So it's been a while since I last posted anything. I am looking at this 100 count and it's looking slim that I will reach it but who knows, maybe one day I'll go crazy for a few weeks an actually post everyday ... eehh don't wait for it lol
I have been doing good but not feeling good. It's kinda crazy really. I have gotten at least my swim 4-5 days a week. Maybe it's the idea that I am not working on my 5k pace that is getting me a lil bit right now. I did today but more about that in a minute.
What is getting me??
Is it that I am not keeping with the foods ( even though most days I keep in my calorie range) that I feel are best for me?
Is it because I am not getting in the workouts that I want to?
Is it the meds I'm on?
Is it the changes that are going on in my life?
Maybe it's a lil bit of all of these things. It's not like I am sitting around beating myself up. Not that at all. I am starting with my last question. I am at a point in my life where change can feel like a 4 letter word. I know change is part of life. I know God has me where he wants me to be. I am not fighting it. I just don't like all of it.
I am super happy for my kids but as all kids do, of most kids, they do grow up and move out and do their own thing. This is where both of mine are now. Two weeks ago my son moved 45min away to be with my future daughter in law. I love that they are happy but I do miss him.
My daughter and I do spend some time together. We had talked about us going to the gym 2-3 days a week when I get off work. Sometimes this doesn't happen cuz she has a problem with her knee. Most of her free time is spent with my future son in law. Again I am really happy for them. He makes her really happy and takes good care of her. I couldn't ask for a better guy. But again I do miss my babies. Yes they will always be my babies. :D
So with the free time on my hands I have made the choice of make it "me" time. This has some people upset with me. It's not that I try to exclude anyone from my life I have told them where I will be and have told them they are welcome to come along. I am just going to "them" all the time like I have with my friends in the past. The ones that really know how important this is to me and love me understand this. The rest ... well I'm leaving it at that. I hope they come around but if not I will miss them.
So what am I eating here lately? I eat what I want. I don't overeat what I want but I do eat. If I feel like having some cake I have a healthy choice of that. I made a cobbler type treat Sunday and it was goooooood. Unsweetened frozen fruit/ dry box cake mix/and diet 7up. Toooo simple to make and a much better choice.
I had tried to stay away from whites an sugars but seems I am not doing the best at this. I have kept under 2,000 calories (most days) but skipping here to have something sweet there isn't really the best choice. Some days it's just the depression and I graze all day. It's possible those days I do go over my calories. Even if I do eat the right foods on those days and never huge amounts at any time, it's not a healthy way to do it.
The past few weeks no matter what my eating habit is I feel STUFFED. I know part of it comes from the meds I am on. I had to change pharmacies and this is part of the problem. I have on of my meds that, as the last place told me, has two generics they can give me. One of these causes me to hold water. Thing about it it is suppose to do just the opposite. I told the new guys about this and he seemed to think I was crazy. He told me there was only one kind. So I stopped taking it over the weekend and don't feel that really bloated feeling like I was. I will have to talk to my Dr about getting on a different kind for this. No I am not telling you what's for cuz you will fuss at me :D
This morning I had a REAL struggle at the gym. I think my heart was in it. I had no problem getting up an getting there. I just feel soooo out of place. No out of sync. I did get in my hour swim but it was such a struggle. It took EVERY ounce of the Voice telling me to keep going. I felt like I fish flopping on the bank struggling for air. I could not get a rhythm going. I kept stopping to catch my breath. I have not done that since I first started two years ago. I managed to get my .75 mile in and call it quits. Even getting ready for work after that was a chore. I don't know what it was from. I feel like I weight a ton. I feel almost like I did when I weighed over 400 lbs. Thing is I don't weigh that much any more. Why am I feeling this way. It's driving me nuts!!!
I did make it back to the gym for the treadmill time. I am really wanting to get a 4 day a week swim and 2\3 days in the evening. I am not beating myself up in I only make one or the other but I really want to get this in.
I think I need to get more core strength going again. I guess that is part of the problem too. I am doing plenty of cardio but not enough of other stuff. I am not gaining but I feel like I am. I feel like I am losing muscle. Does that make sense? I am sure it's possible.
11 days till the Color Run 5k and I am trying not to talk myself outta it. I want to go but the way my body feels there is part of me saying I better not go. On top of that I was asked to do an out of town wedding that day. I am playing in my mind how I can do both but part of my keeps thinking it may not be possible. I need the money so saying no to the wedding photos isn't what I want to do. At the same time it's not set in stone till I see the money. So it's possible that day I will do a 5k (hopefully getting in one of the first waves that goes out) and then home to shower and drive two hours for the wedding. Somehow the thought of it is almost overwhelming. I know God knows what is best so if He opens the door for this I am trusting He will give me the strength. He knows Im to stubborn to say no to one of the other.
So yea a lot going on but I keep plugging on. It's getting late so I need to get some rest. 4am comes early for this old lady :D
Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on.
ps I have not reread this so work with it :D
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