her to work by 4. Tonight my sons girlfriend will be coming in town. This will be the first time I get to spend any real time getting to know her. I am really looking forward to it. From what contact I have had with her she seems like a really sweet girl. She make my son happy too so that's a plus :D
Well alarms are going off around the house meaning that I need to get ready for work. Hope everyone has a super day
I keep getting dizzy feeling, not like I'm gonna fall or anything but ... fuzzy ... sluggish, which makes me not want to do anything. I came home from work last night at 5 and laid down for a few minutes while my daughter made some dinner. I was about half asleep in that time. Got up enough to eat, for the first time since 8 that morning, and laid back down while I talked with her.
I had a friend call me that she was up at the football field watching her grand kids workout so I went up with her. I was only there for about 30 mins about feel asleep in that time. Came home from that, did very little and laid back down to watch TV around 9:30 feel asleep again and woke up around 11 when my daughter came in. I sat up an talk with her boyfriend and my son for about 30 minutes and was out again. I don't know maybe I have been just trying to push toooo much into my days. Last time I felt that way I had a sleep time like this.
The part that bothers me is on top of all that I really feel uncomfortable. The med that they changed also worked as a diuretic, and I mean it WORKED, and this one does not. I had been feeling really bloated and didn't know why but I think it's probably from this.
Today is going to be a busy day. My daughter starts her first real job and I am really happy for her. I am going in this morning to work some much needed overtime and then I plan on hitting the gym and have her to work by 4. Tonight my sons girlfriend will be coming in town. This will be the first time I get to spend any real time getting to know her. I am really looking forward to it. From what contact I have had with her she seems like a really sweet girl. She make my son happy too so that's a plus :D
Well alarms are going off around the house meaning that I need to get ready for work. Hope everyone has a super day
Monday, August 13, 2012
8-13-12
So the last few days have been much better. Sundays are a normal gym day after church I got for a longer workout. Today I had a two hour break between my regular hours and the time I could work overtime and I hit the gym. It wasn't a long workout but it was better than what I have been doing the past few months.
I wish I could say the weekend was a good one but in some ways it was really not. I did manage to get some cleaning done around the house. Not as much as I would have like to but done just the same. I was ok with it since I didn't ever go to the gym on Saturday like I had planned on.
Yesterday after the gym came home and took a nap an started on some house work again. Really wanting to get my kitchen where I can paint it by Labor day weekend. It been getting pushed aside for to long. I can hear those calories burning off as I climb the ladder :D
My foods today was over in range even though I had a late dinner, which I ended up eating most of my calories for the day. I really had intended on just coming home after work but my daughter wanted to stop for something to eat and I found myself ordering something too. Even at that point I planned on only eating half of it and saving the rest but realized I was more hungry that I realized. At least I had some gym time to make up for it, not that I am using that as an excuse to do it all the time.
I am going to try and do the gym tomorrow but I don't know. Tomorrow would have been my moms birthday and I am making a trip out to the grave at some point. We'll see how that goes. Then again may a walk after to get my mind clear wouldn't be to bad of an idea. Hope that all is doing well. Catch me later :D
I wish I could say the weekend was a good one but in some ways it was really not. I did manage to get some cleaning done around the house. Not as much as I would have like to but done just the same. I was ok with it since I didn't ever go to the gym on Saturday like I had planned on.
Yesterday after the gym came home and took a nap an started on some house work again. Really wanting to get my kitchen where I can paint it by Labor day weekend. It been getting pushed aside for to long. I can hear those calories burning off as I climb the ladder :D
My foods today was over in range even though I had a late dinner, which I ended up eating most of my calories for the day. I really had intended on just coming home after work but my daughter wanted to stop for something to eat and I found myself ordering something too. Even at that point I planned on only eating half of it and saving the rest but realized I was more hungry that I realized. At least I had some gym time to make up for it, not that I am using that as an excuse to do it all the time.
