This has been a rough week. I have done pretty much nothing in the gym. I would like to say it's because I have been busy working my J.O.B and editing photos. This would be true. I would like to say I have been active in other ways instead of just sitting at home on my butt waiting for it to get bigger again. This would be true too. I would like to say a lot of things, but truth is I just have not put in the extra effort to make it to the gym. I went one day and only worked an hour and a half. This was not even a normal short workout. I have just flat not felt like doing anything.
Today was a horrible day. I know it's because I let things get to me. I know I should just shake it off and go on. I know that no matter what I do, say or feel there is always going to be someone there to try and knock me back. Some that will not like me. Or someone that just flat can't be honest to my face and hurt my feelings. At the same time I have an obligation to myself to not let this get me. I have a choice to make. Am I going to get upset? Or am I going to chose to look at the positive in my life. Well today I chose to let it upset me.
I spent way to much time letting someone else affect my day. I can't help that they can not be honest to me. If they can't come to me and tell me how they honestly feel that it not my problem ... is it? I know I know I'm still upset about it. Just the way it is today.
I have made a number of not so good choices this week. Thing I am not happy about. I will have my pity party for now and shake it off next week and get over and move on. I wish I could say that I will wake up in the morning and things will be all better. I really don't see that happening.
This will be my first Easter without my Mom. I miss her her so much right now. I know she would tell me to get over it and just move on. She would say I need to live my life and that she is fine. But there are some days I really need my mom. I just want to hear her voice again. The crazy laugh she had when I would do some thing crazy. She use to call about some of the most off the wall reason, yes at times I got frustrated about it. I would give anything to have even one of those calls right now. I miss you mom. I'm not giving up, I'm just having a hard time right now. I will shake it off and make you proud. You can look down an smile and say "that's my girl". I will feel it when you do. Today I just need to cry. I love you Mom. Happy Easter
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