4-27-14

Depression sucks.  It sucks the life out of you.  It kills you umph to keep going when you know you have things to do.
I know that this was going to be an every day thing this year.  It was my goal.  I did well for a while, then again I do pretty well starting out anything I do.  The past month I lost my desire to do this.  No not my desire I still want to keep going I just don't seem to be able to make myself.  I want to keep doing this all on a steady basis but I keep falling down.  I don't plan on giving up I am just having a hard to staying really really dedicated to it.
I haven't written much because I just don't know what to say.  Some days I do ok with nutrition but most day I totally miss it on exercise.  Exercise just doesn't seem to be there.  This makes me want to cry.  I don't want to go back where I was 5 months ago.  I have back down 40 lbs now and I just don't want to have that extra weight with me.  I was miserable in more ways than I am now.  My clothes are starting to fit better again and I feel better than I did back then.
Two weeks ago my son got married.  I am super happy about it for him.  He married a beautiful young lady that makes him smile and makes him happy.  I love to see my kids happy, it makes my heart smile.  On the other side, the selfish side I want that too.  I don't want to be alone.
I am happy, or happier than I use to be, about the way I am feeling and looking.  I did photos for my son's wedding and for once I am not totally disgusted with how I look in them.  My daughters wedding is just two months from today and I really really want to be down at least 25-30 but I know I need to find some way to kick my butt in gear and get busy.  I don't know how or what I am going to do but I am praying that I can do that.  So pray with me so that, not just for looking and feeling good, I can get this back on track for my health.