1-24-13 5 of 100

Crazy week.  hhmm what to say?  Tuesday I took my last day before going back to work full time to hit the gym.  I did a two hour swim and then went to my Trainer.  I tell James I hate him, he makes me hurt ... he just laughs.  But I keep going back.  Not only do I keep going back but I PAY him to hurt me ... somehow that doesn't sound right. lol.

Oh did I mention I lost 9 lbs this week?  I am still not convinced that it's right.  I step on the scale at the gym.  The one that I weigh on for the contest?? The one that it looks like something the Biggest  Loser would use?? You know know the one, pretty sure it's the ones they use at the post office lol.   It said I was down 9 lbs but I have the feeling that someone played with the settings.  I know I have kept busy.  I know that I have kept in my calorie count, but I have not lost 9 lbs in less than a week since ... well other than the 3 day diet that, well you know how that went ... since, hhmm I can't remember.  Oh wait yes I can, but we are not talking about that time.  I will only say it was a year and half ago.  I know it could happen but I am, for some reason, not letting myself get toooo excited about it.

I did go back to full days on Wednesday.  I made it thru two days now of working a WHOLE 8 hrs.  Man I'm tired heheh.  No I just don't like it.  It cuts into my gym time.  I did go for my walk on lunch yesterday.  The day was pretty nice and actually worked up a lil bit of a sweat.  Today had a friend wanted to walk with me.  She doesn't walk much and it was cold so we went in after one lap. aka about 10 min.  I had left the house without anything but the t-shirt I was wearing and it was a bit to cold for me or I would have walked at least one more time around.  The cold air was starting to cut into my skin.  I know I know start being more prepared.  But hey, I got to work on time that counts for something.  ():)

So many things going thru my mind these days and I am trying really hard not to let them derail me again.  I know that I feel soooo much better when I get in some exercise, even if it's only my 30 min walk.  I feel better.  I sleep better.  Over all I eat better too.  Funny huh?  Anyone else feel that way?

Part of me REALLY wants to take a day off tomorrow and just spend at the gym and working on my house.  At the same time I really don't want to take all of my vacation time at the start of the year (like so many end up doing every year).  I get almost 6 weeks time and I only have two weeks of that time planned off.  Spring break may be my stay-cation unless the kids talk me into something.  I do have the week of my birthday (labor day week) off and plan on taking a cruise then.  I have funds that will be set aside for that.   I hardly ever take a vacation much try and take TWO in one year.  Who knows maybe this year will be different.  I know the kids are getting older and it may be my last year to really spend vacation time with them.

I really want to make the most of this year.  I have several big things that will come up and I want to look, and feel great for them.  My daughter will graduate HS.  My son will graduate college.  I will have my thirty year class reunion. 

 WHAT??? 

THIRTY?? 

caps lock OMG!!! I can't believe it. That is the one that I REALLY want to look good for.  Where did the time go?  T.H.I.R.T.Y????  OMG!!!!!

Food this week has been up and down but even that I have kept in my calorie range.  I know that if I made more healthy choices, like today, I could eat better keeping in my range.

This morning can't say it was the most healthy choice but it was good.  Morning burrito with beans, potatoes, jalapenos ... to bad I didn't know they had whole wheat tortilla till I asked when I picked up my order.  Man I'm gonna be all over that one.  

Lunch, after my short walk, I had steamed veggies.  It was in the cafeteria and they can make even the most healthy choice not as healthy.  They do steam the veggies but then they end up putting them on the grill and doing something to them in that wonderful grease they call butter.  IDK but I  had a big plate of that. 

For dinner I had, well I call it chicken soup.  I had made chicken an dumplings the other night and this was some of it left over.  The dumplings were all but gone.  It was chicken an some of the broth, somethin like a cream of chicken soup but ... well not.   It was good and I had two bowls of that.  Even all that I was still way under my calorie count for the day.

