This weekend has not been what I wanted for this myself on this journey. The only positive thing I can say I did for it was I did go to the gym yesterday morning. I was only there for 30 min and I tell myself that it's better than nothing, but I needed to do more.
I have been telling myself for the past month I was doing ok. I realize more an more the past few days I am NOT doing ok. Yesterday when I finally hit the scales they hit back. As much as I would like to say it's no biggie, I had to make myself see what I was doing. I have put back on 10 lbs. This in itself is not getting me down. I really am ok with it, in the sense I am not giving up on my journey. I feel better and can do more things that I was able to a year ago. I have come a long way, but I am not done yet.
My failure part of this weekend is not that I only spent 30 min in the gym. It is I had a lapse in my eating. I am not really a emotional eater, but seems this weekend I have been. I have gotten my eyes on something else other than my journey. They are on me, but a side of me that I don't like and I need to refocus.
My kids are getting older and I am feeling the empty nest junk I guess. I have spent the past 10 years, on my own more or less, raising my kids. I have NO regrets in this. I love my kids and I will continue to be there for them as they need me. But lets face it, the older you get the less you NEED you mom. They have their friends and I am happy for them. They are learning to do what makes them happy, it's part of life. I just realize I am feeling alone these days. So even more important that I keep focused on my journey. I need to be there for ME. I know it sounds selfish to some but it's not. For me to ever be all I want to be, for me to be ALL God made me to be I have to be a lil selfish at this time in my life. I need to stay focused on getting healthy so that I can live the life that has been laid out for me.
I have not had a spell of emotional eating in a LONG time and I feel miserable from it this weekend. My plans when I went to the grocery store yesterday was to get healthy foods for me. I did this but I also got things I knew the kids would eat. The problem with that is that I ate some other their stuff too. Not only did I eat their stuff, but I really wasn't hungry when I did it. I realize I did it to distract myself from the fact that I was sitting home alone. Instead of getting out an going for a walk I sat here feeling sorry for myself. NO MORE. It's not an excuse it's just what I did.
Tomorrow starts a new day. I can not do anything about what I have done this weekend but I can make a new start in the morning. That's the great thing about life. Every day you get a new chance to get it right. When the sun comes up in the morning my future will be brighter, even if I take each step alone. I would love to have that person to walk with me and encourage me and keep me accountable, but if I don't I will do my best to keep myself accountable ... for ME!! for a healthier life.
No comments:
Post a Comment