I am going to try and do the gym tomorrow but I don't know. Tomorrow would have been my moms birthday and I am making a trip out to the grave at some point. We'll see how that goes. Then again may a walk after to get my mind clear wouldn't be to bad of an idea. Hope that all is doing well. Catch me later :D
Saturday, August 11, 2012
8-11-12
So I never made it to the gym today like I wanted to but I feel like I got a workout in. The dreaded fridge cleaning. Ya know where the kids have spilled stuff under the drawers and try to pretend it didn't happen? Well it was pretty this time. MAJOR sticky stuff.
An the place under the counter on the floor ... the spot that they kids feel is not part of the floor that needs sweeping or moping? I was on my hands an knees trying to reach that spot. I am just glad I was home alone for once :D
I know it's not as much as if I had gone to the gym but at least I didn't just sit at home and do nothing. Tomorrow I will keep in with my Sunday routine that I started last week. I am taking my gym clothes with me so that when I get outta church I won't have an excuse to come home. I got in 1.5 hrs on the bike, but never went to the weight room. I didn't know what was going on with my ankle and didn't want to put to much pressure on it. Tomorrow will be different. Stationary bike and weights. I got this :D
I had, in my mind, made plans that I really thought I could pull off. I wanted to move my day up a few hours and hit the gym at 4am. YES I said 4 AM!! I know it sounded crazy and I may still do it, but my schedule just won't let me get in all I need and get to bed at night. So I am going to try ... REALLY try to do this in the evenings. I AM going to take my gym clothes with me so that when I get off work, even if I work overtime, I will have them and get in at least a lil time in the gym. If don't work overtime I will be off at 4 .. ahhh pm and WILL make myself go to the gym. I can do this. I know I can.
So the next big project is rearranging the living room. It's been a while. I am sure I will have plenty of alone time to get it done. That will be a good workout :D Maybe after I get home from the gym tomorrow :D
Well not much else today ... I'm tired and need my rest if I am going to do all I want to do tomorrow ... I'll let ya know how it goes ... I will at least make it to the gym.
An the place under the counter on the floor ... the spot that they kids feel is not part of the floor that needs sweeping or moping? I was on my hands an knees trying to reach that spot. I am just glad I was home alone for once :D
I know it's not as much as if I had gone to the gym but at least I didn't just sit at home and do nothing. Tomorrow I will keep in with my Sunday routine that I started last week. I am taking my gym clothes with me so that when I get outta church I won't have an excuse to come home. I got in 1.5 hrs on the bike, but never went to the weight room. I didn't know what was going on with my ankle and didn't want to put to much pressure on it. Tomorrow will be different. Stationary bike and weights. I got this :D
I had, in my mind, made plans that I really thought I could pull off. I wanted to move my day up a few hours and hit the gym at 4am. YES I said 4 AM!! I know it sounded crazy and I may still do it, but my schedule just won't let me get in all I need and get to bed at night. So I am going to try ... REALLY try to do this in the evenings. I AM going to take my gym clothes with me so that when I get off work, even if I work overtime, I will have them and get in at least a lil time in the gym. If don't work overtime I will be off at 4 .. ahhh pm and WILL make myself go to the gym. I can do this. I know I can.
So the next big project is rearranging the living room. It's been a while. I am sure I will have plenty of alone time to get it done. That will be a good workout :D Maybe after I get home from the gym tomorrow :D
Well not much else today ... I'm tired and need my rest if I am going to do all I want to do tomorrow ... I'll let ya know how it goes ... I will at least make it to the gym.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
8-5-12
oh my oh my where to start? Maybe I should title my blog "where to start" guess it would get some attention huh? lol
So today was the first day in toooo long that I spent time in the gym. I have been doing my time with my trainer an he usually kicks my butt but other than that no real gym time. I have however come up with a new game plan. I know it's crazy and some will think I will never do it, and I am not sure if I can pull it off, but I am going for it.