I am sure one of the days I am going to get in my healthy food choices, in the calorie count AND get the exercise right ALL in ONE day.  I know I can!!!

So stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.  I would love it if you join me too.

1-22-13 4 of 100

Well I am falling behind here but not on my journey.  I am doing more than I have in a while, even though some of my day to day challenges are not always met.  I am feeling better about all the time about where I am going on this journey.
Last week I made my goal of going to the gym at least 3 times a week.  I didn't swim all of the two mile goal but since I was ahead from the week before it's all good.  That was the plan any way .. wasn't it? :D
Food choices are getting better.  I am spending my calorie bank in more healthy ways.  I have a new FAV place to eat out.  Genghis Grill.  They have some wonderful healthy options there.  I can eat, and get FULL, for 500 calories or less.  Just have to remember to stay away form the last page.  You what they always ask if you are leaving room for don'tcha?  I only indulged one time for a few bites.  I promise the kids ate the rest.
I am trying to shake off the old self that I beat myself up if I miss even one goal.  Yes my goal was to swim at least 2-2.5 miles a week.  I didn't make it but I was by no means just sitting around letting the weight catch up to me.  I am going to run away from that stuff as fast as I can.  
Friday was the last gym workout that I had but the weekend was busy.  Saturday I went with my daughter to a powerlifting meet.  Man that is great to watch the kids get in there a lift.  I ran around (not actual running) the gym trying to get from station to station to take pix of the kids.  That lasted about 5 hrs of me on my feet time.
Sunday after church I went to my new fav place to eat.  After that my daughter wanted to go for pedi and he super boyfriend treated us both to that.  Since the only place open on Sunday to get one is in the mall that is where we went.  You know how it is when you go to the mall .. you WALK!!  Doesn't everyone??  I didn't have my Fitbit with me so not sure how many steps I took but by the end of the day I was tired.  Dinner wasn't the most healthy choice but when I stopped and counted my calories I was still in range.
Monday... well Monday wasn't the best day physically that I have had here lately.  I did GREAT on my calories even had some left over at the end of the day.  Sunday evening wasn't great, long story short I didn't get much sleep. I was really tired and didn't want to go to work yesterday but I did.  I was glad I was still on half days.  I wanted to go to the gym when I got off but the day started off wrong and I never really got on track.  
My plan was to swim when I got off work but I didn't have time to pack my bag.  By the time I would have been able to get back home after work and then go to the gym I would not have gotten that much time in to swim so I called in off.
  I know I know " not that much".  There it is again.  I could have gone. Should have gone.  But I didn't.  I went and returned some jeans that I had gotten that were to big, came home and took a short nap and went to the store with a friend.  Today is make up time.  Today I will get my hour swim in an then time with my trainer.  I am sure once I  help my friend clean at her house and then clean on my house I will have more than made up for it all.
So stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.  You can also join me if you like :D

1-14-13 3 of 100

So this is going to be my 100% year.  Why am I just now going for 100%?  There's a twist that I didn't think about till I was talking with a friend.

As you know I have set out to lose at least 100 lbs this year.  I know I had planned on having it done by now but I let life get in my way.  I am praying, and asking you to pray also, that this year is DIFFERENT!!!!  This year I have more determination that I did two years ago when I set out on this journey.  I set unrealistic goals.  I got discouraged when I didn't see results like I wanted to see when I wanted to see them.  Long story short I am hoping I am past that.  I can now see that I have made a BIG change but I am only half way that and I NEED to get on with this journey.  I am more pumped up about it than I was two years ago AND I have a bigger support group to hold me accountable too.

