2-21-12

Yeah that didn't happen either.

Ok so the weekend was a long one. I didn't get to the gym but I felt like I got a workout anyway. I did a photo shoot at the kids power lifting meet. I did a lot of squatting getting pictures of their squats and lifts. Some of those guys scare me. The poor bar was bending on some of them. Their eyes and veins were popping out of their bodies, WOW! So I didn't make it to the gym but I didn't just sit around. My legs are really sore this week, I haven't done those kind of squats in a REALLY long time. I am sure that and the taking the weights up a notch didn't help any with the soreness.

The weekend I didn't make the most healthy choices. I don't know why it is that I do that. In the week, even when I don't work, I make difference choices from the weekend. At one point in the weight loss I had said my "weigh days" was a blow off day. Not that I just ate and ate and ate, but I ate things that I normally don't eat. If I wanted to eat some candy or chips or "the bad" food I did. Even though I ate these things I kept it in proportions. So why now do I end up doing this "cheat days" on the weekends?

Sunday was a rough day. One of my best friends from High School had lost her father and that was the day for the funeral. It was the first time since I lost mom that I went to one. Not the first one that I "should" have attended, but the first one I actually went to.
Sundays I usually take a nap but since the day was off the normal times it was late and I didn't want to nap this late in the day. After I left the graveside I had a lot on my mind, so on the way home I stopped to talk to Mom an Dad. I have only visited their grave twice now since I lost mom.
As much as I tried to stay awake till 9:00-10:00 I feel asleep around 8:00. This was not a good thing because I woke up around 11:00 and couldn't go back to sleep. By 12:00 I was really wanting sleep so I took one of my sleeping pills. Now before you going judging this one I have to say it's a small amount that the Dr has given me to help with my sleep apnea. Since I have been going to the gym and working out on a regular basis I don't have to take them as much.
So here it is midnight and I an desperate for sleep. Usually this lil blue bill keeps me good for about 4 hours. I am thinking my alarm is set for 4:15 I should be ok. WRONG!! I guess I was so tired from the day that my body was not yet ready to move.
I lay there struggling to get up and remembered I didn't have to take my daughter to school today. My next thought I can sleep till around six and then still have time to get in a good workout. Nope that didn't happen either. Monday's workout never happened. I was going to walk on my lunch at work, but remember had to run my camera to the shop. That took longer that I had hoped for. Ok so I will get a long break at the end of the day. I will walk then. Nope, I was soooo sleepy at that time I went to my car to try and get a power nap to last till the end of the day, but even that didn't workout. Phone kept ringing.
So now here I was two more hours left at work, sleepy and just wanting to go home. And my stomach started to growl. REALLY?? oh yeah I usually eat dinner on my late break and today I didn't. I didn't think I was hungry at the time, I was just sleepy.
When I got home pizza had just been delivered. I had NO intentions to eat ANY of it. I had in my mind the that kids would split it ALL. YEAH that didn't happen either. I am starting to see a pattern, don't you?
At this point I am kind of beating myself up but I was not going to lose sleep over it. What was done was done. I ate a slice of pizza and THREE bread sticks. I would just not weigh in the morning when I went to the gym. Yeah that's it I would run from my mistakes, right? Can really run from our mistakes? Yeah that's not gonna happen either.
So 9:30 rolls around and I get my bag packed for the gym so I would have no excuses to get there at 5 this morning. My daughter was going and I had her do the same. By 10ish I was snuggled into bed for the night. I got a pretty good night sleep and up when the alarm went off at 4:15. Ok I hit the snooze but I didn't' wait for it to go off again. By 5 o'clock we were going around the corner to the gym. YUP today is going to be a good day.
I got in a good lift in the weight room, despite the pain in my left leg. I got a 50 min swim in, even with the turbulent waters. I sometimes get upset at this guy that makes so many waves, but I tell myself that I just have to work harder to keep going and burn more calories. Hey it works for me :D
Shower time and I am dressed. As much as I didn't want to get on the scale I ended up there. I was ok when I realized I had maintained my weight. I still wish I hadn't eaten the pizza last night but I am glad that I didn't go overboard with it.
I know that not every day is going to be perfect. I know that, just like the swimming, there are going to be struggles. I just have to remind myself that each day is a new day. Each day I can start all over again. Each moment I can start over again. I am learning to not give up when I hit a mistake. One mistake is ok, as long as I learn from it. When I start to use my mistake as an excuse to keep making them then I have failed. I have come to far this time to start failing.
I want to get healthy so that I can enjoy life and really live it not just wait to die.
What is your goal for today?