Since I do best, when I have to go to work, to get in a morning workout I need to make this change. Since I have been going in at 7am instead of 9 I had talked myself outta going in the mornings. I convinced myself that I couldn't get in a good workout like I wanted so I would sleep in an go in the evenings. This has NOT been happening. A few weeks ago I even took my gym bag with me to work and I WAS going to go when I got off work BEFORE I came home (lets face it once I'm home that's it most of the time) and they offered overtime at work. Money is so limited with me most of the time that I had to take up the offer. Only problem by the time I got off work: 1. I was REALLY tired from working a 12 hr shift, even if it was sitting the whole time. 2. The gym I usually go to would be closing in about an hour, and I still had to get there.
So what is my plan when I am on a limited time space? Getting up at THREE am. Yes you read that right. I am going to do a trial run with Planet Fitness for the next month. This gym is open 24-7. Its just up the street from my work. I can do this, right? Sure I can. I was getting up an being at the gym at 5 when I worked the 9 oclock shift so I just move my whole day up 2 hrs. Sounds good in my head, the only thing that will keep me from doing it is if the Dr stops me.
How? Why? you ask. My ankle is not getting better. I took it easy for a bit. I even laid off taking the stairs .. some what ... it just doesn't feel right standing waiting on the elevator any more. I know it's crazy. I can't believe those words would ever flow from my mouth much write them on paper, but it's true.
The last session I had with my trainer we worked upper body and it was a good workout but I just feel like I am missing something. I know I need to read the signals my body is sending me but that is a good an bad thing. It's been a while since I have felt this uncomfortable in my body. I feel like I am going backwards. This is NOT what I want. So I am going to listen to my body an when it hurts I will back off and change up. At the same time I can't just sit down and do nothing. The lil extras have been come my exercise and that HAS to change. The parking at the back of the lot is to get in some extra steps not meant to "make me feel good about doing something". I have to get in a real workout and "feel the burn".
So wish me luck. I am going on my lunch tomorrow an sign up for at least the $10's for one month to do a test run. I can talk about this all day. I can think about it. I can plan it but this is going to take some getting use to. It's going to take some discipline that I have to do. I HAVE to do this. It's time to stop talking about it an get back to doing it. I am not at the goal yet and I REFUSE to fall back. I can do this. Step back and watch me.
So today was the first day in toooo long that I spent time in the gym. I have been doing my time with my trainer an he usually kicks my butt but other than that no real gym time. I have however come up with a new game plan. I know it's crazy and some will think I will never do it, and I am not sure if I can pull it off, but I am going for it.
Since I do best, when I have to go to work, to get in a morning workout I need to make this change. Since I have been going in at 7am instead of 9 I had talked myself outta going in the mornings. I convinced myself that I couldn't get in a good workout like I wanted so I would sleep in an go in the evenings. This has NOT been happening. A few weeks ago I even took my gym bag with me to work and I WAS going to go when I got off work BEFORE I came home (lets face it once I'm home that's it most of the time) and they offered overtime at work. Money is so limited with me most of the time that I had to take up the offer. Only problem by the time I got off work: 1. I was REALLY tired from working a 12 hr shift, even if it was sitting the whole time. 2. The gym I usually go to would be closing in about an hour, and I still had to get there.
So what is my plan when I am on a limited time space? Getting up at THREE am. Yes you read that right. I am going to do a trial run with Planet Fitness for the next month. This gym is open 24-7. Its just up the street from my work. I can do this, right? Sure I can. I was getting up an being at the gym at 5 when I worked the 9 oclock shift so I just move my whole day up 2 hrs. Sounds good in my head, the only thing that will keep me from doing it is if the Dr stops me.
How? Why? you ask. My ankle is not getting better. I took it easy for a bit. I even laid off taking the stairs .. some what ... it just doesn't feel right standing waiting on the elevator any more. I know it's crazy. I can't believe those words would ever flow from my mouth much write them on paper, but it's true.