No that's not all that the 100% year is about.  I have also signed up to swim 100 miles by the end of the year.  That's only 2.5 miles a week.  While I am off on half days of work I am getting a head start on it.  I did last week I got in 7.5 miles and I hoping to get in that much in this week as well.  This week will be a lil more of a challenge since I won't get in my Saturday swim like I want to.  Going out of town for my daughters power lifting meet.  I am super excited about that too. Yes I will have pictures :D

Still wanting to know why 100% not just about giving it me all?  Thought you might be.  I am setting a goal to do 100/ 100 things.  Lose 100 lbs.  Swim 100 miles.  Try 100 new things ... ohh I tried fried squid this week, not to bad lol.  100 NSVs.  100 bible studies. 100 ... ok well you get the point.  Oh I can't forget my blog, no less than 2-3 times a week.  I would love to say I will do this everyday but it's not happening.  Beside with all the other 100's that I am doing I will be tired lol.  So expect to see me on here to report in several times a week starting NOW!!!

Tomorrow I have a busy day planned out.  Work. starting back with my trainer. THEN swim after he kicks my butt.  Dr visit and bible study to top it all off.  I feel tired just thinking about it but I am pumped at the same time.

With the day that I have ahead of me tomorrow I need to get off here.  So stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.  Hope to see you out there with me too.

Monday Jan 7, 2013 2 of 100

Wow I hurt today. I started today with the goal of getting to the gym for a workout and then doing my house cleaning workout.  Did I make it?  Let's see

This week I had told myself I was going to get serious about workouts (like I had last year) no less than 2-3 times a week at the gym.  My work schedule is 7-4, the gym opens at 5 pool at 5:30.  I had been getting to gym at 5 am before work.  Granted my work schedule was 9-6 and I have used the excuse that I didn't have as long to work out.  Key word here, AS MUCH.  This means I CAN get some time in.  Anything is better than nothing, which is what I have been doing more an more ... nothing.  I was walking on my lunch breaks before I went out on medical leave, but the past month not much of anything.  If you have read my earlier blog you know why I was out.

So my goal is to make myself be at the gym at 5 am, even after I go back to work (like I use to this time last year).  I know I can't get in the time that I want.  But the deal is that I can get a small workout in the weight room and then at 5:30 when the pool opens get in 30-40 mins a swim.  That is about half a mile with the time that I was doing today.  If I can get in that rhythm and add a longer work out on Saturdays and get this going.  Even if I miss my Saturday workout (cuz lets face it I am not going to workout on Saturdays all the time) I can still get in my weekly goal to meet my swim goal.

Ok ok I did give away that I did make it to the gym.  But you are still wondering how close I got to my goal today, aren't ya? :D

My goal was to workout at the gym as well as at home.  I did get in a good work the gym.  I did 3 sets on 3 different weight machines.  100 reps each at 50 lbs on the ab machine and seated leg curls an then 30 reps on the leg curls laying down.  I was starting to feel the burn and it was feeling good.    It was nothing compared to what I felt when I was done in the pool.  

I started my swim in the goal of swimming an hour.  Not all that hard to do for me these days, they first 15 min is the hardest.  Once I get past that first 15 min I get in the mind set of my swim.  I get my thoughts on other things.  I clear my mind.  I pray.  I plan my goals of where I want to be next week, next month and a year from now.  

As  I was getting into my swim the water instructor was there.  As I started talking to her about my swimming habits.  She seen me last year when I first started my swimming workouts.  She has seen my progress.  We started talking about some of my set backs.  Before I knew it I was agreeing to joining the "I'm gonna swim 100 miles in a year" team.  WHAT????  

Now I have not one but two 100 goals this next year.  I want to be down 100 lbs in weight and up 100 miles in the pool.  So let's break this down.  At the rate I was swimming today, if I go EVERY day and get in 30-40 min would be at least .5 miles a day.  Let's see that would 2.5 miles a week, more if I get in swim time on Saturdays too.  Ok 2.5 miles a week x4 weeks aahhh 10 miles a week... right??  So 10 miles a month x12 months oh wait that would be more than 100 huh? lol

I can break down the weight loss in the same way.  I am not going push myself any harder than that.  As much as I would like to say 100 lbs by the time my daughter graduates in May.  I would like to say I will be down the 100 lbs by Sept for my birthday.  But I don't want to make goals like that.  I tried making those kind of goals two years ago when I started this off.  I got upset at times when hit plateaus and felt like I missed my goal.  I have to figure in a place for the set backs, we all have them.  I know there will be good and bad days.  I know that my swim time may vary some too but there will be good days that I can make it up.

