2-11-14

Feeling frustrated at the moment.  I know I haven't kept on track super strictly. I have only missed on day at the gym. For what? At this point when I weighed I was up.  UP??? Are you kidding?  ok ok I know I usually weigh around noon or so for the contest.  I know my meds are off.  But REALLY??  I wanted to scream but inside all I could do was cry.  I didn't but I wanted to.  This is why I HATE scales.

Ok gotta get focused.  What have I done just in the past month?  I have gotten back in the gym.  I have recaptured my nutrition.  That is worth something.  I'm not only thinking about getting healthy I am working forward to it.  This is a step up from two months ago.  At that time I was making excuses about how I got off track.  All true but still I know in my heart I could have made it happen differently, like I am now.  Same issues but I am doing it now.  See excuses.  I have plenty of them, we all do.

ok what else?  On the treadmill I realized that I can do a 3.5 for at least a min without dyeing.  This is better than I was doing back in August.  At that time I was pushing just to get up to a 3 struggling at 2.5.  2.5?? that is my warm up now.  It may not seem that great to some but it's getting better.

Let's see ... aahh I have tighten up my resistance on the bike and still keeping the same pace.  

I know I am discouraged by the weigh in tonight as well as the realization that I am not burning calories as much as I had thought I was.  I got the Heart Rate Meter to help me keep up my pace only to find that I am not burning the calories as much as the MyFitnessPal is logging.  Well at least not on the bike.  Strangely the treadmill was only a few calories off. I don't know. 

I know I know I'm making progress I just feel like I'm standing still.  AAAUUUGGhhh!!!!  I know it's a mental issue.  STOP IT!!! I know the guys with the white I love me jackets can't get in the house :D 

 No it's the do it.

 I don't want. 

 I know I want to.  I don't know why I let that part of me say I don't.  I keep getting the tugging that says KEEP GOING!!!  I know I'm not gonna stop.  I can't.  I know that that tugging in me is God telling me I can do it.  God telling me this is your time.  I believe in you and I am with you.  

I do believe that God is telling me this.  It never fails when I am at the gym hearing that give up voice along comes a song that say I am an Overcomer.  I need to shake cuz I'm changed.  Just a couple of ones that come to mind.  Yolanda you know what I'm talking about :D

I'm not giving up, just feeling weak I guess.  Time for prayers guys.  Thanks for you support.