The last session I had with my trainer we worked upper body and it was a good workout but I just feel like I am missing something. I know I need to read the signals my body is sending me but that is a good an bad thing. It's been a while since I have felt this uncomfortable in my body. I feel like I am going backwards. This is NOT what I want. So I am going to listen to my body an when it hurts I will back off and change up. At the same time I can't just sit down and do nothing. The lil extras have been come my exercise and that HAS to change. The parking at the back of the lot is to get in some extra steps not meant to "make me feel good about doing something". I have to get in a real workout and "feel the burn".
So wish me luck. I am going on my lunch tomorrow an sign up for at least the $10's for one month to do a test run. I can talk about this all day. I can think about it. I can plan it but this is going to take some getting use to. It's going to take some discipline that I have to do. I HAVE to do this. It's time to stop talking about it an get back to doing it. I am not at the goal yet and I REFUSE to fall back. I can do this. Step back and watch me.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
8-2-12
Don't even know where to start ... hhmm seems I say that a lot these days. Yeah it's been a while since I wrote, guess I'm kinda fallin down in a lot of ways. Well at least the ones on my journey.
The only thing really positive that I have been doing is going to training. That's only 30 minutes. Well that's not totally true. I just haven't made any extra effort to hit the gym and I really need to. I have lost my motivation. No it's not that. I just ... well I guess the depression has hit me.
A year ago I was basically watching my mom starve to death. This was a tough month for me last year and I guess it's not going to be the same for a long time, if ever. Mom's birthday is this month too. Or I guess I should say it would have been. I can't believe that in just a month she will have been gone for a year.
Some days I just feel lost. Today seems to be on of those days. I know she's not up in heaven thinking about me. It's a blessing to know she isn't lonely any more. She not in pain any more. She's happy. I just wish sometimes that she were able to think about me. But if she were to be able to then it would cause pain an sadness and there is none of that in heaven. I just miss her a lot right now.
Tonight, of all the other things that popped her in my mind, I opened my phone to send a text and some how her contact info had opened. I hadn't opened it but I guess when I closed my phone I hit it or something. I don't know ... it was the point that broke me. All I could do was cry. I wanted to hold her again and hear her voice just one more time. Some times I listen to voice mail that she had left on my phone ... do you ever do that? Have something that you can hear a loved one on an just listen knowing it's going to hurt but you just want to hear their voice?
So as far as my journey it's at a stand still. I need someone to kick me in the butt and get me started again. I know a lot of the things I need to be doing, I just can't get myself doing it this past few weeks ... actually months. I am letting everyone down that has been following me ... if anyone still is ... I'm sorry. I keep saying tomorrow ... I know I know tomorrow never gets here ... that's what makes me mad at myself. I'm just having a pity party I guess. I'll get over it soon ... nite all
The only thing really positive that I have been doing is going to training. That's only 30 minutes. Well that's not totally true. I just haven't made any extra effort to hit the gym and I really need to. I have lost my motivation. No it's not that. I just ... well I guess the depression has hit me.
A year ago I was basically watching my mom starve to death. This was a tough month for me last year and I guess it's not going to be the same for a long time, if ever. Mom's birthday is this month too. Or I guess I should say it would have been. I can't believe that in just a month she will have been gone for a year.
Some days I just feel lost. Today seems to be on of those days. I know she's not up in heaven thinking about me. It's a blessing to know she isn't lonely any more. She not in pain any more. She's happy. I just wish sometimes that she were able to think about me. But if she were to be able to then it would cause pain an sadness and there is none of that in heaven. I just miss her a lot right now.
Tonight, of all the other things that popped her in my mind, I opened my phone to send a text and some how her contact info had opened. I hadn't opened it but I guess when I closed my phone I hit it or something. I don't know ... it was the point that broke me. All I could do was cry. I wanted to hold her again and hear her voice just one more time. Some times I listen to voice mail that she had left on my phone ... do you ever do that? Have something that you can hear a loved one on an just listen knowing it's going to hurt but you just want to hear their voice?