So I did make it to the gym and got a good work out in but I did not get house work done.  By the time I got out of the pool I had a phone call that got my on a different track.  I did manage to get a lot of things done that needed to be, but not house work.  

Yeah I had a good day and I was tired by the time I got back home.  My body hurt and I made the mistake of sitting down for a few minutes.  I ended up falling sleeping for a bit but I feel good about the day.

I got goals and plan to stay on it.  Stand back, say a prayer an cheer me on .. that matter come join me.

1-5-13 first post of the year

ok so this is the first post that I have done this year ... in about a month :/ but here I am now.
The past month has been a real challenge for me.  As I had stated in the last post that I had been dealing with some depression and it was kicking me down.  I wish I could say I am "healed" from it but there is no real "cure all" for it just gotta learn how to deal with it.  
I wish I could say that even though I had this "set back" that I  had still done well with my journey, but I haven't.  I have had ups and down on the scale as well as with my moods.

Just before Christmas I did the 3 day military diet.  I did good with it, I lost 14 lbs.  I know you're thinking that is GREAT!!   Hold on before you throw me a party.  As I have said many times the fad diets last about as long as it took to get the results, this time was no different.  I know it's partly due to the holidays but I also know that's an excuse.  I could have controlled myself a bit better.   I just didn't do well at all this month.  Am I going to sit around an let it get to me, beat myself up?  naaa I am getting past that.  I  just have to pull myself up again and keep going.

Today gave me news that I didn't like.  I had to face the fact that they crazy three diet did pretty much nothing for me (unless you look at it as if I hadn't I would be 30lbs more right now, yeah I like that one <3 ).   I know what I have to do and I NEED to get it done.  Who's with me?

Today I did pretty good, so far.  I was up by 6 and really wanted to go back to sleep but by the time I felt this I had already been up for an hour and really trying to get out of that habit (that got out of control with the depression) and stay up all day.  By 9:00 I had done a lil cleaning around the house and found my way to the pool.  I got in a good hour swim and it felt pretty good.  I had not gotten to swim in months now, plenty of cardio but no swimming.

Since the past month I have been on medical leave for all this junk I have not been getting to the gym like I wish I could.  This week it WILL change.  I go back to work in the next week and I need to get myself going.  I will be at the gym at 7am, same as if I was at work, and get a good workout in.  Even after I go back to work I will make myself get to the gym no less than three days a week.  So again who's with me?  Who's gonna keep me on track?
Let's do this guys.  Stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on.

Friday 12-28

Ok it's been almost a month since I wrote anything here and missed it again.  I'm not saying I "messed up" cuz I don't like that term.  Things in life got in my way and I hit a wall and I am doing my best to get back on track AGAIN.  

I know that I have mentioned this in the past, at least briefly, but this ugly area of my life popped up again.  As much as I have tried to fight against this I hit a wall.  Depression.  It's not fun.  It's not always something that a person can control. It can take you away from life.  It is NOT something to be ashamed of, but I understand how you can feel that way.  If this is something that you deal with I highly suggest that you seek help for it.  It can be a mean thing to your life.  I do take meds and see a counselor for it.  

Even as I sit an write these words there is a part of me that feel shame.  I know it's not something that is a valid feeling.  I hear the words " don't write that it's not going to encourage anyone" in my head. (no I'm not hear "voices") but I  have to get it out.  If I get it out maybe I can move on again.

I have tried to keep my head up and tried to keep on track with my journey.  I started out the month really well, I kept on track with my squats challenge.  I challenged myself to show others that I could do this.  I guess in my mind I felt like I had to put myself out there for others.  I had to keep myself going to show others "if this fat lady could do it anyone could".  In some ways it did keep me going but after time it ate at me.  I felt like if I didn't keep going I would be letting people down.  I don't know why I put this kind of pressure on myself but I did.  Anyone else feel like this?

I have had blow after blow this month and I feel drained.  My biggest goal this part few weeks?  To make myself get outta bed and get dressed as if I had some place to go, even if I didn't.  A few weeks ago when I "hit the wall" I didn't leave the house for almost a week.  I had my kids run things for me, more or less.  Then I tried to make myself, after dressing for no reason, to at least leave the house even if it was just to go to the corner store for a bottle of water or something.

Today I wake up and my heart feels heavy.  I feel like I want to cry but I am so tired of crying all the time.  I want to get out an workout, cuz I know it would make me feel better but I can't seem to get motivated.  I could make a list of the things that are getting to me but it would do no good.  They are going to still be there and I  have to learn how to deal with them.  I am going to get back on track, it's just taking me some time to get to the tracks.  

I wish I could say that I am doing on ok with my eating choices but I can't.  For the first time that I can remember, and maybe just cuz I am more aware of it now, that I am being an emotional eater. I can't get myself outta the funk and I let myself "get bored" and the food is there so I eat.  I wish I could make myself get out an walk.  I guess I need to have someone MAKE me get out each day.  I tell myself that since I am getting up and at least going out of the house  I am doing ok, but I want more.  I believe that I can do this and I will get back today is just start out not so good.  So say an prayer an cheer me on.  

Tue 12-4-12

Ok so in some ways I had a pretty rough weekend.  Yesterday worked a 12hr day.  Today ... well here I am.
I am doing pretty ok with things all in all.  Even with the personal junk that was going on with me over the weekend I didn't go out an over draw my food bank.  If anything I may have done some damage by not eating enough.  Oh an not sleeping well.  

I have kept up some form of exercise every day, at least walking ... aahhmm pretty much every day ?  lol  Ok so today I didn't walk.  And Saturday I didn't really go for walk but I did house cleaning and I did walk around Wal-Mart for at least 30 minutes Saturday night.  that's gotta count for something :D
Sunday .. ahhmm nope nuttin there.  Church, lunch and then came home to watch football.  

Yesterday I did get my 30+ minutes of walking in a work.  Today lunch held a run to Sams which cut into my walk time.  However on Saturday I did start the Holiday Squat-a-thon!!

So far I am still on track.  I can't say that it's my favorite thing to do.  The first day I'm thinking " I got this, no biggie".  The 2nd ok it's a lil more burn that I wanted but I need, I can do this.  This morning I decided I was going to do this before work .. at FIVE AM!!  The first 20 not so bad, but the last 5 I wanted to cry.  Did I give up? nope, nada, never.  I may have been in a crazy goofy mood when I said I would do this challenge but I will not give up ... but I am looking forward to days 10 and 27 I think they are going to be my favorite lol

So its been a month now since I kicked the caffeine and I feel good about it.  I don't have the withdraws like you would think.  I am not super tired all day.  The biggest thing for me is remember to check for caffeine.  oopss I can't say I am totally without caffeine.  I was baking cakes and my son requested chocolate.  Of course you know I had to have some ():D  But as for drinking it like I use toooooo at least 1-2 Monsters a day ... it's been a MONTH!!  yea me!!

I have managed to get more fiber foods in than I had been in prior months.  It's really done my body good, even though I still feel a bit sluggish at times, nope not a caffeine withdraw kind of sluggish, I am starting to feel better over all.

Now I want to try and get ride of carbs.  (my guilty please) This is going to be the real challenge and I am putting it off till Jan.  Not because I can't do it, but hey ... it's the holiday season.  I don't want to set myself up for failure.  I am monitoring my food and not overdoing anything.  With the increase in fibers it helps to not want the sugary foods too.  I want to keep this up for the month and hit it hard in Jan.  
So stand back, say a prayer and cheer me on ... or join me too :D