So as far as my journey it's at a stand still. I need someone to kick me in the butt and get me started again. I know a lot of the things I need to be doing, I just can't get myself doing it this past few weeks ... actually months. I am letting everyone down that has been following me ... if anyone still is ... I'm sorry. I keep saying tomorrow ... I know I know tomorrow never gets here ... that's what makes me mad at myself. I'm just having a pity party I guess. I'll get over it soon ... nite all
Sunday, July 22, 2012
7-22-12
where to start? what to say? So many thought running in my head but not sure how to put them in words.
balance
control
happiness / sadness
alone
I see it now
self worth
roller coaster
family
peace
peace
peace ... do you have it? can you feel at peace with yourself when you feel your life is outta control? can you feel peace when you are alone? does peace help you see how to balance your life?
I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer for any of this. Everyone will answer different from the next. Some days each person can answer different than the day before.
In the past 24 hours it's the word that I have. It's the only word that makes any sense even though I can't put it into words. In some ways my heart hurts but I can feel at peace and it makes me smile.
Sadly I don't know where everyone, in my life here or in the physical, stand with God but for me I love Him. I am not ashamed of Him and He has been the real key to success in my journey.
I have felt like I was falling back more than once and sometimes I have fallen back. But when I stop and ask for help He is there. He picks me up and gives me direction. I know I don't say a lot about it in my blogs because there is more. It goes back to the balance. This is a physical journey that I face everyday. I have struggled with it all my life and I have come to accept it. That doesn't mean I can't do something about it to make it better. This is the time and I want to do anything I can to help anyone that is wanting to walk it with me. Most days I walk it alone and that's ok, I will still encourage anyone that comes in my path. I want them to feel better about themselves like I am starting to about myself.
This morning I stated that there has to be a balance. This is true ... we need nutrition ... rest ... exercise ... hydration ... and we can't forget the Spiritual side. I am not on a tangent here and I don't plan on preaching any sermons but I feel that God wants everyone to know that we can do this with His help. He gave us each other too so we can walk together and do this.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense ... again my thoughts are all over the places even trying to focus here ... but I needed to at least try to get some of it out there.
balance
control
happiness / sadness
alone
I see it now
self worth
roller coaster
family
peace
peace
peace ... do you have it? can you feel at peace with yourself when you feel your life is outta control? can you feel peace when you are alone? does peace help you see how to balance your life?
I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer for any of this. Everyone will answer different from the next. Some days each person can answer different than the day before.
In the past 24 hours it's the word that I have. It's the only word that makes any sense even though I can't put it into words. In some ways my heart hurts but I can feel at peace and it makes me smile.
Sadly I don't know where everyone, in my life here or in the physical, stand with God but for me I love Him. I am not ashamed of Him and He has been the real key to success in my journey.
I have felt like I was falling back more than once and sometimes I have fallen back. But when I stop and ask for help He is there. He picks me up and gives me direction. I know I don't say a lot about it in my blogs because there is more. It goes back to the balance. This is a physical journey that I face everyday. I have struggled with it all my life and I have come to accept it. That doesn't mean I can't do something about it to make it better. This is the time and I want to do anything I can to help anyone that is wanting to walk it with me. Most days I walk it alone and that's ok, I will still encourage anyone that comes in my path. I want them to feel better about themselves like I am starting to about myself.
This morning I stated that there has to be a balance. This is true ... we need nutrition ... rest ... exercise ... hydration ... and we can't forget the Spiritual side. I am not on a tangent here and I don't plan on preaching any sermons but I feel that God wants everyone to know that we can do this with His help. He gave us each other too so we can walk together and do this.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense ... again my thoughts are all over the places even trying to focus here ... but I needed to at least try to get some of it out there.
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